Her eyes grew glassy, but she dipped her chin in acknowledgment.
“Next, I would like to announce that I will be taking a step back from coaching.”
There was a rumble of shocked voices throughout the room, and I knew they were itching to ask questions, but I’d already stated I wouldn’t be taking any.
“This is not a permanent departure as the Speed’s head coach, but instead, a temporary leave of absence while I take the time to properly sort out my place in the hockey world, as I failed to do so during my injury recovery before jumping straight into coaching. It’s something I need to do for myself and for my family.” That final word was aimed right at Bristol,so she’d know how important she still was to me. She was, without a doubt, my future, the woman I wanted to create a family with.
“Assistant Coach Ethan Byer will take over as interim head coach in my absence. The timeline for my return is unknown at this time. Thank you.”
There was a commotion behind me, everyone shouting out questions as I left the room, ignoring them.
I was halfway down the hall when the heels clicking sounded behind me. Pausing, I closed my eyes, waiting for her to catch up.
Bristol stepped past me, turning so we were face to face. Her nervousness was obvious by how she chewed on her lip instead of speaking. It twisted my gut knowing I’d pushed her away when all I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and hold on for dear life. She was the only thing anchoring me when my life had spun out of control. And I’d gone and ruined it.
“Um.” She took a deep breath. “That was something.”
I lifted one shoulder. “It was a start. Not nearly enough.”
Her pink lips folded inward in thought. “Giving up coaching is a big deal.”
“You were right, Bristol. I need to give myself some space away from the game to sort out my life. To become the man who is worthy of you.”
She let out a heavy sigh. “I never said you weren’t worthy.”
“You might not have, but it’s true just the same. It wasn’t right for me to put you in that position. To expect you to fill the void in my life. You deserve tobemy life. And I need to get my head right so that something like last night never happens again.”
“Okay . . . so what does that mean? For us?” Her voice wavered, and it pierced my heart to know that she was on the verge of crying.
Allowing myself the tiniest bit of comfort I didn’t deserve, I cupped her cheek, relief washing over me when she leaned into my touch instead ofpulling away. “I hate that I hurt you, baby.” One hot tear leaked from the corner of her eye, searing my palm. “And I am so sorry.”
“I pushed too hard,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have kicked you while you were down.”
I shook my head. “No. You’re not to blame here. You don’t get to apologize for my mistakes.” Her lashes fanned her cheeks as her eyes slid closed, and she nestled into my touch.
Here comes the hard part.
“But I need to take some time for me.” My throat burned as I forced myself to say the words.
Blue eyes snapped open, welling with fresh tears as she begged, “No, please, Maddox. Don’t leave me.”
“It’s not goodbye,” I vowed. “Believe me, I couldn’t let you go if I tried.”
“Then why?” Bristol’s voice grew thick as her emotions took over.
Stroking my thumb over her cheek, I wiped away the moisture. “I’m doing this for us. So, I can be a better man for you.” Closing my eyes, I pressed my forehead to hers. “I just need a little time.”
A sob worked its way up from her chest, and my heart twisted painfully, making it hard to breathe.
“Didn’t we already learn this lesson? Let me help you. You don’t need to do this alone.”
She had a point, but unlike her past, mine was ever-present. I couldn’t run away from it. I needed to take a good, hard look in the mirror and decide who I was, and when I figured that out, I could only hope that she still wanted me.
“I love you, Bristol. And I swear, as soon as I figure this out, I’m running right back into your arms. That’s a promise.”
Tipping her chin up with my fingers, I dusted a soft kiss over her lips—praying it wasn’t the last time—before I stepped around her trembling body and walked away.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jared McCall asked from the doorway of my office as I packed my things, not sure when I would return.
