She looks up at me and I feel stupid. I shouldn’t have asked. Kevin used to record stuff for me all the time, but that was different. This is different. Not knowing what else to do, I turn on the charm and smile. “It’s just that I didn’t actually have time to read it—I know, that’s bad and part of why I’m here. But if you record it, I could listen to it while I’m on the treadmill tomorrow morning. You don’t have to, but?—”
“No problem. I’ll just go into one of the study rooms. It shouldn’t take too long.” She stands up, grabs what she needs, and walks over to one of the soundproof rooms they have.
God, this is torture. An hour passes and I swear the guys from the baseball team get louder with each passing minute. I have my earbuds in, but it’s impossible to concentrate. I’ve listened to the lecture twice now, but I have no notes to show for it. And I’m pretty sure when I get to the test tomorrow, all I’m going to remember is the on-base percentage of the starting lineup. If my professor was half as excited about his slides as these dudes are about their prospects next season, maybe it’d be easier to pay attention.
He’s droning on in my ear and I swear I’m in danger of falling asleep when Josie sits back down. “I emailed the audio file to you. I hope it’s helpful. How’s the note-taking going?” she asks, reaching for the paper she gave me. It’s blank, except for the words she already wrote on it, and that awful, sinking feeling is back in the pit of my stomach again.
“I listened to his lecture twice. Sometimes I need to do that. I was just going to start on the notes, but I ran out of time.” I’m babbling like an idiot, which is rare for me. I’m no genius, but I’m usually good at knowing when to talk and when to shut the hell up.
Josie looks at her watch, then at the notes sheet, then back at me. “Ok, let’s try this. Since you listened to the lecture, what was the professor’s argument?”
My brain is blank, and my face must be, too.
“What was his point?” Josie asks. “If you had to boil it all into one sentence, what would it be?”
His point…I close my eyes and think back. I can almost feel my brain cells grabbing on to the words they heard. Miraculously, I come up with an answer. “So, for the Utilitarians, you can make a decision based on how many people will be happy with it. It’s the…how did he put it? Yeah. The greater good for the greater number.”
“Exactly,” Josie says and though it’s hardly high praise and she’s avoiding eye contact, I’ll take it. She writes the words I said in a little color-coded box and then fires more questions my way. I don’t get them all right, but I’m scoring more than I’m missing. Just as she fills in the final box, the timer on her watch dings.
“Well, I guess we’re done,” she says, sliding the paper over to me. “Good luck on your test tomorrow. I’ll see you Thursday.”
I clear my throat. “Thanks for everything. I was thinking, since we're officially done for the night, I was wondering if we could?—”
Before I can finish my sentence, a woman with short gray hair and little reading glasses approaches our table. “Josie—you’re still here. Thank goodness. Brittany called off sick. Any chance you could pull holds?”
She’s nodding her reply before the lady’s done asking.
Shit. The clock’s running down, so I rush the pass. “Josie, before you go?—”
“Sorry,” she says as she walks away, “I need to help out. Goodnight.”
As she practically runs away from me, I slump down in my chair, tilting my head toward the ceiling and closing my eyes.
What the hell have I gotten myself into?
Granted, she helped me study before she bolted, but I have a lot more work to do for my other courses.
“Dude, you sleeping?”
I open my eyes to see Jake Lanza staring at me. He’s a pitcher on the baseball team. We’re not best friends or anything, but we’ve had some good times together.
“Nah, man. Just taking a break before getting back to the books.”
“Seriously? You’ve been here longer than we have,” he says, pointing to his teammates. “We’re having a low-key thing at the house tonight. Nothing crazy, just a couple kegs and some friends. Benny’s girl is a Delta Psi, so she’s bringing her sisters. It’s a guaranteed good time. You should come.”
I look around the library. It’s just after 10 p.m. on a Tuesday night and there’s hardly anybody here, not that I’d have any fucking clue how busy it usually gets.
Jake’s buddies grab their stuff and gather at my table.
“Van, my man! Where you been?” one of the guys asks. I think his name is Doug. “You comin’ over tonight?”
I’m tempted to say yes. It would be so easy to pick up my backpack and follow them out of here. I could have a couplebeers and hang out. Christ knows I could use the break. I’ve been extra fucking tense this semester.
But that’s why I shake my head. “Sorry, guys. I’ve gotta study. Maybe this weekend? After we kick Claybrooke’s ass, we should celebrate.”
Jake reaches for my hand and does that bro handshake hug. “Totally, dude.”
The guys leave and I’m basically alone. The older lady who needed Josie’s help is wheeling a noisy cart around and there’s a guy in the back corner with his head bent over a book.
