My eyes flare, but I tamp down on the surprise quickly as everyone is watching for my reaction. Marcus, for jealousy, Ben to see if the story is getting a rise out of me, and Norah, because she’s talking to me. I flush.
“He’s so charming without meaning to be.”
I nod and reaffirm her sentiment. A million stories of how Ben charmed me come to mind, but I realize only one matters. Theirs.
Norah and Ben’s story is perfect.
“How did you and Marcus meet?” Norah asks innocently, merely returning the favor to let me wax poetic about my relationship. She doesn’t like speaking about herself. I can already tell she’s a listener.
I tell them the story about the first day of class at Harvard and how I ran late. Tardiness isn’t a trait I’d ever own on a normal basis, so I was flustered, and the professor had already started and the only seat left was next to a very good-looking man, with a bright, wide smile. Marcus whispered where we were at in the text and smirked as he tapped the end of his pen on the correct paragraph.
I wanted to explain to him that I got held up on a phone call, that I wasn’t this spaced out loser destined to flunk out of Harvard before I’d gotten out of the gate. I didn’t have a chance, though. I stayed silent and thanked him with a meek smile. “He asked me to study that same day, right after class. The rest is history.” I squeeze Marcus’ hand on my knee.
“She’s a beautiful girl. Can you blame me?” Marcus says, palming his chest with one hand.
Ben looks off to the left. “Nope. Not at all.” His usual, jovial smile has vanished and Norah rubs a hand on his back. Can she tell he’s upset because of me?
Does she know how important I am to Ben? The thought makes me feel weak—like a vulnerable calf waiting for slaughter. “That’s a great story, Harper. You two have so much in common. You’re the best couple ever,” Norah coos, clasping her hands together in front of her. Our story reads like a textbook and theirs reads like a fable.
“Yeah, the stuff fairy tales are made of,” Ben adds, giving a pointed wink in Marcus’ direction. “It’s been a while now, hasn’t it?”
Marcus knows down to the minute when our anniversary is, so it’s him who answers. I take a sip of my drink and compliment Norah’s nail color instead. It’s a light mauve, a color my grandma loves. On her, it looks chic and in style. She sidesteps the compliment by gushing about the woman who does her nails and tells me we should go together next week and grab lunch at the Pho place next door.
I agree to the outing while Ben watches the interaction with curiosity. I’m sure he thought jealous rage would seep out of my pores and turn to acid. Leave it to him to select a woman so polished and polite that I literally have nothing to hate about her except she has more of Ben’s time than I do. We order dinner and we eat while partaking in overly polite conversation. Marcus kisses my check when he excuses himself to the restroom, and Ben seethes at the innocuous touch of his lips.
“Want to help me grab another round at the bar?” I ask, tilting my head toward the crowded corner where people are mingling about, trying to find something they probably won’t locate in the wiry, loose atmosphere.
She smiles wide. “Yes. Of course!” she replies, patting the corner of her mouth with a napkin.
The restaurant turns into a club at 9 p.m. and the service starts slowing down to a snail’s pace. If the food wasn’t so good, there’s no way we’d deal with it. Norah stands, a willowy, graceful being, and tucks her soft blond hair behind one ear. After Marcus returns, the men give me their drink orders, and we head to the bar. She stays close to my side as we weave toward our destination. It’s hard not to compare myself to her for the solitary reason that we are polar opposites.
She sways a little when she walks. Not because she’s trying to get attention, but because she has that natural grace some tall women have. She could be a ballerina in another life. The self-conscious part of me recognizes it in her, and I think maybe I finally see what drew Ben in. It’s in the way her eyes dart around the room, but never land on any one thing for too long. “Ben talks about you all the time. I can’t believe I haven’t gotten a chance to meet you yet,” Norah says, leaning down to make sure I can hear her.
“Yeah, we’re both pretty busy.” I’d love to be able to say I know everything about her, but he didn’t share this part of his life. My stomach rolls when I realize it’s the first thing he’s kept from me. “A childhood full of menacing,” I joke, turning to the bar to order our drinks when I catch the bartender’s eye.
After I finish rattling off the order, I sense Norah’s eyes on the side of my face. I turn to her with a smile fixed on my face. “Let’s see if he gets it right,” I exclaim.
“You’re so pretty,” Norah says. “And intelligent, and every other wonderful thing that can be used as a descriptive word. I have to admit I didn’t believe him when he told me his best friend was a girl,” she says, pausing to look over my head. “Or rather, it’s possible, but there’s always something more.” When I don’t answer, she goes on. “It truly is just a friendship, though, isn’t it?” This is the moment to tell her the gritty truth. That love doesn’t exist outside of Ben for me, that the only man who has ever held my heart does so wearing a warm pair of gloves that are fit to size.
The bartender slides two drinks toward me. Swallowing down the fear, I decide on a half-truth. “I love Ben. He’s been in my life for as long as I can remember. He’ll always be in my life if he wants me there. We’re just friends, Norah. I promise.”
She smiles, as she reaches out to take one of the drinks. “I feel foolish for asking. He told me the same thing. Women’s intuition, I guess. It’s off!” Norah laughs, and I could shake her. She’s not off. She sees what I’m too scared to admit.
The other drinks arrive. “Don’t feel bad. We get it a lot. It took Marcus a long time to accept the friendship. It is that, though. Just a friendship.” One a lifetime long with more love than most people accumulate in eighty years.
She nods. “Thank you, Harper. I hope you approve of me, because I love that man and I know he wants your approval. I think it’s why he finally let me meet you.”
All I can do is grin and tell her there’s no way he puts that much weight into my approval. Making our way back to our table takes longer than it should. My feet feel heavy and I’m not ready for any more of this group date.
Right before we sit down she whispers something into my ear that makes every hair on my body stand on end. It was supposed to be a sweet sentiment. She laughed when she whispered it—made it seem like a joke. She told me she wanted Ben until death do them part.
Chapter Ten
Ben
You can change what you want, but you can’t change the way you want things. Fuck knows I’ve tried. Harper calls almost every day now that she knows I’m serious about Norah. While I tell myself I want Norah, I can’t squelch the ever present desire to have Harper. I’m doubtful anything divine or otherwise will change that fact.
Norah is sitting in front of me, cross-legged, her long blond hair piled high on her head. With a mischievous grin she lays down three kings. “Wasn’t Rummy your idea because you thought you could finally beat me on game night?” She’s intelligent, beautiful, and has a soft-spoken charm that negates the first two facts. Norah was raised in a middle-class family, same as my own, and has the same quality that draws me to women. She’s searching for something inside of me that will complete her. It’s self-destructive, but she doesn’t know that. None of them do.
