“You mentioned at the hospital that you’re taking some criminology and sociology classes at the local community college. How are you managing it with everything else?”
“When Will started high school four years ago, I enrolled in online classes at our local community college. It isn’t the same as going to college and getting that experience, but the past four years have helped me to figure out what I want to do with my life after I’m no longer responsible for another human. And it’s helped that Will isn’t a kid anymore. He can take care of himself, and now he’s off to college next week.”
“What is he going to major in?”
Her eyes glow with pride. “Sports management while playing football for Alabama. Playing at a college level has always been his dream, and we made it happen. I put most of the insurance money aside so we both can go to college one day.”
I can tell how much her brother means to Tanya, making me like her even more. “I’m glad things worked out as you planned. But what about you?”
“What about me?”
“You wanted to be a nurse, but that seems to be something in the past.”
She nods. “My dreams and understanding of myself have drastically changed since I applied to nursing school all those years ago. I have been working toward my associate degree in Criminal Justice, planning on pursuing a four-year degree later. I’ll hopefully graduate next spring. If I won’t be a prison guard, I still want to work within the field somehow.”
“It seems like you do have a plan, after all.”
Tanya looks tentative after my comment. “Let’s see how everything goes. If I don’t finish my studies, I always have the option to stay working at the restaurant or do something else.”
“Now that your brother is off to college, what’s stopping you?”
“Do you want my practiced answer or the real answer?”
“Isn’t it obvious which I prefer?”
She takes a deep breath and lets it out. “My practiced answer is money, but the real answer is that I’m scared. Our parents ensured we had the money for education, so I could study more if I wanted. But I have this fear of failing that keeps me rooted.”
“We all fail at times,” I remind her.
“But not all of us are ready to try like you did.”
”I believe you are stronger than you think, my sunflower. Don’t let the fear stop you.”
“I’ll try my best.”
14
SPADE
Despite the serious conversation we had, the ride back is filled with sexual tension—we share heated glances, our hands linked. I can’t stop thinking about having her in my arms. Touching her. Licking her. Tasting her. My body yearns for her.
Now that I’m feeling healed and healthy with no headache, we can finally take our intimacy to the next level. If Tanya is feeling at least half of what I am, the promise of tonight is consuming her thoughts just like mine.
To me, sex has never been the most crucial thing in a relationship. Not even in my top three, to be honest. I have appreciated other things like quality time, acts of kindness, and words of affirmation. But I have a feeling that’s about to change if (hopefully when) we get that far. I’m hoping to finally understand what romance novels mean when they describe that special connection between two people.
I’m letting Tanya make the first move tonight. I need to show her that she’s in charge, at least for one night. I might show her a different side of me later as I have a recurring fantasy about taking her from behind, her hair wrapped around my fist. But only if she wants it rougher, too.
“Spade?” She asks from beside me.
“Huh?”
“We’re home.”
Her words register, and I look around, realizing she’s right. It seems like I drove us back in a haze. And it really doesn’t help that all those thoughts about having her naked made my dick harder than I thought was possible. I need to get it under control ASAP.
“I’ll get your door for you,” I blurt out and open my door before walking around the back of the truck to calm my raging boner. When I’m behind the vehicle, I quickly rearrange the situation in my pants. It’s awkward as hell, but it is what it is.
I help her out of the truck and we hold hands on our way inside. The downstairs living space is dark when we walk in, and the only light comes from upstairs, from the bedroom where we slept last night.
