“What the hell do you want me to do? What would you do? Want me to hold their hands on the ice or make them work for my trust again? I’ll try, Coach, because I want our team to win and have the best shot. That fucker though, he doesn’t deserve shit,” I grunt, crossing my arms as my leg jiggles from feeling cooped up.
“You want a shot at the NHL, kid? The pros aren’t gonna tolerate a defeatist attitude. Keep trying, or you’ll end up at the bottom.” He sighs and waves for me to leave with his hand, as if he can’t even look at me.
Rising, I head to his closed office door, wanting to get the hell out of here and hit the gym. I need to work off this pent-up energy, since practice sure as hell didn’t cut it. As I swing open the door, Coach has one more thing to say to me, and I’m sure the whole locker room hears.
“You’re going places, so don’t let one beautiful, crazy woman stop you from moving forward after your dreams. There are still good people out there who will have your back, Granger. Don’t forget that. Get your head out of your ass! We have games to win,” he grunts out, dismissing me.
I don’t bother turning around, I keep my sights on the one person who was supposed to have my back, to be my brother on this team. Jeff holds my stare before quickly looking away, the coward. I turn my head to the left so only the coach can hear me.
“It wasn’t the secret affair that affected me so much. It’s the lies that followed, Coach. I can’t forget that, but I’ll try to play nice for the sake of the team and myself,” I promise with my heart pounding at the thought.
And with that, I stride back to the door that leads into the rink, where my exit awaits. The sound of the door slamming behind me is very satisfying—freedom at last.
I spoke too soon as I hear heavy footsteps marching right behind me. Only one person can make that much noise while simply walking—Henry, also known as “Beast.” I turn my head towards him as I continue walking, I really just want to get out of this building. Seeing my duffle bag in his hand, which I clearly forgot on the bench in the locker room, I give him a subtle nod of thanks. He only grunts in acknowledgment of my gratitude, the ass. He walks by, dropping my bag on the ground, and his big feet keep stomping away.
Suddenly turning around with amazing speed for his size, he blocks the exit with his hands on his waist and feet apart. I roll my eyes as I mentally chant ‘fuck shit.’ I'm not doing this right now. My blood is still heated from practice.
Beast has been my friend, more like a brother, since freshman year. We made plans to get the hell out of here and go pro together one day, the fucking sooner, the better. Scouts are watching our every move right now, so we need to pick up our game and get this team together. This fucker has had my back from the very beginning, no questions asked, he just stands behind me like a surly giant. I haven’t talked to him since that night I spilled my guts about Victoria cheating, and I can’t even look him in the eye without feeling like a fool.
That night I learned two things—never trust anyone, even those closest to you, and never fucking fall in love. You only get stomped on, and the edges of your heart close off after breaking into a million pieces all over the damn ground. I thought I might have loved her, or at least could’ve seen myself loving her, but I was blind and she sank her claws into me. It was too late to break up with her when she dropped the baby news on me, but fuck, I was going to step up no matter what and be there. It wasn’t even the cheating that crushed my heart, it was her other lies—
I shut that thought down fast. Nope, not going there. I glance away from Beast’s all too knowing sharp brown gaze and peer at the empty rink.
I can still picture her here. That bright cotton candy colored hair swirling freely around her face, obscuring incredibly clear blue eyes with an expression of deep sorrow hidden away past the surface. Speaking of eyes, my own narrow as my thoughts betray me. So what if she was the most beautiful, graceful, and witty woman I’ve ever met? She spells trouble, and I want nothing to do with a woman who will plunge her fist through my chest, rip my beating heart out, and feast upon it as if it’s breakfast. Hard no for me.
Beast grunts under his breath and mumbles something that sounds like, “Get your head out of your ass.” I can’t be too sure what’s spilling out of his mouth, since half the time he sounds like an angry bear. I don’t bother saying anything as I push through the stadium double doors leading outside into the bitter cold.
The thought suddenly crosses my mind to get outta Dodge and apply at other schools, but I can’t leave Boston. I worked my ass off trying out for the team, and for once, my family let me decide where I wanted to go to college. I don’t even want to think about starting back on the bottom again. Otherwise, I would’ve left a long time ago. Besides, who wouldn’t love the crisp Boston air? The Bruins is my dream team to skate for, so I’m not going anywhere.
I toss my hockey bag over my shoulder, and its weight slows my fast pace, just another reminder of how practice went today. Beast walks past me like a stampede of angry bulls before swinging around and planting himself in front of my path once again. I blow out an irritated breath and widen my stance with my arms crossed over my chest, my body language saying ‘back the fuck off or be prepared for a beating.’ He matches my scowl until he throws his hands up in the air with an ‘I give up’ look thrown my way.
“You need to go out, drink a little—or a lot until you pass out—and fuck her memory out of your system,” he grumbles out, stroking his beard with a faraway look in his eyes, but I’m already shaking my head in denial.
Can’t a man just play hockey and be left alone? I’d happily die a single old man just so I don’t make myself look like an idiot again. There’s this deep part of myself that’s always angry, and the feeling wells up until it wants to grab a hold of me and release itself. I’ve been stabbed in the back too many times. My family thinks hockey is all a dream that I’ll get over one day to join the family business at the law firm. I don’t even think my parents have been to any of my games and never plan on going—talk about support. Skating on the ice is all I have, it’s who I am. Maybe I do need a fucking drink, because I can feel my blood boiling at the thought of my father and mother, plus the reminder of Victoria and all that I’ve lost in the back of my mind.
“I don’t know, man. We need to fix the team, plus I have to study for that quiz on Monday. Economics is frying my brain with all the bullshit, and it hasn’t even started yet.” I groan at the thought of more school work. I’m going to fall behind.
Beast raises an eyebrow, and his grizzly face scrunches up at my self-pity party. He can hear the excuses coming out of my mouth. Running a hand down my face in frustration, I think maybe a drink wouldn’t be so bad. I could lose myself in oblivion for a while. It’s just one day. I watch as the fucker’s bearded face starts to spread into a smug face as he sees me change my mind.
“Party at the frat house Saturday. You’ll be there, even if I have to drag your sorry ass there. No more, bro. Get drunk and eat some pussy. Then your game will come back, both on the ice and off. I have your back, brother,” he says with a fist bump before moving past me.
He pounds on my back and heads in the opposite direction towards the college dorms. I make my way to my apartment a few blocks away. I have a little while to work out some more and get ready before class starts. Out of the corner of my eye, I swear I see a flash of pink hair dart into the popular coffee shop on campus across the street. Great, now I’m seeing her even when she’s not there. I mentally slap myself as I walk faster to escape my own thoughts. This weekend might actually help. It better, or I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.
