Her eyes softened as she watched all of my walls come tumbling down. The walls that I’d put up without even knowing. I didn’t want to feel the extent of the pain that was there. “Jayson and I weren’t perfect. Many times, I felt like we didn’t need to be together. But if it ended, I never thought that it would end like it did. I never thought that he would cheat on me.”
“I understand that, which is why you have to do what needs to be done. You need to be free of all that hurt. He needs to know how you feel and you need to know how he feels. Like I said, you don’t have to like it, but you still need to do it.”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but in some ways, it made sense. As much as I wanted to believe that I was moving on, I wasn’t. There were too many things holding me back, and it wasn’t just Jayson’s decision not to sign the divorce papers. My mind was still holding on to every painful memory of being with Jayson and his infidelity. Something had to change, and I guess that something started with me.
Pulling my cell from my back pocket, I tapped on the screen and searched for Jayson’s number. Clearing my throat, I paused for a moment and just stared at his name.
“Do I want to do this?” I whispered.
“Yes.” Kendra lifted the phone a little higher, giving me the push that I needed to send the message. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”
Nodding, I shot him a text.
“Let’s meet up.” –Nova
31
Nova
I wanted to be in a public place. Somewhere I knew I would keep my cool if Jayson tried to do something to push my buttons. Niecy’s Bistro and Bar was the perfect place. It was light, airy, and had nothing but good vibes.
I stared straight ahead as I remained in the parking lot, too nervous to leave my car. This could easily go left, and I really couldn’t afford that. I already had so much on my mind. Mostly, because I missed Don. But there wasn’t much I could do about that, and I didn’t know if I should even try.
“Focus,” I whispered, reminding myself of why I was sitting in the parking lot in the first place. “You can do this. You have to do this.”
Just as I got ready to step out of the car, my phone rang.
It was Aunt Patricia…again.
I sat still, unsure if I wanted to answer.
Granted, maybe she wasn’t the one that invited Jayson to the barbecue. But her, my grandmother, and Nicolette had made their beliefs very clear on more than one occasion. At this point, I was beyond sick and tired of having to defend my choices with the people I called my blood.
I needed a break…a long one.
Sighing, I answered the phone. “Hello, Aunt Patricia.”
“Nova…hi. I wanted to check on you. How are—”
“Look, I’m going to stop you right there and get straight to the point. Right now, I’m outside of a restaurant, preparing to go in and talk to Jayson.”
“Oh, wow, that’s great. I hope you two can work everything out and get your marriage back on track.”
I shook my head. “No, see, that’s the problem, you haven’t been listening to me. I’m not here to get my marriage back on track. That’s over, and I would tell you again to let that be, but I know you’re just going to do what you want. With that being said, I want you to know that I’m stepping away from the family.”
“What…what do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said. So, don’t call me, don’t show up at my place, don’t invite me to any family functions…just don’t do anything.”
“Oh my God, Nova, you sound ridiculous.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” I replied, not caring about her opinion. “Bottom line, this family has caused me more stress than anything or anyone, and I’m exhausted. I tried to avoid doing this, but I’ve been left with no choice.”
“So, you feel like cutting off your family is okay?”
I paused for a moment, trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to say. “You know what? There was a time where I would’ve quickly said no. But now, I can easily say yes,” I answered. “I’ve reached a place where I feel like it’s necessary to cut off anything that doesn’t positively serve me, and this family doesn’t do that.”
“Wow…just wow. I wish you could hear how selfish you sound right now.”
