She looked at me, and I inhaled softly. “My mother left us for her trainer. She'd promised us she would never stop loving me, that she would always be there, and she left. She never looked back.”
Nina's eyes softened. I knew she already knew that, but she didn't know the rest.
“And our stepmother promised us the same. But she brought hunters into our pack and used me as bait to lure my father out.”
Her eyes widened.
“And I know that my past doesn't make up for what I've done and said. It's not an excuse, but I want you to know. I'm trying. I'm shit at this, but I'm trying.”
She swallowed. “How old were you?”
“I was four. Kerr was one. I overheard her one night when I was looking for my dad. She had planned everything out. Picked our father at the right moment, knowing he was vulnerable because our mother left. She was smart and used our weaknesses to her advantage.”
She shifted in my arms. “I'm sorry.”
She didn't even know everything, but I could tell she meant those words. That was the thing about Nina: no matter how hurt she was, she was always there.
“There is nothing you should be sorry for. I'm the one who's apologizing.” I frowned, pulling a hand up, and cupped her face. “I grew up thinking humans were always trying to hurt us. It's all I knew. And I'm trying to change that.”
Nina frowned. “Do you think I could hurt you?”
I had gone back and forth with that question. If Nina had wanted to, she would have, but then I would tell myself maybe she was in it for the long haul. But this was Nina. She'd argued with me, but she'd never hurt me. She'd never hurt anyone, even when it would have saved her.
“No. No, I don't.”
“Then why do you act like I will? Why do you still push me away when I've done nothing but stand here and wait? Why have you treated me like I was lower than dirt, like a used rag? Because that's how it feels. Like you used me.”
I could see tears blooming again in her eyes, and I reached up, cupping her face with both my hands. “Please don't cry.”
I wiped at her eyes, pulling her closer to me. I felt her body pressing against mine as I held her, wishing I could make it all stop.
“I'm…not ignoring you in the way you think. I promise I’m not.”
She sniffled, and I pressed my forehead against hers. “You occupy my entire mind. Every thought seems to fall back on you. I can hardly get work done because I keep thinking about you.”
She froze, looking at me, stunned. “You're just saying that.”
I shook my head. “I'm not. Ever since we slept together, I have kept going over it in my head. It replays constantly, and I find myself wanting you even more than I had before. I'm trying to keep you safe, and I'm trying to protect you, but I want to toss that all out the window to get you naked, Nina. I would give up everything to have you.”
I rubbed my thumb over her lip. “You have the softest lips and the smoothest skin. You have such a pale complexion that has been untouched by the sun. You have the darkest eyes that hold so many secrets. They are so gentle, though, like an innocent animal.”
I popped her lip down, and Nina inhaled slowly. I watched her swallow, cheeks going a shade of red.
I lowered my hand, scatting it down her throat and to her collarbone. I could hear her heartbeat quicken, a shiver shaking her. She licked her lips as I looked at her.
“You have the darkest black hair that shines in the sun. You always smell like a fresh bouquet of flowers, and even when you're doing nothing, you are breathtaking. When I said you looked nice tonight, I was trying so hard not to jump you. I’m trying to keep my distance so you don’t think I slept with you because that’s all I wanted, because it’s not.”
I watched fresh tears form in her eyes. I reached my hand around, cupping the back of her head. “And I can't stop looking at you. I search the room, aching to see you again.”
Her fingers reached up, scatting across my chest. The world seemed to pause as her fingers moved higher, her thumb caressing my lip. “Do you mean that?”
I tightened my hold on her head. “Every word.” I leaned forward and kissed her softly. This one was softer than the others. I wasn't moving with a hunger. I was moving with longing. I wanted Nina because of how beautiful she was. Because of how soft and gentle she had been. Because she'd taken me as who I was and still stuck around.
Her arms wrapped around my shoulder, her chest pressing tightly against mine. I moved up, flattening her onto the floor. I kissed her like my life depended on it.
I growled as I kissed her, not realizing how much I had truly wanted it. I had denied myself. I kept telling myself that it was because I hadn't been with someone in a while, but that wasn't the case. Being with Nina felt like a key unlocking a door. It fit. And I knew why. I had denied it for so long, but our names came out of Katie's machine together for a reason.
Her arms tightened around me, and I reached down, pulling her legs apart and sliding close to her. Her legs wrapped around me as I ground into her.
