Natalya didn’t move for a moment, surprised by the act. Then she let Evie’s weight pull them both down until she was partially lying on top of Evie, kissing her softly.
God, it was wonderful to kiss her. After months of feeling nothing, Natalya made her feel so alive.
“I didn’t say red, did I? You know I can if I need to. I’m fine.”
Natalya’s brows snapped together. “You’rewhat?”
“I’m…” Evie paused. Fine was such a simple term. Quick to say. An easy way to avoid questions. It was a dismissal of concern and of offers to help.
Finemeant there was no reason to worry. But Natalya insisted on worrying.
“I want more than that word. Tell me.” Natalya ran a finger over Evie’s lips as though the touch could coax out the strange emotions welling up in her and which Evie barely understood herself.
“It was amazing.” Her cheeks went hot, and she turned her head to the side. “You’re the best sex I’ve ever had. Is that what you want to hear?”
Natalya let out a soft laugh. “Only if you mean it.” She kissed Evie’s temple and jaw. Her lips, and then the rest of her. Brief touches that trailed everywhere on her face and chest. It let Evie catch her breath. It made her feel calm.
As Natalya continued to kiss her, Evie looked at her body. Gorgeous, radiant, and perfect. There were probably countless people in the world who’d give anything to possess Natalya. To have her touch them like she was willingly touching Evie.
The thought made her look away, suddenly self-conscious. She wasn’t worthy of something as rare as that. She was no one. She didn’t deserve to be this lucky.
Natalya stopped moving. “What was that thought?”
Evie wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s nothing.”
“It isn't nothing.”
Evie’s mouth went taut. She didn’t want to sour this moment, not when it was so perfect. Now her stupid brain was ruining everything. And Natalya’s harsh, violet eyes were drilling into her skull, as though her staring at Evie with enough steeliness could make her explain what she didn’t understand herself.
She didn’t know what Natalya saw, but her eyes softened. Rather than look angry, she just looked serious.
She trailed gentle fingers over Evie’s. She’d been digging her nails into her arms. Natalya’s touch made her relax.
“Do you know you’re beautiful, Evie?”
Evie scoffed, still not looking directly at her. “No, I’m not. Maybe I was once. Before. Then everything happened, and now I’m—”
She looked down at herself, regretting it immediately. She tried not to do that anymore. She always made sure to not look in the mirror after she showered, and she wore long-sleeved shirts to cover her arms. The only exception was at work, and that was only because she had to keep her skin free. She covered her scars with makeup before each class instead. A time-consuming act.
She had so many scars she couldn’t count them all. Her neck, wrists, and thighs were the most heavily dotted with marks, but her breasts and upper arms had them too. Some were jagged and had come from nails and teeth. Others were straight from Stefano’s knives and whips.
Natalya pulled Evie’s arms away so she wasn’t covering herself anymore. She put her hand over Evie’s tattoo, and Evie winced. That horrid mark was the worst of all. A neat list of her value. A symbol that she was property.
EVELYNA.-O-NEGSERAPHIC-LANGUAGES:ENGLISH-SPECIALSKILLS:DANCING
She knew every word without having to even think about it. Every line a signifier of her worth. A brand she couldn’t escape.
“You are stunning.” Natalya’s hand was still on the tattoo, covering it.Touchingit. “You are beautiful. And strong. Brave. Do you believe me when I say that?”
Evie’s bottom lip quivered, and she bit it to make it stop. She didn’t doubt Natalya believed those things. Evie just thought she was wrong.
“I want you to say the words,” Natalya said.
“I don’t want to.” This was embarrassing. She was reacting to this like a child.
“I know you don’t. You’re going to do it anyway.” Natalya’s voice had a hint of steel in it. She had eternity to wait, and she’d probably happily spend it looking silently at Evie until she said the damn words.
“I’m beautiful, strong, and brave.” She said it quickly and without feeling. Natalya’s expression didn’t change.
