Unlike Dewayne, Lyric was predictable. She went to work, came home, loved on her family, and repeated the process, again. I knew because I’d been her friend for the last ten years and that’s how it had been since we had gotten close. We met at my cousin’s wedding over eight years ago and fell into a friendship. It was one that I never knew I needed but definitely did.
That was before I’d gotten accepted into a culinary school for my degree and moved six hours from Channing. That was before I met Dewayne and put my dreams on pause, quitting school mere months before I was set to graduate.
It was before Essence and even Emorey. It was even before I’d discovered my pregnancy with Dylan and lost him. She’d been by my side through it all, making trips to see me as often as I needed her presence. This time wasn’t any different. When I called, she was to my rescue.
Though I’d closed my eyes briefly, rest was truly impossible. My thoughts were all over the place. They all screamed at once, demanding my time and attention. There was only one that caused my eyes to pop open only fifteen minutes into our trip.
I need employment… and fast.With only about two hundred dollars to my name, I knew I was walking a fine line and would soon have nothing. I hadn’t been broke since I’d gotten my first apartment and lost my job right after. It was the year before throwing caution to the wind and moving away. That year had been tough but this year was even tougher.
I unlocked my phone using face recognition and opened the Safari browser. Google had gotten me very far in the past, and I was hoping it did me justice once more. In the search bar, I began describing my needs.
On-the-spot hiring in Channing City, I typed. Instantly hundreds of results popped up, but there was one that stood out to me a little more than the others. I clicked the title and it took me to a gorgeously designed website for a popular eatery in the city.
I’d heard great things about it, but I’d never gone myself. It was partially because I no longer lived in Channing, but also because I was always in and out when I did visit. They weren’t frequent, and they were never pleasure trips. I always came for a reason and left within forty-eight hours of my arrival. There wasn’t time to do much of anything.
Baisleigh’s House. The brunch house was hiring for a new waitress and special events coordinator. The roles were intertwined and after a quick glance at the base pay, my interest was piqued.
According to the listing, the special events coordinator was paid thirty dollars per hour for the coordination of large party brunches, birthday brunches, corporate brunches, and more. Outside of coordinating events, waitressing was the chance to make money when an event wasn’t being planned or hosted. The base pay was twelve dollars in addition to 100 percent of the tips received daily.
Coordinating was only part-time. Waitressing was daily guaranteed income. That’s exactly what I desired. I didn’t have three to five weeks to wait for a check from a nine-to-five. I needed money to be flowing through my hand from the time I walked through the door until I walked out.
Without hesitation, I clicked the link that led me to the simple application. The questions were straightforward, occupying my thoughts and helping me think of something other than my current situation for once. I scrolled, tapped fill blanks, and uploaded documents stored in my files before submitting the application for consideration.
As I shut off the light from my cell, I rested my head on the seat and reclined it approximately three inches. It was as far back as the seat would go, but for now that would be enough. Sleep wouldn’t find me. I knew that for a fact. Rest wasn’t my goal – not until the girls and I were safe and with Lyric.
The silence of the bus as the passengers settled and dozed off lulled me into a state of calm and quiet that not even my thoughts could interfere with. Though I wasn’t at peace, the moment was peaceful. The creaking of the bus as it trudged down the highway, mile after mile, remedied my soul.
Almost, I reminded myself. Almost out of the city that had caused me more pain than it had brought me progress. Almost away from the man who’d cornered me with his financial, physical, emotional, and mental abuse. Almost back where I started. Almost where I belonged and where I could thrive. Almost home.
I peered at a sleeping Emorey in the stroller in front of me. She seemed miles away. With Essence sound asleep in my lap, I strategized how I could retrieve Emorey and have the two remain comfortable in their sleep. Every solution ended with the realization that any arrangement other than the one we had would be uncomfortable for my girls, except one that wouldresult in tired arms and possibly a stiff back for me. For the tranquility they both brought me, I was willing to sacrifice it.
Leaning forward, I pulled my sleeping child from her stroller and placed her head on my shoulder. Her legs dangled near Essence’s head as her butt hung slightly over my right arm. She adjusted to her new position, still sleeping as she made herself comfortable. I rested my back on the seat, once more, sighing as I settled into the quietude that our new arrangement offered my soul.
My heart rejoiced as I laid my left arm on Essence’s back. At that very moment, my entire world was in my palms. The two humans I’d given birth to mean everything to me and it was because of them I had muscled the strength to finally hit the ground running – with nothing to my name.
I love them so much, my God.The prickling of my eyes and slowness of the ache in my chest accompanied my thoughts. Willing myself not to cry, I inhaled deeply and exhaled dramatically until I had counted down from twenty.
Everything will work itself out – even if it doesn’t look like it right now. I had nothing to worry about because as long as I had my girls at my side, I knew I could overcome any obstacle put in front of me. I owed them a good life, and I wasn’t going to stop until I gave it to them. I turned my head, watching the white stakes of the highway as we passed them by. After fixating my sight on the road, I became rooted in a comfortable restfulness where sleep wasn’t necessary or welcomed.
With tired eyesfrom staring in the darkness for hours on end, I used the edges of my hands to clear the blurriness as we approached the well-lit rest stop. According to the itinerary, itmeant that we were halfway through our trip with only three hours left to reach our destination. As the bus came to a stop and the lights throughout glowed, Essence began to come to. Rubbing her eyes, she lifted her head, bumping up against Emorey’s house shoes.
“Ouch,” she whimpered.
“Are you okay, baby?”
The force from the blow made her rub her head and made Emorey stir in her sleep. Paired with our voices in the distance and she, too, was popping her little head up to see exactly what was happening around her. Her onesie clung to her body as she slid down my arm and into my lap where Essence once was.
“Mommy, I so tired,” Emorey told me as she laid her head on my chest.
“I know, Em. Mommy is too, but the good thing is you can go to sleep again. I’ll hold you in my arms until you do.”
“Good evening, ladies and gentleman, we’re officially halfway there. This stop is for anyone needing to stretch their legs, take a cigarette break, use the restroom, freshen up, or grab something from the store. Meet me back here in thirty minutes. We’re pulling off with or without you, unfortunately,” the driver announced.
Simultaneously, my phone began buzzing in my hand. I checked the screen, noticing another blocked call trying to get through. It didn’t take a genius to know who was behind the blocked calls. Dewayne had finally gotten home and noticed we weren’t there waiting for him.
In a panic, I was certain he’d tried my cell only to discover he’d been blocked. Now he was shielding his number to try to get through to me. It wouldn’t work. Not this time. It was too late for the apology that he mustered after each fight. It was too late for the shopping spree or the trip or the new car.
For once, I was giving myself the apology I desperately needed and it had nothing to do with words. Changed behavior was the only apology I was accepting, now, from myself or anyone else. I deserved that. I owed it to the future me.
