32
ROSE
We returned to my family's hostel for the final night. It wasn’t our original plan, but we couldn't say no after Leo and Chris kept asking us to spend the night. Those two know how to use their brown puppy eyes for good.
There’s a knock on the guest room door while I’m repacking our things before the morning flight—Eli went overboard with shopping, which means we needed an extra bag. I had no idea Eli loves buying gifts as much as he does. He’s bought something for Ollie, Jax, his sister Claire, niece Rosalie, and the kids at the community center. There’s every single Greek souvenir you can imagine in this bed.What a mess, but I wouldn’t change him for the world.
“Come in!” I call out and take another shirt off the bed. When I look over my shoulder to see who walks in, I shouldn’t be too surprised to see my mom. I knew this talk was about to come, but I wasn’t ready before today.
“Hi, mom. What’s up?” I ask her with a smile.
“Maggie, sunshine, there are some things I want to talk to you about before you leave.”
I drop the shirt I was trying to make smaller by rolling it and sit down on the bed. I motion for her to join me.
Glancing at her natural look, I can see where I got my eyes, the shape of my lips, freckles, and unruly curls. It’s like I’m looking at myself in the mirror in the future. This person is the main reason why I look like I do. And here I’m thinking if I can forgive her completely. The last two weeks have done wonders. Don’t get me wrong. My hurt just goes so deep.
She starts before I can speak. “I know this isn’t the conversation you want to have right now. Especially since you just got Eli back. It has been such an emotional time for you this summer. But please, listen to me when I tell you that I’ve always loved you.”
She pauses when her voice breaks. “I never wanted to hurt you, but I was young and had no idea what to do. It wasn’t like I dreamed of having a kid at that age and then being in a marriage that wasn’t for me. I once loved your father very much, but we were so young. Our marriage wasn’t what we both deserved. I know if you ask your father, he will disagree. He just didn’t see how wrong we were for each other. David wanted to make it work when I was expecting you. Still, I know that we wouldn’t have stayed together if it wasn’t for you.”
I take in a deep breath. I expected as much. But it’s still hard to hear all these things about my parents. I’m what forced them to be together for longer than necessary. They could have been happier sooner without me. It isn’t an easy pill to swallow.
“Did you ever say this to dad? Like, did you actually sit down and explain how you feel?” I take hold of her hand and give her a reassuring squeeze. I hope she doesn’t take my question in the wrong way.
“No, I didn’t. It’s one of the things I regret. I think David would have understood what I needed. He would have let me go without all the fights. It was like my life was over before it even started. Don’t get me wrong, having you was a blessing. It still was a tough time for me. Everything with my parents, my friends… I lost them all. Imagine, my parents know they have two more grandchildren but have never asked me about them.”
I feel bad since I was the one ignoring her for years too. “I’m sorry if I ever hurt you, mom. I was just so damn hurt myself after you left us without an explanation. You’ve no idea how much you hurt me.”
“I think I do. Leaving you was the hardest thing. I cried for weeks. I couldn’t sleep or think. It was killing me. But I knew I was needed here too.”
Thinking about it more, I know she is right.
“The first year after you left changed us all. It was such a challenging time—” It’s her time to take my hand as I try to keep my tears from falling. “I was so scared, mom. I thought I’d lose him too. Dad was a broken man after you left. There’s no other way to describe him. It was like someone just took his spark away.”
“I never wanted to hurt you or him. I was just lost and needed space. Can you forgive me?”
“I think this trip has helped me to start the process of forgiving you. It’ll still take time. But I do love you, mom. Always have, and always will.”
She looks at me with tears in her eyes. It breaks me to see her like this. But we both must process the feelings we have. There’s too much weight of the past to carry around if we want to move on.
* * *
The ride to the airport is eerily quiet. Nobody says a word in the car. The only sound in the small space comes from the radio playing a current hit song.
Leo and Chris sit on either side of Eli. I’m chopped liver to them after getting to know him better during our stay. Last night Leo even told Eli that he wishes that we get married so Eli can be his brother. Eli tried to keep his emotions in check while hugging my little brother, who didn’t want to let go.
I sit next to my mom, holding her hand the entire way to the airport. It’s hard to say goodbye since we don’t know when we’ll see each other again.
Eli promises to buy my family flights to the city for the holidays. My mom wraps her arms around him and thanks him repeatedly while tears stream down her face. I can’t even imagine how she must feel. She finally got me back, and now she needs to let me go again. I guess it’s close to how I feel but even more profound. Before my visit, I had no idea how much my mom was hurting inside.
Moving from Eli to me, my mom starts sobbing loudly. We both cry at the departures.
“I love you, mom,” I tell her between my sobs. It is a miracle that I even get any words out. I hate saying goodbye so soon after fixing things between us.
“I love you, my sunshine. Don’t be a stranger.” My mom says as Dimos kisses her forehead and takes her in his arms to comfort her.
“I’ll message you once we get home,” I promise them both.
