I peeked at him from where I shoved a framed picture of Bristol and me at the holiday market in Hartford into a cardboard box. “It’s not about what I want anymore, Jared. It’s about what I need. Don’t pretend you didn’t see how I went off on her. I was way out of line.”
He cringed. “Yeah, I won’t sugarcoat it. If you’d gone off on Alyssa, I would’ve had to suspend your ass.”
Scoffing, I shot back, “Should’ve done it anyway. The fact that I’m seeing Bristol makes it ten times worse.”
“It’s not for me to insert myself in your domestic situation.”
I rolled my eyes. “So much for your ‘keep it professional at the rink’ spiel. What I did was the furthest thing from it. I took out my aggression on the woman I loved. There have to be repercussions for that. In that tunnel with her microphone on, she’s no different than any other reporter. I lashed out because I took her question too personally. Therefore, I need to step back and evaluate my mental state before I can continue being an asset to the team. End of story.”
“How long do you think you’ll be gone?” Jared folded his arms over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe.
“Don’t know. Not sure it was the right thing to jump right into coaching. I should’ve taken some time off first. I thought it would help, staying close to the game, but maybe I was wrong. It might be too painful.”
Jared hummed. “I can’t tell you how to feel, Maddox. Your frustration is valid; no one enjoys losing, especially how we have been as of late. But for what it’s worth, I do think you’re a good coach. And if time away from the game is what you need, then take it. Your job will be waiting for you when you’re ready to return. You belong with the Speed.”
The Speed had been my family for so long, but it was time for me to grow up and realize that while they would always hold a special place in my life, my heart belonged to someone else.
Ding dong.
I shoved off the couch, where I was only half focused on the late-night game between Seattle and San Francisco. The Speed had played earlier and looked sharper, managing to win their second straight game in my absence. It had me wondering if perhaps I was the problem, as Bristol had suggested.
Brushing crumbs off my chest from the bag of chips I’d demolished while watching hockey, I strode to the door.
Turning the deadbolt and twisting the doorknob, I found Jenner and Braxton on the other side.
Not bothering to invite them in, I turned and walked back to the couch, throwing over my shoulder, “You’re a little late for the intervention. I hit rock bottom days ago, boys.”
My two best friends came inside, closing the door and taking a seat on the opposite couch.
Jenner leaned forward on his elbows. “We gave you a week. It’s time to pull yourself together.”
Had it only been a week? It felt more like a year. Time dragged without Bristol by my side.
My tired eyes shifted to Braxton, who leaned back in his seat, arms folded. He’d warned me to stay away from Bristol, but I wouldn’t listen. He didn’t want to see her get hurt again, and I’d been so arrogant, thinking I would never do that.
With too much time to think, I’d come to one conclusion. “She deserves better than me.” My voice was scratchy from disuse after days of only my thoughts for company.
Braxton shrugged. “You’re probably right. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love your stupid ass.”
Jenner chimed in. “You gotta figure your shit out faster because I don’t think my ears can handle any more of her singing sad love songs at Pipes.” He shuddered. “She’s really bad, man.”
I chuckled, the memory of her up on that stage so fresh in my mind. “Yeah, I know.”
Blowing out a breath, Jenner said, “Look, I’ve watched the woman I love walk away because I couldn’t bear the thought of her hurting a moment longer. If I had the chance to do it all over again? There’s no question that I would have done anything to make her stay. Pain is a part of life; you can’t protect her from that. It’s out of your control. If you let her go, there will always be a gnawing ache inside your soul, knowing you should have fought harder. Learn from my mistakes. Go get your girl.”
For the first time, I understood his pain. I felt for him when his marriage fell apart, but I didn’t truly understand what he was going through. I’dnever loved someone, couldn’t comprehend the agony of losing the one person who made life worth living.
But now I did.
I just hoped it wasn’t too late.
Standing, I bolted for the door, grabbing my keys as I shoved my feet into my shoes. With my hand on the doorknob, I halted, turning around.
“Any idea where I can find her?” I asked Braxton.
“She’s been on my couch for days. That’s the first place I’d look.” He gave me a tiny nod of acceptance, and I didn’t waste any more time, rushing out the door and into my SUV.
The rest of my life started tonight.
