Fuck that shit.
Lia was right.I have a savior complex.Correction: Ihada savior complex.No more.I’m over it.I don’t need to equate my self-worth to being everyone’s knight in shining armor.
Putting out fires is enough.I don’t need to rescue Samantha, or my parents, or my neighbors or my co-workers’ friends.
Lia is another story.
I do still want to be her knight.
Is that totally wrong?I guess it is.
I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to fix this.I definitely thought I was doing what was best for Lia.I still do.But I also pushed my own agenda because it conveniently solved a couple of my own issues—namely, the illegal nature of our relationship, and me worrying for her safety.
I called Inspector Patton to report Lia wasn’t feeling well and asked to reschedule the job shadowing.I haven’t cancelled her training for fire inspector, but I can.I’ll lose half the fee, but I don’t give a shit about that.But none of that solves my real dilemma.How to win Lia back.
Because despite my resolve to back down and give her space, to stay out of her life if she wants, Ican’t.
I’m not giving up yet.
So now I have to figure out how to get a second chance.How to get a face-to-face to apologize.How to convince her I won’t steamroll her life again.
But what if I do?
Damn, that thought keeps gutting me.What if she is better off without me?
No.
She couldn’t have faked what we had in bed.And clarity comes seeping in.
That’s where I went wrong.I took something that she enjoyed sexually—being submissive, calling me daddy, letting me call the shots—and I took it out of the bedroom.Into real life.And in doing so, I stripped her of her dignity.
And the worst part is it made her question my motives for everything.She thinks I see her as less-than, when she’s anything but.
But how do I get her to see it’s not true?Just telling her won’t be enough.She has to believe it.
Chapter14
Lia
I show up at my parents’ house with a pasted on smile, even though I can barely put one foot in front of the other.It’s hard to believe breaking up with a guy I wasn’t even sure I was dating can hurt this badly.I just keep seeing Blaze’s tortured expression when I got mad, keep wondering how he’s taking all this.For some reason, I have a ridiculous need to know he’s all right.
That he’s not suffering.
Which is stupid.
Wouldn’t I want him to suffer for taking me on like a social work case?
But no.I definitely don’t.
The house is a loud clatter of voices and activity, as always.I do the round of greetings like a robot running a program.But I can’t pretend anymore.When we sit down around the giant table to eat—adults inside, kids at card tables outside—I clear my throat.“I’m sorry.”
“For what,mi amor?”my mom asks.
“For burning the house down.”
The noisy dining room goes dead quiet, all the side conversations silencing, all eyes turned to me.
“Talia told me that everyone knows.”I look around the room, find the eyes of each of my brothers, of my mom, and finally, my dad.“So, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am.”I choke up on the last word and then everyone moves, everyone speaks at the same time.
