Hands drop on my shoulders from either side.Words come at me.It wasn’t your fault.You were just a kid.It was an accident,reach my ears.
I blink back tears and nod.“Well, I’m still sorry.That’s all.”
“Nobody ever held it against you,” my father says from across the table, tipping his beer bottle in my direction.“Nobody.”He says the last word fiercely, like he’s daring me to disagree.
“You always were so fascinated by fire,” my mom says.“And now look at you—we couldn’t be more proud.You put your interest to work in the best possible way, didn’t you?”
That’s what I had always thought, but I’m suddenly not so sure.Was I just doing it for my family?To make up for my horrific crime and my cowardice about not telling them?And to think they knew all along!
I sniff.“My captain thinks I should become a fire inspector.”
My brother Alex lowers his fork.“That’s not a bad idea, sis.”
I shrug, too mixed up to know if it’s a good idea or not.
“You’d be a detective, like me.”He grins and winks at me, and I can’t help but feel a small tingle of pleasure at hearing how proud he sounds of me.
“Well, there’s no telling if I can get a job as one.Look how long it took me to get onto the FDNY.But I might take a training for it.”
“You should,” Alex says, his expression still glowing with enthusiasm.“I think that’s a great idea.So your captain—he must really see your potential.”
My heart stutters to a stop, then reboots with a thunk.Does Blaze see my potential?Or was he just trying to get me off the crew, somewhere safe.Or out from under him so we can date.
Neither of those motivations would be reason to vilify Blaze, though, would they?They show he cares.
He cared enough to pull strings and make arrangements for me.
He shouldn’t have done it without asking, but he did act with my best interest in mind.
Tears pop into my eyes again and I blink them back.“Yeah, he’s a good guy,” I manage to say, probably not pulling off casual as well as I hope.
Blaze is a good guy.He’s a great guy.
And I probably owe him a chance to explain himself.I’ll send him a text when I head home to open the door for a talk.
Blaze
I waitoutside Lia’s apartment for ninety minutes before I see someone approach.I’m not sure if it’s lucky or unlucky that I recognize the guy.He’s the geeky neighbor who asked if she was okay that night I left the door open.
“Excuse me—hang on!”I call out, jogging up to him.
He flinches and throws me a suspicious look over his shoulder, but the flowers catch his eye and he stops.“Hey, you live next to Lia, right?”I speak fast before he pushes in and leaves me with my dick hanging in the wind.“Today’s her birthday and I wanted to leave this for her.Could you let me up?Or will you leave these in front of her door for me?”
He gives me another guarded sweep of his eyes, but snatches the vase with the giant bundle of flame-colored flowers from my hand.
“This too.”I thrust an envelope forward.It’s my apology and the outline of how I hope to fix the situation.
The neighbor gives it a mistrustful glance, and I draw up just a bit, using my size now to intimidate him.He grabs it and pushes in.
“Thanks, man!”I call after him and return to my park bench where I can keep an eye out for Lia’s return.I’ve never felt more like a stalker.I think about leaving about twenty times.But it’s too late now—the note went upstairs.She’ll be looking out her window.If she reads it.
I guess the chance of her chucking it straight in the wastebasket is medium to high.
When I finally see her approach, my chest cinches up tight.There’s no spring in her step.Her youthful face appears older, and tired.Dark circles are under her eyes.
Shit.I did this to her.
I don’t get off the bench until she’s inside.I’m not going to force my presence on her until she’s ready to talk.I need to give her space.But I also need her to know I’m going to do everything in my power to make things right.
