“I’m sorry for running off,” he said at last. “That wasn’t fair to either of you to leave you like that. Realization just… kind of hit me, and I panicked.”
“Realization about what?” Bridgette asked, her voice gentle.
Arlon kept his eyes on the floor rather than looking at the two of them. He swallowed the lump in his throat before he said, “That I care about you two. A lot.”
“If you’re afraid the feeling isn’t mutual, don’t be,” Garrett said before his lips quirked into a small grin. “We care about you, too.”
Arlon shook his hanging head even as warmth filled him at the easy admission. “No, that’s not it.” He let out a long breath before saying, “I’m not used to… getting close to people. Getting close means getting hurt, and I’m…”
His voice trailed off, but on the bed, Bridgette shifted. Her soft footsteps crossed the short distance to the desk before she took a seat on its surface. She finished his thought for him. “You’re afraid of getting hurt again.”
He nodded, and Bridgette hummed before she rested anarm over his shoulder, leaning close. “You know, when you picked that first fight with Garrett in the transmutation yard, I remember thinking you were either the bravest or stupidest person I’d ever met.”
Garrett’s chuckle rumbled from the bed, and Arlon couldn’t help a short, surprised huff of a laugh. Bridgette grinned at him but continued, one finger toying with a strand of his hair. “Were you afraid then?”
“Terrified,” Arlon admitted.
Garrett shifted off the bed and sank to crouch in front of Arlon, arms draped over his folded knees. “I knew I had rattled you. Didn’t think I’d see you again, but then you found me the next day. Not just that, but you asked me toteachyou.”
Arlon frowned. “So?”
Something sad lurked in Garrett’s wry smile. “So, running away is easy. Confronting the thing that made you do it is a lot harder, but you did it anyway. Now, you’re doing it again.”
Before he could form a response, Bridgette turned him to face her with a finger under his chin. “I’ll tell you my biggest fears about all this if you tell me yours.”
Arlon let out a shuddering breath, steeling himself before he nodded. Bridgette cupped his cheek, her smile faint and a little nervous.
“I’ve had a lot of lovers in my life, but until earlier today, Garrett’s only ever been with me,” she said, and Arlon straightened in surprise. “I’m afraid that as he starts branching out into the Crux, he’ll realize marrying me was a mistake. That he rushed into it with me. That maybe he’d be happier being with someone else.”
Garrett tsked before he reached out to grab Bridgette’s free hand, squeezing gently.
Arlon looked between the two of them with wide eyes. “Am I the first man you’ve ever hadsex with?”
Garrett nodded as he rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish. “Was it alright?”
Arlon let out a small laugh, his shoulders relaxing a bit. “Better than I ever thought it could be. Still think I prefer being on top, though.”
“I still haven’t quite found where I fit in with casting and conduiting,” Garrett admitted. “But, gods, there’s a lot I want to try. I’m just new to… all of this, and I’m afraid I’m going to fuck it up. Fuck up my relationship with you and Bri by making some stupid mistake. When you left earlier, I was afraid I’d already done it.”
Arlon swallowed as he looked between the two of them, finding familiarity in both of their fears. That fear of rejection, of making mistakes. The fear of getting hurt by someone you care about. He mustered his own courage before he said, “I’m afraid that if I get any closer to you two, o-or to Fawn, you’ll all realize that I’m still the same person Vian made me. I’m afraid that if you know me, you won’t want anything to do with me.”
Garrett took his hand. “We already know you.”
Bridgette pressed a gentle kiss to Arlon’s temple. “We just want to know you this way, too.”
Arlon looked between the two of them. That same pit he’d felt in the dungeon opened in front of him again, vast and unknown. Before, he had been convinced he would shatter at the bottom. Now, he was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, someone would be there to catch him.
“Yeah,” he said on a shaky breath. “Yeah, I’d like that, too.”
13
When Arlon entered Fawn’s office two days later, she took one look at him before her face split into a smile.
“Those don’t look like clothes for sparring practice,” she said as she stood from behind her desk.
Heat creeped up his neck as he looked down at the outfit he’d picked out today. Clothes were his armor, and this outfit wasn’t too far removed from what he normally wore—black trousers, a white linen shirt. The only real additions he’d made were the black leather harness that hugged his chest and black boots that reached halfway up his calf. He’d polished the leather of both to a shine.
“Do I look ridiculous?”
