“I can’t . . . I don’t—”He shakes his head as if to clear the thoughts he can’t put to words.
My heart sinks, deep into my belly, and douses away the desire there only moments ago. He doesn’t want to sleep with me. He doesn’t feel the same. “It’s okay. I’m sorry.” I try to step back.
He grabs me and presses our bodies back together. “No. No, don’t apologize. I want you. Fuck, I want you so badly. But I don’t know how to do this. I can’t give you promises. I don’t know how to be in a relationship. Hell, I have no business starting something when I don’t even know who I am. And you deserve that. A man who can make the commitment.”
This is what’s holding him back? He’s worried about my feelings. He’s such a good man. I’ve always thought I’d want to share my first time with someone who might be my forever, but at nineteen I have no clue who that’ll be. I don’t want to wait anymore. Being with someone who makes me feel safe, treasured, and desired? It’s enough. Maybe it’s wrong. Maybe I should worry about all the ways we won’t work out, but right now all I want is to be vulnerable with this gorgeous, talented, kind man. I trust Leighton to make this good. Special.
“I don’t need commitment. I need you. I want this with you.”
“Things could get complicated. For us. The band.”
“Leighton. Please.” At my words something snaps in his control and he no longer shakes his head no. His mouth covers mine, claiming me with a kiss that lights my entire body on fire.
We’re doing this. We can sort the rest out later. I’m not taking no for an answer. Not with the passion that pulses through my veins at the touch of his lips.
“You’re sure? We can stop. I want this to be good for you.”
“It will be. I trust you. You’ll make it good,” I say between kisses.
“Fuck.” He groans and his lips move down the side of my throat until they caress my shoulder. “I will. It’s gonna be so good.”
“I want this.”
“Promise you’ll tell me. If it gets to be too much. If you want to stop.”
I nod because he’s stopped lavishing my skin with kisses. He’s waiting for my response. I love that about him, and it only confirms he’s the right guy. “I will. I’ll tell you.”
“Okay.” His lips turn up with the trace of a smile. Sweet.
It’s gone the moment I reach for my shirt. Emboldened by the desire in his gaze, I pull it over my head and drop it to the floor.
“Jesus,” he whispers reverently, his gaze glued to my chest. “You are so beautiful.”
I bite my lip, a nervous habit, because I’m not sure how to respond. I was never the beautiful girl, the one to draw eyes in a crowded room, but with Leighton I’m that and more. “Your turn.” I tug at the hem of his tee.
He reaches back and has it off in one swift movement.
“Wow. That’s impressive.” I giggle, more because the nerves and excitement bubble up from my belly.
He nods, and the smile on his lips could almost be construed as shy. “Where do you want to—? I mean, not in the bedroom. Right?”
“Here?” I glance down at the carpet. It’s clean, thanks to the crew who comes in on occasion, but it doesn’t look very comfortable. “Where’s shag carpeting when you need it?”
He pulls me flush with his body and claims my lips for a soft kiss. “Give me a minute. Okay?”
“Okay.” I nod and step back as he practically races to his bunk.
He pulls out his blanket, sheet, and pillow, and then goes to the storage cabinet for more. It’s highly entertaining watching him construct a bed on the floor, mostly because of the enthusiasm he demonstrates.
“Come sit.” He lowers himself to the pallet he made, leans back and pats the space next to him. His lips lift into a smirk as if he’s proud of his ingenuity, and he should be. He should also be proud of the trim waist and broad shoulders that practically beg for my touch.
I pad over, my bare feet scuffling softly across the floor, and drop to my knees before crawling over him. My jeans press against my center as I straddle his waist. He flicks the clasp of my bra and peels the pale pink lace down my arms before his hands are back to cup my breasts. We kiss, and all the anticipation for this moment builds and bursts.
Gentle touches. Wet firm kisses. Hurried breaths. Our hands explore. My center rubs against his hardness as I rock my hips, and I feel as though I might die if we don’t do this soon.
“I’m ready,” I say between kisses. Leighton nods.
“Condom,” he says. “Be right back.” Rolling me to my back, he kisses me once more before dashing down the hall.
