I know my brother asked Koa and the guys to look after me. He did it when we started high school and again when we left for Newhouse. While I appreciate Nash's need to make sure I'm taken care of, it's left me very confused.
For a short period of time I thought Koa’s protectiveness was because he cared about me. The truth is, he was there because Nash couldn’t be. It was never about me but his friendship with Nash.
“Koa doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would lead you on. He’s pretty straight forward. If he gave you the impression he was interested, I think you can trust that,” she says.
I want to believe she’s right. Even if she is, it’s over now. The feelings he had for me are long gone. I need to get with the program and get over him too.
Resting her chin on her hand, Lauren purses her lips and narrows her eyes in my direction. I can tell she has put on her little detective hat.
“What? Go ahead and say whatever it is you’re thinking.” I take a sip of my water.
“I’m trying to understand what happened between the two of you that got you to this entry level friendship. I’m guessing you weren’t always like this?”
I check the time on my phone. We still have twenty minutes before the guys get home.
“No we weren’t.” From the first day I met Lauren, I knew we would be close friends. She has always been there to listento whatever was on my mind or my heart. There isn’t much she doesn’t know about me.
Except my history with Koa. We both kept our share of secrets despite our sisterly relationship. Some things are too painful to share. It wasn’t until last semester that I found out about Lauren’s past and who she really is.
I guess it’s my turn to open up and do the same. Part of me has always thought if I never spoke about what happened between me and Koa then it would remain preserved in the back of my mind however I wanted to see it.
Sharing my past relationship with Koa brings everything to the surface again. It’s not just the bad memories I try to forget. It’s the good ones too. They’re the ones that hurt the most.
“Koa moved into our neighborhood when we were twelve. I remember it was the summer before seventh grade. I saw him and immediately got a little crush, but he wasn’t interested in more. He said he wanted to be friends.” I shrug.
Lauren sighs and offers a sympathetic smile. “If you took Nash out of the equation, would that change anything?”
I’ve thought about this before. “Honestly I don’t know. Nash isn't the only problem. Koa hurt me in high school. It wasn’t Nash who messed up our relationship. It was him.” I inhale a deep breath and let it out slowly. “He was the one who didn't pick me.”
“Is that what you want?”
“I want to move on,” I say as convincingly as I can. I want to stop hurting. I want to be happy. I want to haveanother man touch me and not compare it to the wayhishands felt on my skin.
“I have a good feeling about Joe.” Lauren grins. “Ever since you’ve started talking to him in your forums you’ve been happier. A little lighter on your feet.”
“I don’t know if it’s him yet. Whoever this mystery man is, I do like talking to him. It would be nice to know if I’m picturing the right face behind the screen.”
“And if it’s not him?”
“I’ll get my best friend who loves hunting down a good story to help me figure out who I’m really spending all my free time talking to.” I bat my eyelashes at Lauren dramatically.
“Whatever you need. You don’t even have to ask. I’m in.” Lauren stands and walks over to the kitchen drawer by the sink. “We should make a list of questions you can ask online Joe.” She holds up a small notebook and pen.
“Where do I even begin?”
“I guess being straight forward and hitting him with the name, birthday, location is too much?”
“I could but I don’t want to run him off. What if he’s shy? If I come at him hard, he could log off and be done with me.”
“You haven’t talked about anything personal yet?”
I shake my head. “Not really. We’ve talked about a few personal things but nothing that would make me think he’s Joe Clark. We’ve mainly talked about books, music, movie adaptations—” I stop talking when I notice Lauren’s smirk.
“He soundsperfect.”
“He does. It’s concerning,” I admit. “Do you think it’s Joe trying to impress me? Saying all the right things to get me to like him?”
“Could be. It is quite the coincidence that he pops up online the same day you tell him about the forum. But also it could be some random guy or girl in another part of the world.”
