“Arlon?”
He blinked aching red eyes, drawing his head up from where he’d buried it against his arms. He was sitting on the floor against Fawn’s bed, but before he could get to his feet, Fawn sank down to join him. Her hand cupped his cheek, and even though he thought he’d privately shed every tear he had, she proved him wrong.
“Fuck,” he muttered, scrubbing angrily at his cheeks.
“What’s wrong,a’marra?”
“Did Garrett and Bridgette talk to you?” he asked, though he dreaded the answer.
“They did,” she said. “They were looking for you everywhere.”
Arlon swore, burying his face against his arms again. Fawn moved to sit beside him, pressing against his side. Her warmth was an unwelcome comfort.
“What happened?” she asked.
“You already know.”
“I want to hear yourexperience.”
Arlon swallowed the knot in his throat. “We had sex, and it was… intense, and I-I ran off. They both tried to ask me what was wrong, but I just… left them.”
Fawn’s arm wound around his to grab his hand. “Why?”
He kept his face buried against his arms as his tears spilled over anew. “Because I’m so fucking scared.”
Fawn’s long fingers landed gently against his back, and he couldn’t help but flinch. “Scared of what?”
He couldn’t stand her touch. Not now. He lurched to his feet. “Of losing you!” He swore and started to pace, fingers dragging roughly through his hair. “Of losingthem!”
Fawn didn’t miss the slip of his words, and all at once, she seemed to realize the reason he’d kept her at an arm’s length recently. Her gown whispered as she got to her feet, coming to stand in his path.
“Arlon.” Something in her tone stopped his pacing, but he couldn’t bear to face her. “Look at me.”
There was no command of hers he couldn’t obey. He turned, his heart aching as he looked at her through tear-blurred eyes. She closed the distance between them before she took his hands.
“You know better than most that loss is a part of life,a’marra,” Fawn said. “I’m a diviner, but I can’t see all that the future holds. I can’t tell you that we won’t grow apart someday, even break off what we have. I can’t swear that you will always have Garrett and Bridgette beside you. I can’t promise that you willgeta happily ever after. There are no guarantees with love, Arlon.”
Arlon’s eyes spilled over again. It was every fear, every doubt confirmed. He’d loved so few people in his life, and every last one of them, through death or betrayal, had left a wound in him. How could the Crux be any different? Fawn’s mark was already visible in the scar across his chest.
“But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’ttry.”Fawn’s hands tightened around his, and something in the touch helped ground him a little. “No matter what form love takes, it isn’t a tree you plant and expect to prosper. It’s a garden that has to be maintained, and you are only able to do so much of that labor. Some things are simply out of your control.”
Fawn gave a small, humorless laugh. “Everythingwe do at the Crux is a risk. When we make friends, make love, makemagic, we put our hearts on the line.” Her hand reached up to cup his cheek, and it was only then he saw the unshed tears in her eyes. “Whatyouhave to decide is if that risk is worth the potential hurt.”
Arlon’s words died in his throat as he looked at her. He’d gotten used to seeing the woman behind the Grandmaster. But when he looked at her now, he saw someone who had suffered loss just as much as he had. For the first time, he could see her invisible scars like an echo of his own.
“Is it worth it?” he asked, his voice shaking.
Fawn’s thumb stroked his cheek, but somehow, the tears lining her eyes only made her smile brighter. Like sunlight shining through storm clouds. “Only you can answer that for yourself,a’marra. But in my experience?” She gave a small laugh. “Yes. Always.”
Arlon found Garrett and Bridgette later that night. When he knocked on the door to Bridgette’s room, it swung open almost immediately. Garrett’s expression changed from worry to relief to uncertainty in the blink of an eye.
“Arlon, I?—”
Arlon shook his head. “No, let me talk first,” he said, afraid he’d lose his nerve if he didn’t.
Garrett looked no less uncertain, but he nodded before he stepped back to allow Arlon into the room. Bridgette was sitting on the bed, her hair still wet from the baths, but she offered Arlon a small smile as he entered. Garrett took a seat next to her, and Arlon noticed that it was bigger than the bed in his room. Made for two rather than one.
That realization burrowed into his mind, making him feel like an intruder as he pulled the chair from their desk and took a seat. He swore quietly as he dragged his fingers through his hair, his foot bouncing an anxious rhythm against the floor as he tried to find the words to start.
