NotYourAverageJoe19
No boyfriend back then either?
FaeAtHeart
Um, well I was seeing someone but it was kindof fizzing out.
Honestly, I’m not sure if there was even a real connection. Not the kind I’m looking for that is.
NotYourAverageJoe19
What else do you like about fairies? It can’t just be about the clothes.
FaeAtHeart
Hmm…I also like them because they appear delicate and small, but they have power.
NotYourAverageJoe19
Is that you? Small but mighty?
FaeAtHeart
I’m not sure about small but I like to think I have a little bit of power.
NotYourAverageJoe19
If I were with you right now, you would have power over me.
5
SYDNEY
“Why do you think Nash doesn’t care that I’m going on a date with Joe? He’s friends with him too,” I ask Lauren as she preps a variety of vegetables for the sheet pan something or another she’s making.
We let ourselves into the guys’ townhouse a half hour ago and she’s been busy in the kitchen ever since. I offered to help but we both know that I would make a mess out of boiling water.
“I think you’re asking the wrong question. You should be asking why he’s keeping a certain person out of your reach,” she says, spreading potatoes and peppers onto the pan.
Lauren checks the temperature on the oven before opening the door and placing two sheet pans loaded up with vegetables, potatoes, chicken, and steak inside. “Nash is protective. I’ve experienced that side of him too. When it comes to you, he seems to only be warning one friend. Why?” she asks, taking a seat beside me at the dinner table.
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Koa and I are never going to happen. We’ve both moved on.” I dig my fingernail into a crack in the table.
“Isthat what all this dating business has been? You moving on?” she asks with a smirk and raised eyebrow.
“This is me trying.” The truth is I don’t think I will ever be able to move on. Does it make me pathetic because I can’t get over my first love? I like to think I’m more of a realist. Being with Koa ended up hurting me more than I thought possible. Yet, he’s still the one I think about.
Lauren drops her elbows on the table and leans forward. “Koa doesn’t look like he’s trying very hard. I’ve never seen him give another female a second glance. Let alone date one.”
“That’s because he got over me a long time ago. Or maybe he was never really into me to begin with and it was all in my head.” I tap the side of my forehead a few times with my index finger. “You don’t see him dating anyone because he keeps that part of his life to himself.”
I should know better than anyone. I was one of his secret conquests. My throat tightens to the point swallowing is difficult. I never wanted to be a secret fling. I never wanted to be his secret anything.
I’m beginning to think we weren’t even a fling. I only had him for one night. That was all I got. One night and then it was over.
We were over.
It doesn’t feel like it’s over but it’s what I need to tell myself every day in order to move on. A little illusion I trick myself into believing. Except it never sticks. I wake up everymorning with my heart still hurting and my head making up lies to ease the pain.
