Today’s song:It Only Hurts by Default
Day after day, I keep telling myself it only hurts today.
But each day, I have to repeat that.
As reality starts sinking in and I can’t breathe any longer.
The pain I feel isn’t only physical. It’s also mental.
Like I’ve been missing my mother today.
Imagine that.
Being alone in this room surely leaves too much space for thinking.
And I’ve been thinking about how seeing my little brothers could cheer me up.
They’re just toddlers who haven’t met their big sister yet because she lives far away and holds a grudge for their mother.
I wish it were easier.
Grandma Lou often tells me that I’m like my mother in many ways.
We’re both as stubborn as they come.
At least, that’s what my family keeps saying.
I personally think that horses are stubborn, not people like me.
It’s hard for me to see the connection between my mother and me anyway.
I mean, we are both curvy redheads with brown eyes and freckles, but that’s where it ends.
There isn’t much else that connects us.
She left her childhood home at age 16 and got married at 17.
My dad was her first love.
She was his only.
Six short months later, they had me and loved me too.
At least that’s what Grandma Lou keeps saying even though I’m not convinced.
I try to picture my mother and how she looked years ago.
My family doesn’t have many photos of her left, so I rely on my memory most of the time.
My favorite thing about her is her wide smile.
Especially that little dimple on her left cheek.
I remember tracing it and her full lips with my tiny fingers.
I miss that smile even though I shouldn't.
We often drove to the nearest park for ice cream.
