If she only knew.
But Talia doesn’t know because nobody knows my struggles. Mainly because I’ve hidden them so well. I never wanted anyone to know that my husband emotionally and sometimes physically abuses me. I don’t want anyone to know that I chose the wrong man to love. I don’t want anyone to know that I live in fear. I don’t want anyone to know my pain.
Now, I’m trapped because no one knows.
My phone beeps, and my anxiety starts to rise. I grimace because I know it’s Ross. I don’t even want to answer the call, but I know I have to. When I look at the phone and I confirm that it is indeed him, I sigh.
“Hey, Talia, I need to go. Ross is calling.”
“Okay, girl. Tell him I said hey. Have fun tonight! I know I will.” Talia makes kissing noises in the phone before hanging up.
I take a deep, fortifying breath before answering.
“Hey, babe,” I say as sweetly as possible.
“What took you so long to answer the fucking phone!” Ross yells.
I grimace because a yelling Ross is bad news. If he’s already in a bad mood, the night will be worse than I anticipated. I’ll damned near have to play mute to get out of the night unscathed.
“Sorry, I was talking to Talia. You know how hard it is to get her off the phone.” I bite my lip, hoping he lets it go. Talia is the only friend that he tolerates. I don’t want him to start in on her.
“Next time, just hang up. I’m more important than everyone.”
I can picture the sneer on his face. Ross used to be the most handsome man in the world to me. His tan skin, sun-kissedblond hair, and dark hazel eyes. I thought I’d won the lottery. Too bad there’s a monster hiding underneath all that handsome.
I’ve been with Ross for four years. We’ve been married for two years, but the abuse started right before the wedding. It was little things at first. Nitpicking and criticizing me. I thought he was just stressed about the wedding. Turns out, he was just getting warmed up.
“Of course, it won’t happen again,” I quickly reply.
“It better not fucking happen again. I always have to tell you every fucking thing more than once. Why are you so fucking stupid? I don’t even know if I want to be bothered with your ass tonight.”
When the line goes quiet, I cross my fingers, hoping like hell that he doesn’t want me to go tonight. My husband hasn’t bothered dragging me out in weeks. However, if I actually get to stay at home, and if he comes back, it might be worse than me going out. He might accuse me of cheating again, and I ended up with a black eye the last time that happened. Or he might ignore me like he has been. Only God knows what will happen.
“Whatever you want me to do, Ross.” I try to appease him.
“Shut the fuck up! I know you’ll do whatever the fuck I want you to do. Be ready when I come to pick you up. Stupid bitch.” Ross hangs up the phone before I can respond.
I should be upset that he hung up on me, but I’m just relieved. Not hearing his voice is like a symphony. One day, I want to have peace. Hopefully, I can figure out how to get it soon.
I shake my head as I put the phone down to look for something to wear. I hate going anywhere with him because I have to act like the petty shots he takes at me don’t hurt. As if his words are just jokes that don’t cut to the core of who I am.
I stupidly thought Ross would eventually go back to the warm, loving person he once was. But I know that he was neverthat man. It was all an act. The problem is, I don’t understand why. Why did he choose me? What was it about me that attracted this type of abuser? Why couldn’t I see through the façade?
None of that matters now, I guess. I just need to find a way to escape. I have to do my best to stay out of his way until I can leave. Problem is, I don’t know how I’m going to accomplish that. I barely have any money, and I don’t want to ask anyone for help. Ross is vindictive, and the last thing I want to do is drag anyone else into my messy marriage.
“What will make me good and invisible?” I question out loud.
I look through my closet at all the high-priced dresses, and nothing catches my eye. All of the dresses are beautiful, most are overtly sexy, but none of them are particularly my style. Ross buys my clothes because he says I’m incapable of making the right choices.
I’m surprised he hasn’t picked my outfits each day before leaving the house.
I cringe at the thought. I wouldn’t put it past him to do that, so I’d better not give him any ideas. I look at a simple little black dress that’s pushed to the back of the closet.
“I remember this. Talia got this for my birthday.” I nod, grabbing it off the hanger.
I examine the dress carefully. Even though it hits my mid-thigh, it’s a modest length compared to the dresses Ross buys for me. It has a small diamond cut-out in the upper mid-section, with spaghetti straps and a sweetheart neckline.
Since the dress was a gift, I’m not sure if Ross will approve of it. But I’m sure I can get away with wearing it because Talia got it for me. Although I met Talia through Ross, I can tell he doesn’t particularly care for her. However, Talia is the only friend that I have left that he hasn’t made disparaging comments about, so I’ll take that as a win.
