“Thank Christ. Did he get pissed? Sometimes angry’s hot, you know. Except when it’s not.”
“No anger.”
“What the hell? Was he even awake?” Molly asks.
Crickets. Well, crickets and music.
“Holy mother of a son of a bitch. You left while the kid was asleep?”
“Please don’t call him ‘the kid.’ I’m having age issues as it is.”
“It’s what? Like 10 or 12 years? No big deal. What is a big deal is that you LEFT WHILE HE WAS STILL SLEEPING! What the freaking hell, Elaine? Not cool.”
“It was early, okay? Like 7:30 early. And I was having second thoughts. And I just needed to get out of there, and it didn’t seem right to wake him from a peaceful sleep. We had been up half the night, after all. So...I left. You’re taking this a little personally, no?”
“It’s not cool to just leave. And I get that you wanted to avoid the awkward, but suck it up, Buttercup. You created the awkward by LEAVING WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE. Not okay.”
“Bitter, table of one...Bitter…” My best loudspeaker impression falls flat. She’s right. I know she’s right.
“Correction: Table of two—me and Wonderboy.” She smirks.
“Remind me why I invited you on this trip?”
“Apparently, it was just the last in a chain of questionable choices you’ve made in the last six hours. “
“Apparently. Listen, I get that what I did was shitty—especially the text.”
“Text? Lordy Lord, it just gets worse. You’re like the personification of every bad morning after cliche.”
“Yes, text. I’ll show you. But, really, we’re obviously not destined to be a couple, so it’s best to just end things now, so we can both move on.”
“How very mature and heartless of you. Have you been spending time with your bitch-in-law, Victoria?”
“Haha. Seriously, I didn’t expect such resistance from you. You’re the self-proclaimed queen of love ‘em and leave ‘em.”
“I enjoy the temporary company of menfolk, it’s true. But here’s the difference between me and my sexcapades and you and Simon Walker: my fellas and I both know it’s a one-time deal going in. Simon’s been sweet on you for months now. You can’t toy with the guy’s heart, Elaine. That’s just cruel.”
“You talk as though he’s in love with me.” I scoff as I take the exit for Newburg.
“Yea. Cause he is.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
“Doesn’t make it any less true.”
“Molly, that’s crazy talk! I’m way too old for him.”
“Old schmold. If you’re good together, you’re good together, regardless of age. Except in the case of creepers, of course.”
“Do cougars count as creepers?”
“You are not a cougar.”
I take a left at the light. We’re only a few minutes away now. “I can’t talk about my questionable cougar status or Simon or anything until I eat some food, drink some wine, and unclog my pores.”
“Agreed. Temporary moratorium on our Wonderboy discussion commences now. So, how’s your mom?”
“Sweet Jesus,” I laugh. “Can’t we talk about something easy, like politics or religion?”
