Easing my hold on Marianne after our hug, I count my blessings to have her and Haisley in my life. I met Marianne first while working together at a local dive bar during my first month in New York. Our boss was an older man who liked to hire younger women without experience. The ad said that he was looking for a server. He didn’t care that I was only a teen—it only mattered that I looked good and innocent while serving beer. I ended up pouring drinks for five days and quit.
When Marianne and Haisley’s other roommate moved out soon after, she offered me the room from their shared house in Brooklyn Heights. She remembered me and thought I could use a friend or two in the new city. I wasn’t too keen to have roommates, but my funds limited my options. Especially as I needed to save money for my education, and my cleaning job didn’t pay that well.
Marianne and Haisley met while studying for their master’s degrees in business. They are both in their early thirties, so I am the baby of our house at age twenty-four. Timmy just turned thirty-five. He likes to point out that he’s forever twenty-five. Whatever floats his boat. He works in marketing as a public relations specialist and loves it.
Haisley works in the fashion industry, buying and finding items for designer shops and boutiques around Manhattan. You can tell what she does for a living by looking at her. She has the quirkiest style I have ever seen in real life. I think her closet has every color available. It’s like she dresses her willowy six-foot frame in all the colors of the rainbow.
Haisley’s parents own the brownstone. We all pay rent below the market rate, which is generous. That’s also why we have all stayed for years except for Timmy. After separating from his long-term partner, he and his hairless cat Pickles joined us two years ago. Before that, Marianne used the extra bedroom as her studio. These days, she has a separate studio space for her photography business.
I felt hesitant when Marianne told us about Timmy and how he needed a place to live. But I realized my worries were for nothing after hanging out with him more. Timmy is a teddy bear with a big heart. I am thankful he didn’t turn out to be a serial killer. That would have been just my luck.
I leave my roommates in our long hallway after saying goodnight. I take off my denim jacket and put it on a hanger in my walk-in closet once I’m in my room. I change out of my jeans and flower printed top I chose specifically for the date and into my comfy PJs—a canary yellow set with avocados printed on it. It was a part of my avocado-themed Christmas present from Haisley last year. I once mentioned how I love avocados, and she went a bit overboard.
As I get under my covers after my night routine, I feel like I need at least twelve hours of sleep to have any mental energy left tomorrow. To my surprise, I fall asleep faster than I have in the past year. My emotional turmoil has some positive effects after all.
* * *
Yellow. Green. Red. Yellow again.
They lie.
You can’ttaste the rainbow.
At least, I can’t.
It was something I always wanted to do growing up. I toss another sour hard candy in my mouth and chew. Still no rainbow. What a disappointment.
Checking the time, I let out a shriek and a soft curse.
Holy cow, I need to be ready to see my high school classmate, Alina, for drinks in less than an hour. And I haven’t even started getting ready!
It has been seven years since I last saw her, making tonight even more nerve-racking. My thoughts are all over the place. Yesterday’s icky date didn’t help, either. That’s why I tried to calm myself down while reading a romance series about blue aliens and lost track of time.
After a quick shower, I add mascara and eyeliner around my brown eyes and refresh my long natural strawberry blonde curls. Picking up dark jeans that hug my round bottom perfectly, I shimmy into them. Why does it take forever to get into skinny jeans after washing them? I could star in a music video with these dance moves.
I go through the pile of clothes on my clothes chair and find my favorite maroon top with a sweetheart neckline. It always makes my upper body and the girls look glorious. I finish my cute outfit by adding small silver hoop earrings and a delicate charm set of two necklaces. Looking into my full-body mirror, I love what I see. The clothes I picked accentuate my curves.
As I close my bedroom door five minutes later, I wonder how tonight will go. Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst, I leave our house.
On my way to the bar where we are meeting, I can’t stop thinking about the double date. It still haunts my thoughts no matter what I do. It’s hard to believe I publicly said what I did. It isn’t anything new that I can be distant and critical at times. Usually, I just hide it better and act like the sweet girl everyone assumes I am. Last night showed how my carefully crafted public persona can easily slip now and then.
It all comes from my fear of making long-term plans. Commitment feels like a life sentence right now. My therapist Ruth says it’s okay to feel like this after suffering a personal trauma that changed my carefully thought-out plans seven years ago. I’m just tired of fearing the future and what it brings. I used to love planning and knowing what my life would look like in a year, three years, or ten years.
And then there are my subpar dates that don’t help. I guess it’s now official—my recent dating experiences have made me swear off men. I can’t risk my future again because of a guy. Even if that guy had stunning hazel eyes and dark curly hair, that feels amazing touching my skin.
I don’t even dare to think ofhim.
For now, there’s a more critical matter at hand.
It’s time to face another blast from my past called Alina Tate.
2
ROSE
Walking into the coffee house bar close to my house called Warm’n’Cool, I breathe in the familiar cocktail of smells. It’s a mix of coffee beans, lavender-scented cleaning products they use, and candles they have on tables after six in the evening. I often come here for cheap drinks, food, and live music with my roommates.
The owner of Warm’n’Cool likes to tell a story about a coffee house and bar that decided to have a baby together. Nine months later, Warm’n’Cool was born. It nicely describes my favorite place in the neighborhood.
