I glanced at her, a little surprised.
She didn’t talk too much about dad. Not because it was a taboo topic. If I asked, she’d tell me anything I wanted to know, but it had been many years since my dad past. Almost sixteen years. Long enough that I had no recollection of the man.
My birth dad passed due to a rare form of cancer when Liam and I were only a couple of years old. From the few stories mom has told me of those days, it sounded like a time of pure bliss that was cut far tooshort.
“Why? I haven’t done much,” I mumbled, tearing my gaze away from my mother and out onto the people peppering the sand.
“May, why would you say that?”
Do I really have to answer that? That was the message I portrayed in the look I gave her. That earned me a reluctant chuckle.
She went quiet for a minute, watching the coast before she finally sighed. “Your father had the biggest heart. His love knew no bounds. He would’ve been proud of you just for getting out of bed every morning and going to school.” Mom laced her fingers with mine, smiling. “He would have cheered you on when you were in sports. And he would’ve cheered you on when you dropped out to focus on school because he loved you.”
Slumping in my seat, I relished in the way the breeze picked up, blowing salty mist at us. “You make him sound so perfect.”
Mom sniffed at that. “He was far from perfect. He snored so loud the walls of our first apartment shook and he had the worst time management. I constantly had to tell him an event was at least two hours earlier than it really was.” Giggling, she shook her head as she gave my hand a squeeze. “But he was perfect for me—in the way he loved me, needed me, listened to me, talked to me—befriended me…”
Trailing off, she looked down at her lap, licking her lips. “He was perfect in the way he loved his kids—he would’ve done anything to keep you and Liam happy and healthy.” Straightening, she turned to face me, sea foam eyes bright. “I wish you could’ve grown up knowing a love like that.”
Yeah, you and me both.
If only to know the love and acceptance of a good, generous, faithful father-figure and not—the opposite.
“I did,” I said, instead. “I had you.”
I could see the emotion welling up in my mother’s eyes as she shook her head. “It’s not the same.”
4 Help
Maybelle
Tuesday and its own horrors came and went.
Liam and I, thank God, had our turn with the family car, and we drove ourselves to and from school. But we weren’t spared from the corny games the teachers had lined out for us.
On a more positive note, Trey wasn’t in any of my classes. So, I got through the day without anymore—moments—with him, embarrassing or otherwise.
Now, the sun was descending behind the horizon with a trail of blazing colors following its retreat. Tonight was the graduation rehearsal. Instead of staying at the school until the rehearsal started, Liam and I ran home to grab a snack. Now, we were back in the car, rumbling down the road.
My window was down, allowing the balmy air to tangle with my hair and kiss my face as we rushed by.
My brother and I usually spent car rides in silence. I didn’t think we avoided conversations because we didn’t like talking to each other. We just—didn’t know how to talk to each other.
I think that skill evaded us a long time ago.
I also liked to believe Liam used the quiet momentsbetween us to think. Everything and everyone in his life was loud and chaotic. It made me happy to think that maybe he found peace in the safe, still moments between us. Like I did.
As I watched the world carry on outside my window, I couldn’t help but discreetly study my twin from my peripheral.
Liam was beautiful, that much was for certain. He was beautiful in the way a mountain could be considered magnificent. He was solid. Vibrant with the colors of nature. Epic with sharp cliffs and tall, jagged rocks, but the thing about mountains is they’re built over time. They’re formed by the collision of tectonic plates. The buckling and folding of earth and stone.
So was Liam.
Life had molded, shattered, and rebuilt the boy sitting in the seat next to me. So much so, in the last few years, I felt like I hardly knew him. Liam and I had been close when we were kids. He was my hero, my best friend, but after we hit our teenage years, we grew apart.
Despite that fact, I looked up to him, even envied him for the way he took on life in stride. I aspired to be like him. To be a force like him. To remain put together, a leader and friend the way he seemed to always find so easy.
I needed to tell him that one of these days, just how much I truly admired him.
