“What?”
“I was so freaking terrified, too.” He lets out a low chuckle. “We were so young, barely in our mid-twenties, just starting to figure things out. Then one day we were looking at the small plus sign and knew our lives have forever changed. And she, oh God, your mother was the brightest thing in my life. She was so excited to meet you while there I was, scared out of my mind.”
I blink at him in surprise. “Youwere? But I’ve never seen you scared of anything!”
“Of course I was. I had no idea what kind of father I would be with my work schedule. It was a worry of mine to try to fit hockey life with family life. But your mother was fearless. She kept telling me love would be enough.” He looks away, lost in memories. “She used to talk to you every night when she thought I was asleep. Whispering all the things she wanted you to experience. She would rest her hand on her stomach and tell you that the world awaited you. That you were going to do incredible things. How all those adventures, happiness, and love were waiting for you out there.”
Tears burn in the corners of my eyes. He grips my hand a little tighter. “Losing someone you love is the hardest thing you’ll ever go through. But do you know what can be even harder?” I shake my head, unable to speak. “Being alone. After losing your mother, I could’ve shut down. I could’ve locked myself away and got lost in work. But I had you. And raising you is what saved me.”
My tears spill over, and I wipe my cheeks with my sleeve. “I don’t know if I can survive that type of loss again.”
“You can. And you will. Because love is worth it. You’re worth it. Rasmus is worth it. And you two will have a beautiful life together. I have no doubt about it.”
A sob catches in my throat. “He says he’s all in. But what if something happens? What if he changes his mind? What if I lose him in a different way?”
“You can spend your whole life worrying about what ifs, Haisley. But what if he doesn’t leave? What if he stays? What if he’s exactly what you need in your life? Those are also what-if questions but hold a vastly different weight on them.”
His words remind me of the conversations I had with Rasmusat the cabin. I’m starting to understand what they mean about life’s what-ifs.
“Your mother used to say the best things in life are what scare you the most. And she was right. Loving someone is scary. But it’s also the most important thing you’ll ever do.”
My hands press a little harder against my baby bump. “I really don’t want to be alone.”
“You don’t have to be. But you have to choose to let love in. Lethimin.” His expression softens with his words. “And you’ve never been alone. You have me, Gloria, your brothers, and all your friends. Your extended families, both here in the States and in Spain, also care for you. We’re all here for you.”
“But I almost lost you.”
Dad smiles. “I don’t know if you remember this, as you were a little girl when I started dating Gloria. But I didn’t know if I could open up my heart again. But she made it surprisingly easy with her love for us both. She also showed me that her love didn’t replace what we had lost.”
I let his words settle in my heart. And I finally understand how Rasmus isn’t replacing anything. He’s only adding something new to my life. Something I need.
“I can see my words are getting through.” Dad’s eyes soften. “Your mother was so proud of her heritage. She wanted you to know where she came from.” He pauses. “I’m glad Rasmus will understand. It means your son will also have that special connection to your mother, and you both can cherish it.”
My throat tightens again. “You think so?”
“I know so.” His hand squeezes mine again. “And I believe your mother would be pleased. She’d love that you found yourself aman who challenges you to feel and think beyond your comfort zone. So, don’t let fear make decisions for you, Haisley. Love is always worth the risk.”
I exhale slowly, nodding. Maybe it’s time I start believing that, too.
38
SHE’S GOT YOU WHIPPED ALREADY
RASMUS
After a typical two-hour practice, Papa Shane drops onto the cubby bench beside mine, running a towel through his damp hair. His shoulders crack audibly as he rolls them out. “Damn, I’m getting old.” When I don’t respond, he nudges me and says, “What’s going on with you?”
I shrug, checking the tape on my stick, even though it doesn’t need fixing. “Nothing.”
My captain snorts, the kind of sound that says he’s heard more bullshit in his life than he cares to count. “You’ve been brooding since warm-ups. You’re barely talking. Something’s going on.”
He leans back against the cubby, arms crossed, waiting me out. It’s annoying how good he is at this. He’s like a big brother figure combined with a therapist wearing a hockey jersey.
“It’s Haisley.”
“What about her? Are you thinking about her dad and his diagnosis?”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not that. The thing is that I haven’t told her I want us to live together and share our lives forever. But it isn’t that easy after everything that has happened.”
