Now things were different because she was married. She could have the things she had always assumed she’d be denied. They were so close at hand. All she had to do was reach out and take them.
She could let herself love Thomas.
She could ask him for a child—he might even say yes.
It was terrifying.
She’d resigned herself long ago to the fact that she would always be alone. She had convinced herself that that was what she wanted. And now, the possibility that that might not actually be her fate had her questioning everything. It was so easy to allow her mind to travel to ideas that had always been off-limits. It was so easy to picture herself with a child in her arms, Thomas kissing her cheek and whispering that he loved her. The baby would look just like Thomas, she was sure—the same perfect blond hair and bright eyes. He would grow up to be the next Duke of Westcourt.
She could see the future when she closed her eyes, and a part of her wanted it badly.
I’ll have to decide. Horatia is right. Before I can even think about what Thomas wants, I must make sure I know what I want.
The door opened, and Horatia returned. Sally came bounding in at her side and leaped up onto the bed.
Distracted from her plight, Madeleine laughed and embraced her dog.
“Oh, Madeleine, not on the bed,” Horatia despaired. “What on earth will the Dowager Duchess say?”
“She’ll never know.” Madeleine sat up. Having Sally here was already making her feel better.
She would figure out the answer to this. She had complete confidence in herself.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
Breakfast was sent to Madeleine’s room the morning after the wedding, which surprised her. “They didn’t want me to come down?”
“The Dowager Duchess thought you might prefer to relax in your room on your first day, Your Grace,” the maid said. She set the tray on the table beside Madeleine’s rocking chair. “Is there anything else I can get you?”
“Will you tell me your name?” Madeleine asked.
“Of course, Your Grace. I’m Emily.”
“I would have thought they would send Horatia up.” A spark of fear struck her. Had Horatia been punished for bringing Sally to her? What if she had been dismissed? Madeleine couldn’t go on here without her lady’s maid.
“Horatia has been given the morning to rest,” Emily said.
Madeleine frowned. “On whose authority?” It wasn’t that she objected to Horatia having the morning off, of course. She was glad her lady’s maid had been given some time to rest after the excitement of the last few days. But that was a decision she should have been included in.
“It was the Dowager Duchess’s decision,” Emily informed her.
Madeleine pressed her lips together. That settled matters. She was going to have to find Henrietta and speak with her today. If Henrietta was angry with her about the gown or the way she had walked off the dance floor during the ball, those were things they could discuss. But Horatia was Madeleine’s lady’s maid, and she didn’t like the idea of Henrietta making decisions about her. It had been harmless enough this time, but who knew what she might decide next? Perhaps she would dismiss Horatia and assign a different lady’s maid to Madeleine, which would be completely unacceptable.
For now, though, she turned her attention to her breakfast tray. She had to admit everything looked delicious, and the idea of a calm morning in her roomwasappealing. She sat in the rocking chair beside the little table and buttered her bread, gazing out her window at the mild weather outside and wondering how best to spend her first day at Westcourt.
When she had finished eating, she left the tray where it was and dressed herself. Her gown was simple enough that she had no trouble getting it on without assistance, so while she did miss having Horatia around, she had to admit that her lady’s maid wasn’t exactlyneededtoday.
She left her room, wondering whether she could locate Henrietta and speak to her about whatever she had on her mind. The thought of that confrontation made her anxious. But she knew she would feel better once it was over, so it would be better to find Henrietta quickly and get it dealt with.
The dining room was empty, though, as was the sitting room. The manor was quiet, and Madeleine frowned, wondering what to make of the absence of any people. They wouldn’t have all gone out somewhere without her, would they? Surely not on her first day.
She explored the whole first floor, then peered out the window at the grounds. She knew how vast they were. If everyone was outside, there wasn’t much chance of finding them. She would return to her room, she decided, and wait until dinner. Surely she would see them then—unless they chose to send her dinner up to her room too, that was…
Then she heard voices coming from a hallway she had never explored.
She couldn’t tell what they were saying, but her heart leaped at the realization that one of the voices belonged to a man. It could only be Thomas.
Then she frowned. When had she started feeling so excited at the prospect of hearing his voice? She was supposed to keep her distance, not allowing herself to get excited by the thought of seeing his face.
