In lieu of stressing about a family visit, I reply, “I’ll call Ben.” I turn in my chair so I can hide my face and every emotion I don’t want him to see. “If he’s away on a work trip it can be a date. Just you and me.” I hear him open a textbook and I take his silence for what it truly is. A promise to bring up the marriage thing again as soon as the time arises. Maybe it doesn’t have to be perfect, maybe it just has to work.
Before I lose my nerve, I dial Ben. He picks up on the first ring.
“Harper. Fancy hearing your ring in my ears.” His voice, after some time has passed, makes my heart race. Graduation was a much needed visit. We laughed and talked about the old days, and then it ended and he left to go do God knows what. His face was stoic as he said goodbye and my stomach filled with dread when I saw it. We don’t talk about those things anymore. They make our parents worried, and they make me plain, ole’ terrified. Ben knows it. His life is a secret because it has to be, and because he’s sparing our feelings. I realize how selfless an act it is. How difficult it must be to keep your entire life shrouded in a rose-colored cloth for the benefit of those you care about.
I laugh. “How are you doing? It’s been a while. Can’t call a best friend on a more frequent basis?” Even as I give him a hard time, I eye the stack of unfinished work on my desk. I’m just as much to blame for the friend absence. “I win, by the way. I called first.” My stomach falls when I realize my tone has changed completely and Marcus is listening to every joy tinged word fleeing my mouth. I swallow and try to compose myself.
Ben’s returning chuckle warms my stomach. “I’m good. Lots of trips. You caught me at home, though. You got your radar on me?”
Clearing my throat, and my nerves, I get it all out in a rush. “Want to go out to dinner with Marcus and me? Mom says you have a girlfriend now, so it could be a double date.”
“The timing is too good to be true. Sure. Where?”
My stomach sinks. I didn’t realize I wanted him to deny the girlfriend until right this second, when he doesn’t.
“It’s time you met Norah. Give her the official Harper stamp of approval.”
She has a place in his life and she has a name. A pretty one.
We hash out the details, without consulting our significant others, and he ends the call with a cheery goodbye. I knew it would happen. I was surprised it took this long, but it truly wasn’t until I told him to move on that he did. Ben deserves happiness in whatever form he can find it in.
“We all set then?” Marcus growls from the other side of the room. The consternation in his words pricks my whole body with unease. Every once in a while, when he’s tired and worked to the bone, I see the side of Marcus I experienced right before I flew out to visit Ben. Luckily, it’s not frequently, but when it happens it does make me uncomfortable enough to smile at his grimace, leave the room, and eventually the house, with some lame excuse about needing coffee from a shop instead of a pot.
Brooding on his side of the room, I give him the details while focusing on the framed drawing of a park above his desk. He holds his pen up in the air to let me know I’m dismissed and I leave the room quietly, respecting his need to get stuff finished.
I make my way out the back door and flop down in a chair on the patio, a stack of papers as my only company. Concentrating is hard. For the first time in my life, I feel something other than excitement and happiness at the prospect of seeing Ben.
I feel a swirl of anxious dread. Norah. I wonder what she looks like. I wonder if she’s seeing the smile that belongs to me. I wonder if Ben is finally in love.
++++
Ben is gesturing wildly. “He turned around and said, ‘Don’t touch it unless you can fix it,’” he says, finishing some story he heard from his friends. “Not since before the dawn of time has anyone used an ax as a weapon,” Ben adds, shaking his head.
Everyone is rapt. Especially Norah. She watches Ben, chin resting on one hand, like he hung the moon. I can’t look at her longer than a few seconds without feeling something akin to buyer’s remorse. Marcus asks Ben lots of questions and because Ben is so effervescent and malleable in any situation he makes this whole thing seem as easy as walking down the street on a sunny day.
I sip my drink and smile. Marcus keeps his hand on my knee for a long time. When he finally takes it off when our appetizers arrive, there’s a sweaty, warm spot that reminds me of a swamp.
“Tell us about yourself, Norah. You’ve been so quiet,” Marcus says during a lull.
He’s irritating the hell out of me, but right now I could kiss him. Aside from a brief introduction in front of the hostess stand, I haven’t heard her speak. Ben wraps an arm around her chair, as if Marcus’ question reminded him she existed.
Norah grins at the subtle touch from Ben. She loves him. It’s so obvious to me. I wonder if it’s obvious to a stranger. I look at Marcus, but he’s staring at the couple with an air of indifference. “I’m a veterinarian at an animal hospital down the street from Ben’s house.” She’s smart and committed. And beautiful. Expecting anything less wouldn’t have given Ben enough credit.
I can’t keep the rabid curiosity at bay. “How did you two meet?” I ask.
Ben looks wildly amused as he tilts his head toward my voice. He reads beneath the surface of my questions and I might as well be fully exposed—stripped of the skin that masks my insides.
Ben turns his focus to Norah. “Go ahead. Tell them,” he prompts, leaning in close to her face.
She sighs. “Ben found a kitten in a sewage drain by his house. He pounded on the door two hours before my clinic opened. I happened to go in early that day to finish some files from the night before and opened the door when I saw the kitten.”
Ben smiles, pleased that he’s the hero in this story. “It lived and now I have a black cat named Pennywise,” he explains.
Marcus puts his hand back on my leg and I can feel his eyes boring into my bones.
I smile because Marcus is watching. “That’s a great story,” I say, actually meaning it.
Norah, continues, her eyes taking on a far-off love swept look. “He kept coming back day after day to check on the little guy. God knows I’m attracted to a man who loves animals. Especially one as handsome as Ben. I asked him out the fourth time he came around.”
