I was going to play dirty.
* * *
True to my word,I was standing outside of my apartment at five in a pair of cut-off shorts, a tank top, and cowboy boots, waiting for Shelby to arrive. I may have taken more time than I liked to admit getting ready for this evening. There was something about Asher’s lack of response to my text that had me spiraling. I wanted to look nice. Some strange part of my brain thought it would make me feel better.
Now, standing outside with the sun setting behind the trees and the cool ocean breeze surrounding me, I didn’t feel vindicated. I felt cold.
I’d almost convinced myself to go back into my apartment and change when Shelby’s car came into view. She waved at me, and I pushed all thoughts about my clothes to the back of my mind. This was what I was wearing, and I was going to be confident in my choice.
I climbed into the seat next to Shelby. She made a point to turn and look at me with her eyebrows raised.
“You look hot,” she said as she waited for me to shut the door before she pressed on the gas and took off down my street.
“Thanks,” I said as I buckled my seatbelt.
She glanced over at me. “Any particular reason?”
I knew if I said,to make the groom realize that he can’t just ignore my texts, it probably wouldn’t sound right, so I just shrugged. “You never know if you’re going to meet the right guy.”
“Ooo, you’re wanting to meet someone?”
A few weeks ago, I would have answered yes. I did want to meet someone. I wanted to be in love. Being alone sucked. But for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. My feelings for Asher were so jumbled up that I could no longer understand myself. I was overanalyzing everything he said and did.
A few months ago, if he didn’t text me, I’d just rag on him for ignoring his best friend. Now? I felt like a psycho as I tried to dissect why he didn’t text me back. Was he mad at me? Disappointed in me? Was he already pulling back because he knew that, in a mere five days, he could no longer be my best friend?
And all of these thoughts left me paralyzed in my relationship with him.
I hated it. I hated who I’d become. I hated how our relationship had changed. And I hated how, at the end of all of this, I was going to lose him.
“Ella?” Shelby’s voice was soft, and from the corner of my eye, I could see her lean closer to me.
“Mmm, yeah?” I asked, pulling myself from my thoughts and turning to face her. The memory of her question raced through my mind as I hurried to add, “I’m always ready to meet someone.”
I forced a smile, hoping that she wouldn’t pick up on my internal turmoil. If she did notice anything, she didn’t bring it up. Instead, she asked about what kind of guy I was looking for so she could be on the lookout for him as well.
The conversation remained lighthearted as we drove to Bebop Bar in Eden, the town on the other side of Powta. When we got to the small bar, she pulled around back and found an empty parking spot. I unbuckled my seatbelt while she turned off the engine. Once we were both out of the car, we walked side by side toward the bar.
The muted music blared when Shelby opened the door and held it so I could walk in. I had to keep to the wall after I entered to give Shelby enough room to step inside. Throngs of people were either standing in small circles, talking, or they were turned toward the stage, where the singer was wailing into the microphone. As soon as space opened up, I shuffled further into the bar and then waited for Shelby to instruct me where to go. After all, she’d been in contact with Asher…not me.
“Come on, he says he’s guarding a table,” Shelby yelled and then nodded to the side.
I nodded, but didn’t say anything. With the decibel level in here, talking was pointless.
Shelby had to push herself through the mass of people. I kept my head down as I stayed as close to her as I could so that I wouldn’t suddenly get cut off. When she stopped, I peered around her shoulder to see that she’d found Asher and the table he was sitting at. At first, Asher didn’t notice me. His smile was wide as he rose up off his seat to greet Shelby. But then his gaze flicked to mine, and his smile sank.
I swallowed back the emotions that rose up in my throat. Deep down, I thought that might be his reaction. But thinking he might be disappointed and witnessing his disappointment were two different things. The latter sucked. Bad.
If I’d driven myself to the bar, I would have turned around right then and left. If Asher didn’t want me here, I would leave. But I’d come with Shelby, so I was going to have to stick out this awkward situation.
“Sit,” Shelby said as she moved to the side and motioned toward the chair next to Asher.
I wanted to shuffle around her and pick the seat across from him, but there was no room. I was stuck accepting the chair she’d assigned me. Not sure what to do, I gave Asher a weak smile as I moved to pull the chair out only to have his hand land on mine as if he had intended to do the same.
Shots of electricity raced up my arm, and my entire body froze as I stood there, starting at his hand on mine. I slowly brought my gaze up to meet his. He looked as startled as I felt.
“Sorry,” he mumbled as he pulled his hand away.
My hand instantly felt cold. It took me a moment to regain my faculties enough to pull the chair away from the table and sit down on it. I kept my elbows tucked in to my sides and my knees together in case there was any chance I might touch him again.
