I don’t need to say her name. I can’t, but all the anger I’m pouring out is directed at the one person who doesn’t deserve it.
“Who else?” Whit goads.
“No,” I say.
“Yes, give it up. Tell me.”
“Fuck you.”
“Say it. Get it out.”
“I can’t,” I pant. “That’s not fair.”
“Screw fair,” Whit scoffs. “Is any part of this situation fair? Tell me who else you’re pissed at.”
“Willa,” her name is a broken cry on my lips. “How could she think I would do that? How could she believe that about me?” I’m raging now, crying and sobbing and slumped against the now-ruined wall.
“I shouldn’t have,” the soft, tender voice is not what I’m expecting. I turn to see Willa. The guys are walking upstairs, leaving just the two of us down here.
“Jesus, no. I shouldn’t have said that. I—” babbling and backpedaling, I wrestle with the gloves. Mercifully, she helps untie one and then the other.
She’s sitting on the floor next to me now. I want to reach out and hold her, but my mind is still a mess.
“It’s ok, Knox. It’s okay to be mad at me.”
“No, it’s not. You had my kid, alone. You’ve been raising her by yourself. I’ve been partying my ass off for a year and a half while you gave up your plan so you could be a mother to our child. I don’t get to be mad at you. You did nothing wrong. I don’t blame you—I really don’t. I just wish I wasn’t such a fuck up, you know? So you could trust me. So you would have known I’d have never reacted that way. Not in a million years.”
“I should have trusted you. Even as I read those texts, I couldn’t help thinking it didn’t sound like the Knox I knew.” Willa takes my inked-up hand in her small, delicate one, and that touch is all I need. It’s like an anchor, a balm that tells my battered soul that maybe things aren’t as bleak as they seem.
“Reading those texts tonight? Jesus. They’re hateful. It’s a wonder you didn’t run screaming when you first saw me.”
A hint of a smile crosses her lips. “I kind of did.”
“You had every right. I can’t believe she did that. I mean, I can. She’s...cruel and manipulative. But God, this is low, even for her.”
“It’s awful. I can’t believe your mom said those things. Well, according to Ty and Booker, that’s sort of on-brand for her, but it’s hard to believe. Part of me is so angry, but all of me is so relieved.” Her voice is so soft. “I know what we had was crazy and fast. And we were young and reckless, but—”
I want to correct her, but I let her keep talking.
“So much happened in such a short span of time, you know? My dad was gone when I got home from graduation. Gone. He left a note and enough gas money to get me to D.C. And your mom was set on messing up your life. God, the cards were really stacked against us, huh?”
“Yea, but fate or God or angels or some shit must’ve been on our side, because you ended up here, though I can’t believe you came within fifty miles of Bainbridge, knowing I was here.”
She shakes her head. “I had no clue. You never said the name of your school, and I figured it was Rockvale, like the hoodie you were always wearing.”
For the first time in hours, I laugh. “Rockvale? Hell, no. That’s not even a college. It’s the Christian high school where Booker went. He must’ve left that sweatshirt in my car at some point, so I claimed it.
Willa leans in close to me, and I don’t miss the significance of this moment. It’s the first time in over a year and a half that she’s initiated affection, that she’s shown any interest in being close to me. The fact that she wants my warmth, my comfort? It starts to heal all the shattered little pieces of my soul.
“It’s crazy to think how close we came to never seeing each other again. You would have never known about Rose if—”
I stop her with a shake of my head, unable to hear the words. “I stopped loving my mom a long time ago, but now? I hate her. I hate her for this. For what she did to you and Rose. And me. There’s no coming back from this, I promise you. But I need to move forward.” I look at her, and the soft look of love on her face gives me hope. “I need you to let me in, Willa. To let me be a parent to Rose. God knows I want so much more, but let me start there, at least?”
Leaning her head on my chest, she curls further into me and nods. “Rose is asleep in the nursery. I don’t have the right to ask, but it’s been a really long day. Can you hold me? Just for a little while?”
I close my eyes for a moment, letting myself breathe in her soft scent and holding her tight. “I’ve been waiting for what feels like forever to hold you. So yea, I can do that.”
* * *
