Evie only stopped pacing because she got too tired to keep going.
She hadn’t wanted to return to the apartment and had convinced Diana to let her take a walk. She was glad it was Diana and not Flea guarding her that day. Flea would have asked questions when she started cursing and kicking pieces of trash into the street. Diana knew how to mind her own business.
It was the darkness that had forced her inside again. She still wasn’t comfortable with the night, especially not when she was made to walk it. She only went back to Natalya’s apartment because there was nowhere else for her to go.
She was angry. And she was sad, which made her even angrier. Rather than break things, which she felt like doing, she paced, punched pillows, and screamed out her frustrations.
Damn Natalya for putting Evie in this situation. For saving her, for protecting her. Damn her for making Evie worry that what had just happened in the Second Circle had widened the strange rift that had appeared between them.
Damn Natalya for making Evie care.
Evie damned herself most of all. Everything was so much easier when she didn’t feel anything. But Natalya had taken herindifference and replaced it with a worry so strong it made her want to throw up.
What if Natalya didn’t come back? What if she didn’t want to see Evie again? That thought was almost too painful to bear.
Eventually, she got too tired to stay standing and sat on the couch. When she started nodding off, she reluctantly began getting ready for bed. She took a shower, brushed her teeth, changed into her night clothes. Between each step, she glanced at the apartment door, willing it to open and for Natalya to enter. It didn’t happen.
Sleep came slow, and it didn’t last. She kept stirring, thinking she heard someone move around the apartment. Every time she woke, she listened for footsteps, and for once, it wasn’t fear that caused her to be on high alert. It was hope that Natalya had come back.
Then she started awake from a knock on the bedroom door. The sound was brief and light, as if whoever made it didn’t actually want to be heard.
Evie rolled out of bed, nearly falling from the bedsheet tangling around her legs, and yanked open the door.
Natalya stood outside, as regal and radiant as ever. Her violet eyes let off a faint shine, and she looked serious. Like she was delivering grave news.
Evie’s stomach started to tie into nervous knots, but then Natalya smiled. A pure smile that briefly reached her eyes.
“I’m sorry for waking you.” Natalya paused a moment. “Evie, I—”
Evie didn’t let her finish. She crossed the threshold to the bedroom, still lined with salt, and threw her arms around Natalya. Why, she wasn’t sure. Relief was definitely a reason, relief that Natalya had come back, but there was something else she wasn’t emotionally adept enough to understand. Something deeper than relief.
Natalya didn’t move as Evie hugged her. Where Evie was touching her skin, she felt nothing except warmth. She quickly stepped back.
“Sorry, I… I don’t know why I did that.” She realized the potential interpretation of what she’d said the moment the words left her lips.
“You didn’t make me do it! I mean, it was you that made me want to, but it wasn’t like that. I just…” She crossed her arms as though that would somehow remove the embarrassment she felt at blabbering like this. “You were holding back. Just now, I mean.”
“I was.” Natalya’s smile was gone. “I need to talk to you, and I didn’t want to influence you. Not more than I already am just by being here.”
“You’re not,” Evie said, then she lowered her eyes. “At least, not because ofthat.”
Natalya’s brows furrowed. “Because of what, then?”
Evie kicked the floor. This was getting more awfully awkward by the minute.
“I like being around you. You know… as a… friend. I guess.”
Natalya let out a soft chuckle. “Right. As a friend.”
Evie couldn’t recall a friendship where she’d done anything with them like she’d done with Natalya. By how Natalya reacted, Evie guessed she was thinking a similar thing.
“I need to know how you stopped me before,” Natalya said after a moment.
Evie shrugged. “I just… did. It was difficult. I didn’t want to. But you said I should, so…”
“And the fear? How did you not get scared?”
“I did get scared. But I realized it was you doing it, and I pushed against it. That kept it from settling.”
