That had nevereverhappened in our relationship. I could hug and kiss Asher on the cheek, and I would feel nothing. But this? His hand touched mine, and suddenly I didn’t know what to think or how to speak.
Something was wrong with me. Maybe I was coming down with an illness. This was not normal.
I kept my gaze focused on the band as they started up another song. Thankfully, it was so loud in the bar that it was impossible to talk. The last thing I needed was to try and hold a conversation with Asher.
I pulled out my phone and took a few pictures of Asher watching the band, the band itself, and the bar. I wasn’t sure what I was going to write—my mind was struggling to form coherent sentences—so I wanted to be prepared in case future Ella needed a photo.
Fifteen minutes later, Shelby shifted her weight and pulled her phone from her back pocket. I watched as she read a text, and her entire expression fell. Something wasn’t right.
She leaned toward me. “I gotta go. Miles said Belle fell and she might need stitches.” She offered me an apologetic smile.
“It’s okay, we can go.”
“No, no.” She held up her hand. “You stay. Watch the band. I’ll see if Asher can give you a ride home.”
I parted my lips to tell her that wasn’t necessary. I really wasn’t sure how Asher was going to feel about giving me a ride home. But that would reveal to Shelby that something was wrong between me and Asher, and that wasn’t a thread I wanted to pull on just yet.
Denial was quickly becoming my best friend.
I watched as she slid off the barstool, rounded the table, and leaned in to talk to Asher. She must have gotten to the part with him taking me home, because suddenly I felt his gaze on me. My entire body flushed from his attention, and I silently cursed my cheeks for exposing me.
For someone who just wanted to keep her friendship intact, I was certainly acting like I was rapidly losing my mind. Eventually, Asher was going to pick up on my crazy and bail out early.
“Yeah,” I heard him say as he turned and nodded.
From Shelby’s lips, I saw her say,thank you, before she waved me a quick goodbye and hurried through the crowd of people, who quickly swallowed her up.
Now it was just Asher and I.
14
ASHER
I was an idiot.A big, stinking idiot.
Only an idiot would think that ignoring their best friend’s text would somehow make their life easier. Now, I was sitting in a bar with my best friend sitting next to me, wondering what the hell I was supposed to say to her.
How did I justify not texting her?
Her text had been so simple.Let your best man know where she needs to meet you for more wedding fun. It would have been so easy to respond to that. Instead, I chose to ignore it. Partly because I didn’t want to tell her that Coralie didn’t want her to be my best man. And partly because I was hurting.
Living my life loving Ella while she didn’t love me back sucked. I wanted my feelings to fade, but they were stubborn. They were clinging to me, and nothing I did seemed to shake them.
Under the table, I flexed the hand that had touched hers.
Nothing I did, no conversations we had or touches we shared, could do anything to convince me that I wanted just a friendship with Ella. I wanted so much more that it was consuming me. And it shouldn’t be.
I was getting married. I was going to have a wife. And yet, my body hadn’t caught on to that fact.
I leaned back against the barstool and took a sip of my beer before setting it back on the table. I needed a distraction, so I was going to listen to this band with every fiber of my being. It was the only way I was going to survive the night.
When the last few chords of the song finished, I set my beer down so that I could cheer and clap. Good. That felt good. The movement helped jostle my body into forgetting what it felt like to touch Ella. To study her.
Maybe if I just kept my gaze forward and my hands to myself, I just might be able to survive tonight.
The song that the band started up next was a slow one. All the couples in the room started making their way to the dance floor, wrapping their arms around each other and holding each other close.
This sucked.
