Halfway there. We will be there in 3 hours or less.
Do I need to come get you all?
No. Get some rest. Lyric will be waiting on us. She knows what time we’re making it in.
Okay. If you need me, call me. I won’t be able to rest until I know that everyone is okay.
I will. And, we’re okay, mom. Everyone is okay.
Alright, Ever. I love you all.
We love you, too.
Taking a second to let my words register, I asked myself the hard question.Are we really okay?I wondered.I feel okay. I feelfree. That’s better than okay,I reasoned with myself. Satisfied, I let the question go and watched as my girls hurt their teeth and gums with the sugary snacks they’d chosen while watching their iPads.
They’re okay, I concluded.
I dozed,initially, but then ultimately fell into a deep sleep as I watched my girls sleep. As hard as I’d tried avoiding it, exhaustion put me to rest for two whole hours. It felt like an eternity. When I opened my eyes, the bus driver was announcing the Channing bridge, which we were approaching. My eyes bounced around the bus as a faint smile tugged at my lips.
Home. There was nothing like it. It wasn’t often that I visited Channing, but when I did, the feeling was always surreal. The place that had raised me would be the same place that saved me this time around.
“Essy,” I called Essence one of her many nicknames. Wake up, baby. Look. The bridge.”
Essence’s head popped up as she got on her knees to see over the seat in front of us where the bridge was big and bright in the window ahead. Her eyes sparkled and face lightened as we drove underneath the huge structure.
“Wow.”
With my phone, I captured the moment for documentation that would change the trajectory of our lives. This was ground zero for me, and I was happy to be here. When I looked back at the video months or years down the line, I would be able to smile, knowing what that moment meant for us.
Once we’d crossed the bridge and were officially in Channing, I sent Lyric a text.
Hey. We just crossed the bridge. Be at the stop in less than ten minutes.
Cool beans. I’m only five minutes away. See you soon. Sooooo excited!
See you soon. Thank you so much for having us.
As long as you need!
A smile crept up on my face as I sat back in my seat. The realization of my new reality was setting in. There was so much uncertainty, but there was also so much love waiting for the girls and me and that was all we needed. The rest would figure itself out. I wasn’t afraid to get it out of the mud. I just wanted a little help while I did so. I couldn’t do it on my own, not with the girls. My mother and Lyric were more than enough to help me establish my foundation.
Anxiety swelled in my chest, feeling as if someone had my heart in their palms, squeezing it, but for the first time since packing our bags and getting to the bus station, it wasn’t embedded in mind-numbing fear. It was the kind of fear that changed your future that had me breathing deeply and counting down from twenty in my head as we turned the corners of downtown Channing. Fear of just how great things could get, that’s what had me in a chokehold.
As we pulled into the station’s gates, I noticed Lyric’s matte Rubicon near the entrance. She stood outside of it with her suburban girl persona on full display. Even at six in the morning, she was the definition of Black girl luxury. There was so much I’d learned about being a woman – a softer version of one – in the last decade of knowing her, and I couldn’t wait to soak up so much more. Because I was always in survival mode or on defense, I didn’t have the privilege of softness or vulnerability.
That’s what made it so hard for me all these years with Dewayne, but it was time to stand for who I truly was and wanted to be. I was ready to let my guard down and if that meantnever letting a man get close to me again to stop from getting taken advantage of, then so be it. I didn’t mind being single until I was buried if it meant protecting my softness and fragility.
When the bus came to a complete stop and the doors opened, those without bags were the first off and located their loved ones if there were any waiting. The girls and I were among the last to exit and grab our luggage from the area designated for the undercarriage.
Lyric was falling over laughing as she watched Emorey’s little legs moving so swiftly as she wheeled her luggage in the suitcase that was bigger than her. Essence struggled with the large hard-shell suitcase I’d tasked her with but was relieved by Lyric once she noticed the challenge.
“Hi.” Lyric leaned forward and greeted Emorey once we were all at the curb waiting to put the bags in the back of the Jeep.
“TT Lyric?” Emorey finally realized who’d been waiting for us.
She had been so focused on the task at hand that nothing else mattered, but as soon as she noticed Lyric, she dropped the ball. Her suitcase fell to the ground as she let the handle go and ran toward Lyric, who was kneeled and waiting to embrace her. The two loved each other dearly. They’d formed a bond that I never saw coming, but was beautiful to watch.
“Hey, Es,” she called out to Essence after she’d scooped Emorey into her arms. It would be hell getting her to let Lyric go, but I wouldn’t complain. It would be great to have a break from the little one.
