Eli notices us reaching the car and gets out of the driver’s seat. When Helen spots him, she stops and puts her hand over her heart. “Look at you, Eli Parker! You look even better than my great-niece told me. Come here and give me some of that sugar!”
Eli laughs at her choice of words and hugs my great aunt. He whispers something to her, and she looks up to his face and winks. Of course, grownup Eli has my great aunt Helen wrapped around his little finger within a minute. I knew he had charm, but this must be a record.
To be fair, I think Helen has always had a soft spot for Eli and other boys who stayed at the Browns. She often helped Grandma Lou make cookies for them.
It isn’t surprising that we take Helen to Tres Besos to eat and meet the owners. However, my great aunt surprises everyone else with her Spanish skills. Maria and Santiago are as lovely as always. They keep asking us if everything is good and if we want refills or more side dishes.
Seeing one of my few family members at the same table with Eli does something to me—it’s like being blessed and being afraid at the same time. I’m waiting for something to happen, for something to go wrong. Excusing myself, I get up and walk to the restroom. As I splash some water on my face to calm my nerves, I hear the door open.
Looking in the mirror, I see Helen with a hesitant smile on her face.
“Everything okay, sweetheart?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s just a lot to process to have you here with Eli.” I pace around in a circle and shake my head with a weak laugh. My voice cracks. “It feels like we just skipped seven years, and everything is like it should have been years ago.”
Helen stands behind me, thinking over what I just sputtered. Turning around, I stare at her. Having her here releases something inside me. I can’t stop my tears even if I tried.
“C’mere, let me hug you and take away some of those thoughts,” Helen says, opening her arms. I step towards her and wrap my arms around her while sobbing.
After our hug, Helen looks at me from head to toe and asks if I feel anxious. Nodding, I let out the breath I had been holding.
“Okay then. Do you want me to get him?” she asks.
As I nod again, she leaves the restroom. Only Eli shows up a minute later.
“Is everything okay?” His voice is slightly panicked while he holds my face between his palms. It makes me wonder what Helen told him. I can’t get any words out because I’m too overwhelmed with all the details. Shaking my head, I swipe my cheeks with my cardigan sleeves. He looks at me with sadness in his eyes. “Will you be okay while I get them to pack our food to go? It’ll only take a few minutes.”
“That sounds good.” I manage to say before another sob shakes my entire body. Eli leaves the room between my sobs, he knows I need space to calm down.
After a while, Eli knocks on the door and then opens it. “Gorgeous, Helen is waiting with our food. Are you ready to go? We can eat at my place.”
Moving towards him, I don’t say anything. There are no words left in me. I’m not even sure if I want to be around anyone right now. I just need peace and quiet. But I can’t leave Helen alone. She is here to see me, after all.
* * *
When we get to the penthouse, Eli shows Helen the guest room while I get ready for bed. Taking my meds, I hope to feel better soon. Closing my eyes, I keep counting to ten repeatedly and lean against the bathroom counter. I can sense Eli standing there against the doorframe.
I hear him walk to the bathtub and turn on the faucet. I finally open my eyes to stare at his back. The tub starts filling with warm water while Eli goes to the cabinet and looks for a bath soak that I bought last week. Finding it, he returns to the tub and pours it in. The soothing smell of coconut fills the bathroom.
After the tub is filled, Eli helps me get out of my clothes and gives me a hand while I get into the water. The warmth calms me down instantly. Kissing my forehead, Eli leaves the bathroom. It doesn’t matter if I love having him around. When the anxiety attack starts, I want to be alone and relax.
Closing my eyes again, I focus on the water and its feeling against my skin. The entire bathroom smells like my favorite bath soak too. Focusing on something else helps immensely. It reminds me of the importance of practicing mindfulness. I just need to work on my technique more like Ruth has suggestedonce or twice.
When I get out of the tub half an hour later, Eli comes to see how I am doing. He hands me the towel and helps me to dry up. Carefully, Eli leads me to the bedroom. I get dressed for bed as he changes into his basketball shorts.
Once we are both under the covers, he spoons me from behind. We lay there, our heartbeats the only sound I hear. Sleep soon takes me, and for once, there are no dreams or nightmares—only blackness. Sleeping next to Eli gives my mind a chance to rest.
Walking into the kitchen the following morning, I see Helen enjoying the pancakes she ordered. It’s a blessing to have a restaurant with a fantastic all-day breakfast menu in the same building.
“Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?” She asks and pours me a cup of coffee.
I nod while taking the creamer out of the fridge and thinking over what to say. It hasn’t always been like this between us. We used to be more open. I’m just afraid that Helen will get worried again. Yesterday’s events feel like a failure on my part. I know there’s nothing wrong with my anxiety, but it limits my life in different ways. It is hard to accept it sometimes.
I think over her question some more before deciding to go with honesty. “After the bath and taking meds, I could sleep without any distractions. It was okay, but nothing I would call home about.” Pouring more hazelnut creamer into my cup, I take a sip while avoiding Helen’s gaze. She’s just like her sister in many ways—their most annoying trait is knowing when I’m not telling everything.
“You and Eli should talk about the past. I know you’ve shared everything else, but not how that one night changed you both. It’s like you’re avoiding it on purpose.”
She’s right, and she knows it.
