“You really don’t understand your worth. Everything about you is valuable.” Luca takes my hand and calmly and carefully slides the ring onto my finger, leaving a kiss on it before his eyes meet mine again.
“I don’t know if this ring is really suitable for an eighteen-year-old college student!”
Luca looks at me seriously, and I wish I hadn’t said those words out loud; it’s strange to be eighteen and engaged inan arranged marriage. A clear reference to medieval times, wherewomen were promised for economic gain. Like many women before me, I’m entering a world I don’t know, something completely different from what I’ve experienced before a world with its own rules and traditions. A world where I cannot allow myself to fail; I can’t let them see my cracks; otherwise, they’ll break me. I can’t break; I can’t let it happen, for me and for him.
“No one will ever get close. They won’t be able to comment or criticize.”
I look at the beautiful ring on my finger, and then I realize that, unlike many engagement rings, this one doesn’t symbolize love. It symbolizes possession. A mark… that’s what this ring is…
Luca remains serious and unperturbed. “You don’t have to wear it, at least not here.” I look at my ring and at Luca; we’re betrothed, for good this time, and my finger bears the weight of my decision. I can’t go back, not anymore, not again.
When Luca leaves the room to talk to his soldiers, my eyes turn to that ring, big and heavy. My phone is resting on my leg, and I hear the annoying noise of the call being made.
“Hi, Princepessa!” Her voice sounds tired and alert.
“Mom, I…”
“Your father told me that you broke off the engagement. To be honest, I was waiting for you to call me…”
I don’t let her finish talking. My eyes are still glued to the ring, and I don’t know what my mother will think. “Luca was here… He’s actually here in London. He was here at the house…”
“Did he bother you? I’ll call your father. We’ll sort it out…”
“We talked; in fact, it was the longest and most sincere conversation we’ve ever had… He asked me to marry him, Mom; he brought a ring and asked if I wanted to marry him; he said he’d leave me alone if I didn’t accept…”
“Chiara…”
“I said yes, Mom…”
“You don’t have to, my love. If you don’t want to, you don’thave to. You’re the most important thing, not business!”
“I fell in love with him, I don’t know when or why… God, I don’t even know him, but when I broke off the engagement, when I said those words, my heart broke, my whole body ached…”
“Principessa I…”
“I’m in love with him, Mom, and I don’t think he’ll ever feel the same way. But letting him go knowing that he might marry someone else… I can’t.”
“Love doesn’t always make sense… Your father and I, for example, didn’t make sense either, but it was the best choice of my life.”
“Even after everything?”
“I would do it all over again without changing a single thing. He has given me the best gifts of my life. For you and your brothers, I’d go through any pain. Love is unexpected; sometimes it happens at the worst moment for people who aren’t what we imagined, but it’s up to us to make it worthwhile.”
“What if I can’t make it worthwhile?”
“You start again, as many times as you feel it’s necessary. You have a choice, Chiara, and your father and I will always fight for you to have it.”
“I heard that divorces aren’t accepted in the mafia. If it doesn’t work out. If he never loves me, I’ll be stuck…”
“We will fight a thousand battles for your happiness; if at any time you are unhappy and want to leave, we will be there for you!”
“Maybe you shouldn’t… I mean, I should fight for myself…”
“Always and forever…”
Tears gather in my eyes, and I let out a small smile, knowing that she will never give up on me. “Always and forever…”
I feel Amethyst leaning against me, and I hug her, gluing her little body to mine. I stay like this for hours, without leavingmy room. I look at the ring on my finger, and a wave of anxiety passes through my body; I wonder what my future will be like. How bleak it will be, whether I’ll be enough, whether I’ll survive.
