”Do you want anything to drink?” I ask Tanya as I move to the kitchen on the other side of the room.
“Sure, thanks. I’ll just go upstairs and get ready for bed.”
“I’ll be there soon.”
“Okay,” she answers and starts walking up the stairs. I admire how her dress hugs her with her every step.
After getting both of us water bottles, I take two steps at a time and stop outside the ajar bedroom door moments later. I breathe deeply and slowly blow out, trying to calm my wildly beating heart. You’d think I’ve never done this before. But everything is different with Tanya. She makes me feel things I haven’t before.
“Sunflower?” I ask as I press my palm on the partly open door, opening it more.
Her reply comes from the ensuite bathroom. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry if I made everything awkward after the restaurant, but I, um…”Another deep breath.“I really, really like you, okay? And I’m beyond excited but also so nervous about what tonight might bring.”
Tanya walks out of the bathroom after my confession, and my jaw hits the floor. She’s removed her makeup and only wears a silky mint green top and short shorts made of the same material. Her hair is gathered on top, creating one of those messy buns that take a lot of work, even though they look effortless.
She smiles and sits on the edge of the bed. “I like you, too. A lot.”
Hearing that makes me feel giddy. It somehow eases my nerves that she’s feeling it, too. “That definitely helps.”
Tanya lets out a relieved laugh. “I really want to touch you and feel you against my skin. Is that something you want?”
“You have no idea how much.”
“Then show me,” she whispers and gets up just as I take a step her way.
We meet in the middle of the room, and I take her in my arms before bringing my mouth to hers. The kiss we share is full of anticipation, promises, and pure lust. And admiration because I’m quickly falling for the woman pressed against me.
What starts as a rather sweet embrace gets heated quickly, and Tanya moves her hands to my shirt hem. I know I suggested earlier how she could help apply the sunscreen on my back tomorrow before we hang out by the pool, but I’m freaking out right now. It isn’t a secret that I’m a big man. Even though my tattoos hide some stretch marks and other imperfections, getting rid of my shirt in front of someone new for the first time is always nerve-racking. Especially since I’m very attracted to Tanya and want her to find my body pleasing in her eyes.
She must sense my hesitation based on my stiff body language and drops her hands. “What’s wrong, Edmund?”
How do I explain my insecurities to the woman who’s the most perfect thing I have had in my arms?
“I don’t—” I try to breathe slowly to avoid rambling. “It’s hard for me to get naked with someone new. I’m afraid you won’t like what you see.”
My words feel heavy between us until Tanya lowers herself on the edge of the bed again and motions me to sit beside her. “Come here, love.”
I like that word coming from her lips.Love.
Slowly, I gather my courage and sink onto the bed. “I always thought it’s sad how the media only talks about women feeling bad about their looks and bodies when so many of us men struggle with the same issue. Male body dysmorphia is a problem that is only worsening as it isn’t discussed enough.”
“Do you think you have body dysmorphia?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think so, but I sometimes think about my body too much.”
“What’s your biggest issue with it, if you don’t mind me asking?” Tanya asks in a soothing tone.
“The size of it in general. I’m often worried about taking up too much space or looking unattractive because of my weight. It’s also hard to get fitter as I love food if you haven’t noticed, and don’t enjoy going to the gym to burn calories.”
Tanya rubs my back in slow circles. “You know, your size was the first thing I noticed about you after your smile—”
I let out a humorless chuckle. “See?”
“Let me finish.” She gives me a stern look. “I noticed itbecauseI find you and your body extremely sexy. I’ve always been attracted to bigger men that make me feel smaller than my five foot eight frame. From the first moment I laid my eyes on you, I have admired your thick thighs, broad chest, muscular arms, and other parts of your body. And let’s not even forget your bigger backside, as you lovingly called it. I have wanted to squeeze it so many times during our time together.”
Well, damn. I didn’t see that coming. “You really find me that attractive?”
