I shake my head. “Nah,”I say as we leave the barn and take the path up to the house. The smell of pot roast greets us as we let ourselves in the side door. Stepping into the mudroom, we strip down, hanging our jackets on hooks and tossing our dirty clothes into the hamper. “If I smell half as bad as you two, I’ll shower first.”
PJ heads upstairsto the bathroom we share, while Luke heads to our parents’ bathroom. I grab a towel from the hall closet and step into the small bathroom off the kitchen. I crank the water hot, eager to beat my brothers to the punch. No doubt PJ’s making out with Katie, and Luke’s probably scrolling through social media. Just means more hot water for me.
Carefully,I set the letter on the shelf above the sink and step under the hot spray. I lather up and wash the day off my body. I sat through hours of class today, but unlike most of my classmates, I actually love it. I’d rather park my ass in a classroom than just about anything else.
Learning is what I love.I’d be a professional student, if I could. And if that skinny envelope says what I hope it says, then being a professional student will soon be my job.
That letter holds my fate.It’s going to help me reach my dreams or break my heart.
Sure,there are other colleges, but Bainbridge is my dream school. It’s always been my plan. Six years at Bainbridge to get my undergrad degree in psychology and complete my masters too. Then it’s off to get my doctorate in Philly or D.C.
I’ve gotit all planned out. If I stay on track and work my ass off, I’ll have my doctorate in psychology before I turn thirty, with little debt to my name and a teaching position at one of the country’s top universities.
Bainbridge is perfect.It’s four and a half hours away, which is the ideal distance. Close enough for visits, but not close enough for surprise visits. It’s on the water, which sounds awesome. Ok, it’s not sunny Florida, but there’s lots to do. The undergrad psychology program is nationally ranked. And they offer two full scholarships every year.
Two.
The chancesthat one of those scholarships has my name on it is slim.
Realistic me knowsthat regardless of what that envelope says, I’ll still go to college.
Dramatic me knowsthat if that envelope doesn’t contain the magic wordsCongratulations, Ian McBride, then I’ll be paying back my school loans well into my retirement years.
I’mseventeen and a senior in high school. And though the fields outside are beautiful, I’m ready for a different landscape. I need to be away from this small town. I need to be in a place where a guy wearing eyeliner isn’t up for debate or front page news or gossip fodder. I need to be somewhere I fit in. Or at least somewhere I don’t stick out.
The water startsto run cold, so I turn the handle, step out of the shower, and dry off. I take the steps two at a time. Luke’s walking around naked bitching that someone stole his favorite hairbrush. Unfortunately, his whining isn’t loud enough to drown out the sex sounds coming from the bathroom across the hall. I’m pretty sure PJ’s showering. I’m just not so sure he’s getting clean.
I thinkof the envelope that’s still downstairs. No matter what it says, I have to go to college. Living with my brothers has totally prepared me for dorm life.
* * *
“PJ,honey, will you pass the mashed potatoes?” my mom asks, and my brother hands them over. Dad asks Katie how she likes her new job at the bank. Luke makes everyone laugh when he tells a funny story about something that happened in his bio class today.
I laughalong with my family, but I have no idea what he said.
My whole familyis sitting around the dinner table, acting like it’s a normal Thursday night when it is clearly NOT a normal Thursday night. My leg is tapping involuntarily under the table. My jaw is clenched. And I’m pretty sure if I grip my fork any harder, I’m going to bend it and earn my mother’s wrath.
“Oh for thelove of Christ, Ian,” my dad’s voice booms, “open that damn letter before you crack a tooth.”
“I—”
“Fine,”Luke shrugs, hopping up from the table. “If you won’t open it, we’ll do it for you. Dad, is your knife clean?”
I practically jumpout of my seat to block the doorway.
“Boys,”my mother scolds. She’s always lumped dad in with us, which is fitting. He’s just a giant kid and she basically has four children, God bless her. “Sit.”
They obey,and I breathe a sigh of relief, until she continues. “Ian, please go get that letter. I can’t take any more suspense.”
I can’t sayno to my mother, so I duck into the downstairs bathroom and pluck it from the shelf where I left it an hour ago. I head back to the dining room and take my seat. My hands are trembling as I loosen the seal and slide the letter out.Shit. It’s just one piece of paper. That’s a really bad sign, right? Unfolding it, I lay it on the table in front of me. I can feel five pairs of eyes on me as I read the words.
Dear Ian McBride,
Congratulations!It is our honor to welcome you to the Bainbridge family as a recipient of the Downey Scholarship…
I lookup at my family and as their faces blur in front of me, I realize I’m crying. “I’m in. Holy shit. I got in.”
“You didn’t just getin, Ian. You won the freaking scholarship!” Luke looks even happier than I do, and I like to think that’s because he loves me and not just because my moving out means a room upgrade for him.
