James only gaped, feeling warmth bloom in his chest at her admission. Just like that, James felt a new burst of admiration for Alicia; and he knew, without a doubt, that Agatha was wrong. Alicia wasso much morethan just a governess; she was the woman that saved him.
Chapter Fifteen
As Alicia and James parted ways, she had to admit how he stayed in her mind for a long time after. Perhaps she had imagined it, but as she sat in the gardens staring out at the topiary, she felt as if something had passed between them, then. There was a little flicker ofsomethingdeep inside her chest, something she couldn't quite place but left a warmth in her chest, nonetheless.
But what of it? James was a marquess, her employer no less, and harboring these feelings for him was unhealthy. Shaking her head, Alicia hauled herself upright and brushed down her skirts, then grabbed the book from its spot beside her.
At least Lady Bennington is gone,she thought sourly, only to feel a flash of guilt at the thought. It was true that she had been less than kind, but perhaps Alicia had simply caught her on a bad day.Do you really think that?Her mind betrayed, but she shook her head once again to cast out those unhelpful thoughts.
Inside, Alicia ducked into the library to replace the book, roaming the aisles of tall, looming bookcases until she found the right spot. There were so many books that it was simplyimpossibleto even fathom reading them all. There were quite a few educational books - a whole section on engineering, for instance - that were completely beyond Alicia's comprehension.
"We found you!" a voice chirped, and Alicia turned to see Samuel racing down one of the aisles with a beaming grin on his face.
"Samuel!" Alicia called, immediately reaching out to catch him before he could do something silly and get hurt. "No running in the library,please."Heart thudding against her ribs, she deposited him on the nearest chair - a plush armchair facing the window.
A moment later, Jenny appeared; and Alicia's heart rate calmed when she came skipping over at a more reasonable pace. "We saw you with James and Lady Bennington," she said cheerfully, "They'rebestfriends, but Lady Bennington is in love with him!"
Alicia groaned. She didnotwant to be having this conversation with two young children. "Jenny," she chimed, "it isn't nice to speculate about your brother's friendships." Except, hadn't she done the very same thing not so long ago? It was quite clear to her that Lady Bennington was in love.
She tried not to think too hard about why that thought made her stomach twist.
Jenny strode over, arms folded, and dropped into the armchair opposite Samuel. She stared out of the window for a moment, but her gaze eventually turned back to Alicia. "Before you came here," she said matter of factly, "we had a lot of spare time, and watching the people James invited over isfun."
"Besides," Samuel cut in, "she's right. Lady Bennington is in love with him, and he knows it, too."
The sensible thing to do would have been to put a stop to this silly chatter. It was none of her business, and she certainly didn't need to hear about any kind of drama from children. Yet... she was curious. It left an odd ache in her chest to know that someone else had feelings for James Arvill, but at the same time, she felt the impossible tug of curiosity drawing her in.
Samuel grinned as if he saw the spark of interest in her eyes and wanted to play along. He shifted in the too-big armchair, legs crossed with one foot dangling off the edge. "Lady Bennington is the only person who thinks James is innocent. He doesn't know we know about the rumors, but we know how tolisten."
"But that isn't the point," Jenny cut in, "the point is that Lady Bennington's mama wants them to court, and she's been trying foryears,but James has turned her down at every attempt."
"Because he's not interested in romance," Samuel added.
Not interested in romance? Alicia quirked a brow. Her chest was heavy with disappointment, but what did she expect? Anyway, she had barely been here a handful of months, and she shouldn't be invading Lord Arvill's personal information like this-
"Everything all right in here?"
Alicia jumped, a small squeak leaving her lips as she spun to face the source of the voice. She was met with a pair of dark blue eyes, watching her with barely concealed amusement. "Lord Arvill," she stuttered - but it was Edwin, not James. She wasn't entirely sure if that was better. "I didn't realize you were here."
His lips parted into an easy smile, and he seemed to brighten. "I was just looking for something to occupy the time. A new book. Do you have any suggestions?" He wandered to the bookcase beside her, staring up at the rows and rows of options. He was so close, in fact, that Alicia could smell the cologne on his skin.
She stepped away, hands falling to her side. It was rude, she knew, but the curling discomfort that rose in her stomach at his arrival couldn't be ignored. "The children and I were just chatting," she said idly, "but I think it's about time that I got back to work. I have, uh, tests to mark." She hadn't actually given the children any tests because most of her teaching was done orally... but he didn't need to know that.
Edwin looked at her from the corner of his eyes, brows raised. "And here I thought we could sit and have a nice conversation over literature."
"Sorry to disappoint," Alicia lied, "but I reallyambusy."
"Shame."
Alicia couldn't help but wince, quietly sliding out of the library and into the hall. It wasn't that she disliked Edwin Arvill, per se, but every encounter with him left her feeling decidedly...uncomfortable.
Yet it wasn't Edwin that lingered on her mind long after she had left, but James.
* * *
If there was one thing that James detested, it was guilt. It curled deep in his gut and made a home there, curling around his organs and squeezing so tightly that he couldn't even breathe. It had been plaguing him for a day now, and although he had considered writing to Agatha to ask for an apology, he couldn't quite bring himself to put pen to paper.
His relationship with Agatha had been turbulent over the years. Not so much because of her, but because of the feelings he knew she harbored for him. Given that James had never felt the same, their friendship had been rocky since he discovered that Agatha Bennington, his best friend since childhood, was in love with him.
