After I take a long bath, I do my best to eat something and relax a little. But the ball of anxiety will stay with me until the night is over. Ross is unpredictable, so I’m always on edge. I know not to be late when it’s time to go, so I start getting ready a few hours before eleven.
I take my time slicking my hair into a high ponytail. I then take wavy bundles of weave and wrap them around, making a long ponytail that hangs down to the middle of my back. Next, I start on my makeup. I didn’t use to wear so much makeup, but I know that’s the look Ross likes. So, I’ve perfected my routine.
I have watched so many how-to videos that I could make one at this point. I make sure to contour my round face and highlight my cheekbones. The smoky eye makes my dark, almost onyx brown eyes look mysterious. I decide to wear a red matte lipstick to finish off the look.
I make sure to put on one of the most expensive pairs of shoes that I own. I hate wearing them because my feet will be throbbing, but they make these thick calves of mine look so damn good. I stuff my things into the little red clutch, and I slip on my wedding rings before opening the door.
It’s like willingly putting on shackles. I understand the sentiment behind the saying “ball and chain”, except my husband is mine. He’s the one who drags me down and keeps me locked up. I wish I could’ve stayed in my delusional world just a little while longer before Mr. Hyde made his appearance.
I guess I missed the red flags because I wanted the long marriage that my parents have. I wanted the love and admiration they still share. If they had any inkling of what I was going through with Ross… I stop myself because I don’t want to even think about how they would react. The shame I feel is so suffocating that I can barely function sometimes. I’m glad my family doesn’t live near me; it makes it much easier to hide myembarrassment. But the guilt of not telling them is eating me alive.
I know my family would do anything for me. I just don’t want them to know that I married an abuser. They love Ross. He put on the best mask for my parents. I wish they would’ve seen through it like they did with all the other boyfriends I had.
My Mama has a sixth sense for bullshit. She can see a scammer, adeadbeat, and a loser from a mile away. But somehow Ross slipped under her radar. Hell, he slipped through all of our defenses. I used to pride myself on not putting up with assholes, but somehow I ended up married to the biggest one.
I take a deep breath and gather up all of my courage before opening the door. Ross is waiting in the driveway, but he hadn’t blown the horn yet, so I know I’m on time.
Give me strength.
The night is going exactly like I thought it would. Ross has been agitated since I got into the car. Although he didn’t say anything about my dress the entire ride to the club, Ross gaveme the side-eye as soon as I got out of the car. I held in the heavy sigh I wanted so badly to let out because I knew he was on some shit.
When we start inside, Ross makes a big show of placing his hand on my back. He leans into me and whispers into my ear as we walk.
“Where the fuck did you get that ugly ass dress?” Ross looks at me, and I can see the ever-burning rage dancing in his eyes.
“It was a gift from Talia,” I answer quietly, grinning up at him.
The smile on my face is strong and convincing. If someone were looking at us, we’d seem like a cute couple whispering to one another. He knows the smile is for show, after all, he taught me how to do it.
“I bought you a wardrobe worth thousands of dollars for a reason. Wear the fucking clothes that I buy for you.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Shut up before you piss me off. If you embarrass me tonight, you’ll regret it.”
His threat strikes fear in my heart like never before. Ross is a heat-of-the-moment type of monster. His evil has never been premeditated, at least I don’t think it is.
We continue inside without stopping. Because Ross works with the owner of several clubs, including this one, we always get the VIP treatment whenever we’re here. I see there’s no special party going on, and it makes me wonder why I’m here. That thought makes me even more nervous.
I’ve had a reprieve for almost the entire month. Ross hasn’t even mentioned a party. And because I hate coming to these things anyway, I never asked about why he stopped making me come. One of the hardest parts about achieving peace in a relationship like mine is knowing that it is temporary. And with his behavior tonight, I know my peace has been shattered.
Ross roughly pulls me through the large crowd to the far side of the club where the entrance to the VIP sections are. As soon as we get to the rope, the bouncer shifts to the side and lets us pass. It’s no surprise that the section is packed with a bunch of people I don’t recognize.
Ross finally lets me go to shake hands with a man who approaches us with a big, slimy grin on his face. I’ve seen him around a few times, and the feeling every time I see him is always the same… creep.
“Hey man, it’s good to see you. I got some prime ass waiting on you. They were damn near fighting each other for a spot at the table.”
I hold my face in a neutral expression even though the creep is looking directly at me. I know he’s trying to get a reaction, but I learned my lesson about making a scene about Ross’s whores. I still have to cover the scar on my cheek from the one time I questioned him.
No, I won’t react on the outside. But I die a little more on the inside. I would say my heart shatters more, but I don’t think that’s impossible because my heart is irreparable.
“You said that the last time, and you know how that turned out,” Ross responds.
The creep frowns, and I almost let a chuckle slip out. It’s always funny to me when Ross lets the façade fall in front of others. It’s like the devil can’t help but show himself. It’s just a pity I didn’t see it in time.
“That wasn’t my fault. I told you—”
Ross holds up his hand, and the creep instantly stops talking. I don’t know what happened, and obviously Ross doesn’t want me to know either. I’m sure it’s better if I don’t know. There’s absolutely no end to Ross’ depravity, so only the Lord knows what went down the last time.
