Luke:Because, everything is different now.
Cassie:How can it be different, it all happened eight years ago?
Luke:My life is different now, and I want to explain to you in person why. Not via text. I agree it was gutless sending you a letter, I should have spoken to you.
Cassie: Well, at least age seems to have taught you something. But what’s the point?
Luke:The point is I need to do this. I need to apologize to you face to face. Like I should have done a long time ago.
Interesting his use of the wordneed, I think as I reread the last text again. It seems to be an honest admission which deserves equal honesty. The anger firing me up earlier in the day has gone, and now I simply feel sad.
Cassie: I don’t think I can do this or I want to do this.
Luke: Please. Seems like we both need this.
Cassie: I need time.
It's a bit of a desperate plea on my part as I do need to think this through clearly. I'm a logical thinker in my job and I need to apply those same skills to my Luke problem.
A quick simpleokay comes back from Luke before I turn off my cell placing it on the table beside my bed.
Maybe he's right. Maybe I do need to do this. But seeing Luke again will hurt. I have to know I'm up for this, if I'm going to pick at the painful scab which Luke left on my heart.
I blamed myself for what went wrong between Luke and me but taking the blame completely was just another sign of how young and naive I was. Over the years I've come to realize the breakdown of our relationship was not my fault. It wasn't even Luke's fault. Our relationship was simply a young immature love. A flimsy fragile kind of love which needed to be nurtured and cared for like a tiny seedling, for it to grow strong into a deeper forever love. And neither of us did that, we were too busy living our separate lives. Then when things got tough, our love couldn't withstand the strain, so it broke.
Of course understanding all of this now that I'm older and hopefully wiser doesn't make the hurt any lesser. It also doesn't excuse Luke for the way he ended it. Even if it was inevitable.
The heartbreak was real. But day by day the pain in my heart lessened and finally I felt confident enough to meet guys. It was a whole year before I dated again. Then another year passed before I was intimate with a guy. Sex with someone who wasn’t Luke was a huge hurdle to overcome, but eventually, I did move on.
Since then, I've dated some good guys but when things start getting serious, I push them away. Jas and Lily were right about that. I don’t ever want to be hurt that deeply again and it's time I acknowledged the fear of being dumped is scaring me off jumping into serious relationships. Nobody dreams of becoming a lonely old cat lady.
I'm beginning to think Luke was right in his text when he said we both need this. I want to be brave enough to find love again and seeing Luke could be the key to unlocking my heart to a future relationship with someone.
I scroll back through my text conversation with Luke, trying to read between the lines. I'm searching for the reason Luke feels he needs to see me face to face but Luke Steele’s words are still a mystery to me.
With considerable effort I drag myself off my bed and to my closet, deciding a trip to the gym is needed to clear my head. There's nothing like a hard run on the treadmill to work through a problem. Not my favorite problem solving activity to do but as there's no handy waves to surf now that I live in the city, it works for me.
Hours later, after my trip to the gym and a quiet night alone watching Netflix, I've finally made the decision to meet Luke. It certainly wasn't anAh hakind of moment, more a realization that I do need to see him face to face one more time, hear what he has to say and find out why he sent the letter.
Decision made, I pick up my cell and without further delay text Luke a simpleokay. No greeting just anokay.
About ten minutes later his reply comes through.
Luke: Cassie does this mean you'll meet me?
He seems surprised that I've agreed. Good let him for once try second guessing me.
Cassie: Yes. One condition, though. I get to choose when… And the where must be public.
Luke: Sounds like two conditions to me.
Cassie: Okay, two conditions. Smartass!!!
I promise myself, I'm not going to let him smooth talk his way past my defenses with humor, either by text or when we meet in person.
He texts me a link to a Midtown wine bar, asking if it’s okay. I have heard of the swanky wine bar he's named as it’s one of the best wine bars in Manhattan.
If he thinks a flashy expensive place will impress me then he is so wrong. I text him back telling him I'll let him know the date soon.
