“You never wear purple.”
“You don’t have to wear a color for it to be your favorite.” Her eyes trailed to Natalya’s, lingering there a moment. “I just like looking at it.”
Natalya smiled at that.
“What’s yours?” Evie asked.
“I’ve never had one.” Natalya ran a finger over Evie’s lip, looking deep into her eyes. “But after I met you, I’m drawn towards green.”
Her finger rested on Evie’s face for a moment, then she withdrew.
“Why are you with me?”
“I trust you,” Evie said, her cheeks growing warm. “I feel safe with you. And I… Icareabout you.”
She couldn’t say the other word. Not when she knew it wouldn’t be returned. But she could say something near it, and maybe it would be enough. It would have to be.
Natalya nodded. As if she wasn’t surprised. Just a little sad, maybe.
“I feel the same. I trust you. And I feel safe with you.” She ran her fingers through Evie’s hair. Soothing herself. “I care about you too. I care about you more than is wise.”
“What does that mean?”
Natalya didn’t look at Evie’s eyes as she spoke. “It means I don’t want to be without you. I want you here, with me. Always. And I can’t ask that of you.”
Evie’s heart started beating faster. She did her best to ignore the hope the words made stir.
“You can.”
“I shouldn’t.” Natalya drew back her hand. Even though they were still lying against one another, it was like she’d withdrawn altogether. “I cannot give you a normal life. It wouldn’t be fair to pull you into this world.”
“I’m already in it. And you’re not pulling me. I’m going on my own. You just have to let me in.”
“What if you don’t like what you find?”
“Try me.” Hating how distant Natalya suddenly felt, Evie took her hand and squeezed it. The tingling from her skin ebbed and flowed like a rapid heartbeat. “Please.”
Natalya was quiet. Several long moments of silence where her beautiful features were wrought with pain. It was subtle. Evie doubted anyone but she would have noticed.
Then Natalya sat up, pulling Evie with her so she was leaning back against Natalya. Turned away from her so Evie couldn’t see her face.
“I’ve not had a good life, Evie. Not ever. I wasn’t meant to. I like to believe my time before this world was better, but I no longer remember it. Until the Court of Chains, all my memories were of pain, death, and desire. Until you, I didn’t expect to be capable of anything else.”
Natalya ran her fingers through Evie’s hair. She was quiet as she did so, looking for the right words. Evie let her find them.
“My entry into this world was with a woman named Olena Zakharova,” she continued. “She loved me, but only as a thing to possess. Only as a trophy. My connection with her allowedmy name to be stolen and recorded. It led me to the man who enslaved me.”
Natalya tensed, and Evie reached her hand back over her shoulder. After a moment, Natalya took it.
“Did he hurt you?” Evie asked.
“He did. When I didn’t do as ordered. When I didn’t satisfy. When he felt like it. All he had to do was will it, and he could bring me pain.”
Evie’s hand gripped Natalya’s tighter. She couldn’t bear thinking about her hurting in any way.
“You killed him. I remember you telling me that.”
“He hurt me for many years. He let others hurt me. I killed him and all the others he let use me. Anyone who tried to possess me.” Natalya’s voice got quiet. “I killed a lot of people. I didn’t have control when I got my freedom. I needed to learn. I learned violently. I wasn’t made to be gentle.”
