Prologue
Ian
Seven yearsbefore our story starts,
fall of senior year in high school
The sun is settingand it’s cold as hell out here. Western PA isn’t known for its balmy weather, but this November is proving particularly harsh. And the barn is drafty.
“Christ, aren’t you done yet?”my younger brother, Luke, asks. He’s only fifteen, but he’s already taller than I am. In a lot of ways, I’m the odd one out. PJ and Luke are both on the tall side at six feet and change. And they’ve got our dad’s muscular frame and mom’s dark hair. I’m on the short side of average, the skinny side of lean, and my hair is on the strawberry side of blond. But that’s not what really sets me apart from the rest of the McBride clan. They’re all farmers. They love the land and all it provides for us. They live and breathe the work we do on our dairy farm.
And me?Don’t tell Blanche and Dorothy, our prize Jersey cows, but I’m counting down the days until I can move out.
It’s notthat I don’t love my family. Honestly, I adore them. And the farm is great—it’s beautiful and it’s always been my home. But something else—something bigger—is waiting for me. I can feel it.
That’swhy it makes no sense that while the sun is setting and the temperature is dropping, I’m finding reasons to stay out in the cold barn instead of washing up and sitting down to dinner with my family.
“Ian,come on! What the hell is taking you so long?” PJ, my older brother, walks up next to me, pulling on his gloves.
“Be there in a sec,”I tell him. I won’t, though. I’m pacing in the small space and wearing a path in the dirt beneath my feet.
“Seriously?Katie’s already home and I want to go see her. She had a long day and I promised her a backrub before dinner.”
I arch my brow. “A backrub?”PJ and his fiancée, Katie, are expecting a baby in the spring. They got engaged over a year ago, right after they graduated high school, but plans hit the fast track when the stick turned blue a couple months ago. Our folks are thrilled and PJ’s over the moon. Eventually, they’ll build a house on my parents’ property, but for now, they occupy the bedroom next to mine, and let me just say…PJ gives Katie a lot of backrubs. Loud backrubs.
“Dude!”Luke hollers, entering the barn. “What the hell is taking so long? I’m freezing my damn tits off out here!”
“You guys go ahead,”I tell them. “I’m just gonna clean the—”
“Already done, Ian,”PJ interrupts. “And since when are you looking for reasons to stay in the barn?”
“Just being thorough,”I lie.
“Something bugging you?”PJ asks, his voice serious. “Are those assholes bothering you again? Because all it would take is—”
“No,”I stop him, more than a little mortified. My family has been defending me from bullies for most of my life, so I know the exact group PJ is referring to. They’re small-minded idiots who go to school with me. When we were little, I got teased for being different, nerdy. Then I got teased for my glasses. Then my complete inability in any athletic endeavor became the target. Once middle school hit, and I came out as gay in eighth grade, their bullying was relentless.I’ve endured a fair amount of torture from their taunts since kindergarten, but they’re not the issue today. “No, they’re fine. Well, they’re dicks. But they aren’t causing trouble.”
“Ok,if it’s not the bigot brigade, then why don’t you want to go inside?”
“No reason. I just—”
“Bullshit!”Luke hoots, pulling something from his back pocket. “Bet it’s this,” he says, waving an envelope through the air.
“You dick!”I yell, chasing after him, but his stupid legs are stupid long, and he has natural athleticism on his side. He easily evades me then climbs on top of the trough, holding the envelope just out of reach.
“Get the hell off there,”PJ scolds, “before you break your neck or something valuable, like the feed trough.”
Luke hops down justto give chase again. I’m not especially quick, but I’m crafty. As the middle brother, I have to be. I let him run himself ragged then I jut my foot out just a little. He runs by me, but trips on the toe of my sneaker. His lanky body flies through the air and I manage to snag the envelope just before he hits the dirt.
“Cocksucker,”he mumbles.
“That is my favorite pastime,”I shrug, and he rolls his eyes.
“Isthat what I think it is?” PJ asks, nodding toward the envelope in my hands.
“Yeah.” Turning the slim envelope in my hand, I examine it. The manila paper is a little weighty, and Bainbridge University’s maroon crest is on the seal. It’s just a normal size, like a letter or a bill. That’s bad, I think. If it’s good news, it’d be a big envelope. That’s the way it always is on T.V.
“Jesus,Ian. You’re killing me. Open it already,” Luke begs, still sitting on the ground.
