CHAPTER FOURTEEN
LEO
IT’S BEEN A MONTHsince I last saw Kendall. I know I’m going to see her today because I’m heading into the administration building to work through some of my medical discharge paperwork. I started driving regularly again, and I despise the fact that I’m learning to handle life after hearing quite well. As I park in a spot in the parking lot, I’m hit with a bout of déjà vu. I’m taken back to the day when this lot was covered by a blanket of white snow and terrorists lurked around hoping to kill anything that breathed. I shove the sense of dread down and close my car door. I’ve only been on base a few other times since that day, and my Dad drove me those other times. Today is different. Today I face the future head on.
I am a deaf man. I have no future as a Navy SEAL. They cannot use me for anything. Even if they could, I wouldn’t want the half-baked tasks they might come up with to keep me on the payroll. I want to feel the rush of adrenaline as I stand shoulder to shoulder with my brothers as an equal. I’m a has-been. A washed-up special operator with nothing substantial to offer. There is no symbiotic relationship anymore. I would be a hazard to not only my own safety, but those around me. I’m an asshole, but I’m not selfish with regard to life, and I want my teammates to live long lives.
Carrying my medical file, I enter the building and am immediately on alert. I peer down the hallway to the right—where Kendall’s office is—and see that her door is open. Someone taps me on the shoulder and I spin. It’s Margaret. She’s wearing a neon pink sweater and her lips match. I smile.
“Hey, Margaret, you ready for me?” My heart rate ratchets up and my palms sweat. She nods, and takes the file from my hands. She extends an arm to her office and I walk in the opposite direction of where my heart is leading me.
When I sit in front of her desk, she hands me a tablet and begins typing.
A message pops up. “How are you doing? How are you feeling? I’m going to go make copies of everything and we should be in and out of here rather quick. Type a message in this program if you have any questions, okay?” It’s in the same program Kendall used to teach foreign language.
“Sounds good. Is Kendall in today?”
Margaret gets uncomfortable, the ligaments in her neck straining, and her lips purse. “I don’t know if she’s in her office,” she types to me.
“Come on. Give me a little bit more than that. I haven’t seen her in weeks. Is she doing okay?”
“I have to make copies,” Margaret sends back, standing from her computer to stride to the back of her office where the copy machine is. It’s a thick document. Copying is going to take a while. She has a tablet with her so she can type back if I speak.
I clear my throat as she rocks back and forth on her low, sensible heels. “Margaret, I don’t think I ever thanked you.” I close my eyes and rub my temples. “For hiring Kendall. I knew she would be a good fit here, and well, she’s better off now.” Without me, I think.
Margaret looks even more prickly, leaning against the machine as she types. “You knew Spanish, Callaway. The whole thing was wrong. You’re just lucky she turned out to be a hard worker. A wonderful addition to our team here. Don’t thank me for anything. She’s qualified. Over-qualified. A wonderful employee who always goes the distance. I should be thanking you.”
“It was a favor, though, at the core. I appreciate you giving Kendall a chance.”
Margaret startles and looks to her cracked office door. I glance over my shoulder. Kendall is standing in the doorway, a towering, furious woman who looks like she wants to star in aSlaughterhousemovie. Fuck. Kendall is seething. She heard what I said.
I stand, putting my palms up. “Kendall, you didn’t see what Margaret wrote me. You only heard a one-sided conversation. Here,” I shove the tablet toward her. “Read it.” And if she didn’t hear, now she knows. I’m such a dumbass. The loss of my sound forces me to overcompensate. Before, I would have waited to see what she said before asserting myself. I don’t have that luxury anymore. All in, all up front.
She shakes her head, and clasps her hands in front of her. “You hired me because he told you to?” Kendall tosses her head my way, but doesn’t meet my eyes. I’m better at reading lips now. I’m also better at sign language. I began a course online and have been studying nonstop after Kendall left me. I’d never admit I made a mistake by turning her down. Not yet, anyway. Not now that I can see she’s doing fine without me in her life.
Margaret says, “No, he merely suggested you as a potential candidate. That’s all.”
I try shoving the tablet into Kendall’s hands once again. She takes it and her eyes fly over the words. I see the hurt in her eyes. My betrayal. Because I wanted to be closer to her. I needed her in my life every day. Even in a friend capacity.
“YouknewSpanish?” Kendall says, her accusing, blue eyes meeting my gaze.
Sighing, I say, “Si, Senorita. Well enough. Listen, they brought you on for Spanish and I knew you were looking for a job because…your mom called in secret and asked me to put in a good word for you. It was innocent, I promise you.” I lay a hand on my chest. “I promise you.” I sign. Her gaze flits down to my hands and her eyes narrow.
“You sign now?”
I sign. “A little.”
Kendall shakes her head and responds to something Margaret has said.
I interrupt. “Kendall.” I stand from the chair.
“What?” she says, while signing. “I’m so angry with you. With all of this. I am never good enough. Not in any area of my life. I should have known this was too good to be true.”
It’s hard to keep up with her because she’s signing quicker than she used to, but YouTube has been my friend and I’ve watched so many signing videos I’m able to discern what she’s said. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself,” I say, and sign at the same time. I sign much slower than I talk, though, so I finish speaking first. “She said you were over-qualified. Read the message again. I merely asked if she had received your resume for the position and told her you’d be a good fit. That happens all the time in the civilian world. People hire people on other’s recommendations. That’s how the world works. I lied about knowing Spanish only because, well, because Magnolia also said you needed a friend and I missed you. I’m not sure if she meant me. Actually, I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean me, but figured I was more qualified for the friend position than anyone else might be.”
“Awful vain of you,” Kendall signs. “As usual, right?” Turning to Margaret, she speaks to her. I don’t need a translator to know that Margaret is backing me up, giving Kendall reassurance. She closes the door and sits in the seat next to me while she bombards her boss with questions. She has purposely moved her face so I can’t read her lips, and she’s not signing.
Finally, she heaves a sigh and shakes her head. Her blue gaze finds mine. “You don’t know how to do anything normal, do you?” she signs.
