Ipushed him away. I had to do it to avoid becoming someone I promised myself I wouldn’t. Because I need to be stronger than she was. And I am. I pushed. And yet ...
I can’t believe he left.
I always knew he would, but it stings more than it should.
No one ever stays when the shit hits the fan. It’s better this way, before things got too complicated. Before our lives were endlessly intertwined. I made the right choice. But fuck ...
Why does it hurt so badly? I can hardly catch my breath.
The boys are gone and won’t be back anytime soon. The minute Trent walked off the bus I grabbed my guitar and notebook, barely able to stumble back to my bedroom and lock the door without losing myself in a fit of tears. Only then did I let myself cry. I had my pity party for one, and when I couldn’t find peace in that, I turned off the light and tried to find sleep. But snuggling into the bedding only increased my thoughts of Trent. How only hours ago his body, strong and capable, made me feel every inch of arousal, with every touch of his hands on my skin, every kiss, and that glorious tongue. He marked me, owned me, and I’ll probably never be able to sleep in this bed without remembering.
The seconds turn to minutes, and minutes to hours. Without a glance at my phone I know it’s almost time to roll out of this city and head to our next stop. The bus engines roar to life. The rumble is soothing, familiar, and the exhaustion of the day presses down. My eyelids flutter shut and I’m close to giving in to sleep when I hear the guys board the bus. Their drunken banter, faint enough I can’t make out the words, heightens my awareness. As much as I don’t want to, I strain to listen forhisvoice.
I shouldn’t have. His singing is loud enough to greet me. “In the jungle, the mighty jungle... Fuck! Pick up your shoes, jackass. I ’most killed myself.”
There’s a scuffle and more words I can’t make out. I consider stuffing a pillow over my ears but instead sit up so I can eavesdrop better.
Bang, bang, bang!The beating at my door startles me, and my pulse races at an unhealthy pace. The knocking continues even louder.
“I know you’re in there. Mmm sorry, Lex. Sexy Lexi with the fucking sexy legs. Please open the door.”
I don’t, though. I don’t answer in hopes he’ll stumble back to his bed and sleep it off. I wonder how much he drank. If he hooked up with any girls.Damn it, Lexi. Of course he did. He’s Trent Donavan.
“Open the fucking door!” he shouts. The bus thrusts forward, and there’s another thud against the door. It may have been his body.
“Go to bed, Donavan! She’s not opening the door.”Sean. He’s always looking out for me.
“I can’t! I need to talk to her! Lexi! Lexi please. Please, please, please, baby. Open this goddamn door. I’ll shout all night until you do.”
“Someone shut him up!”Austin.
“Lexi, come out and talk to me, baby.”
When he calls me baby my anger from before resurfaces like a tidal wave.Baby. I’m not his baby. I have a name, and I refuse to be grouped along with all his otherbabies. Shoving off the covers, I pad to the locked door and bang my fist at the thin panel. “What? You want me to come out? What then, Trent?”
“We can work this out,” he says, sounding so pained and so close it’s as if he’s leaning against the door.
My body battles with my mind, hand already on the knob, but I can’t give in. “We can’t work this out. I don’t want to be with you.” I whisper it so low I’m not sure he’ll hear.
“You do! I fucking know you do!” he screams and the doorknob rattles. He swears and hits the door again. “Like all the other women tonight. Everyone wants something from me. You want me.”
I draw my hand back. His words burn. “You’re an ass!”
“Open the door, Lexi.”
“No. No! You don’t get to come here and demand shit from me. And I refuse to come out and smell the stench of some skank all over you!”
“I don’t smell like anyone else, Lexi. I swear I didn’t fuck anyone tonight.” His words slur with his begging, but they don’t make me come closer.
“How can I believe you?”
“You just can. Fuck.”
But I can’t.I can’t believe and I can’t trust. Maybe that’s not his fault. Maybe it’s just me and how broken I am. Either way, I step back and climb into bed, and drag the covers around my body like a shield.
When I don’t respond he laughs, an intoxicated overzealous sound. “Open the door and inspect my dick. I didn’t fuck anyone, Lex.” He laughs again, almost a giggle as if he’s high. “How could I when Mr. Trent only wants you. I only ... Please let me in. Let your jungle lion come back to his queen.”
“Go to bed, Trent.” I grab my phone, click the do not disturb, and affix my headphones to play my go-to list. I can no longer hear him. I wonder from the occasional rumble of the bus if he’s given up on banging at the door.
