It tempts me. I’ve heard he’s into kink, and the idea appeals to me, even if it would hurt. It’s not just that he’s hotter than any man I’ve ever met—seen. It’s that someone else would be in control of the shitshow for even a minute. All I’d be able to concentrate on is him. Not even. It would be the pain in my ass—the kind I’d enjoy rather than how he’s being by not letting up on this.
His left hand eases down to my lower back, his pinky at the top of my ass. He does nothing more; just lets it rest there.
“Is that what you want,chiquita?”
Little girl.
It’s not patronizing or condescending like it is when Drew would sometimes call me that in English. It’s endearing. I feel safe again like I did that night fifteen years ago. I can’t help how my body melts against him now. I tell it not to, but it does.
“Javi, I have to go. Anton will come in soon. He’ll get worried. Or worse, he’ll call for Laura.”
“But you don’t want to go, do you?”
I shake my head.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m that fucking damaged.
Chapter Five
Javier
The woman in my arms should be nowhere near me. She’s right that Anton could walk in at any time. It would be way worse if Laura did. Anton might ask what I’m doing. Laura would put a blade through my eye before dragging her sister out. But I’m not letting go.
Not until Maddy makes me.
I’ve always thought of her like that, but I’ve never called her it. Not before today, at least. No one around me ever shortened her name except for Laura, and that was only sometimes, so I didn’t either. I never felt obligated to watch over her, but I always felt protective once I saw her fighting to keep that guy—who died for his sins three years later—from assaulting her. Back then, she was more like a little sister or even a cousin since she was like Pablo’s little sister.
But she doesn’t feel like any sister should. She feels good.
She feels right.
I feel out of my fucking mind. This is an invitation to my death, but I haven’t pushed her away. I haven’t stepped away. Iknow what I should do, and I’m saying fuck off to my common sense.
“Javi, thank you for caring. I don’t want to go, but we have to. This is a horrible idea.”
“Yet neither of us is letting go.”
She wrapped her arms around my waist when my hand shifted to right above her ass. I’m fighting so many urges right now, and one of them is to cup her ass and discover if it feels as good as it looks. I’m certain it’s even better. I’ve wanted to gouge out every man’s eye who even glimpses at her tonight. I know that’s nuts, but I’d hoist her over my shoulder and carry her away if I could.
Fucking barbaric.
It would just confirm what the other families say about me.
I don’t want to care, but I do. I do for Maddy’s sake.
“Chiquita, I’ll let you go, but you have to promise me two things.”
“No.”
“You haven’t heard either thing.”
“That I’ll tell you what’s going on soon and that I’ll tell you if I need help. I won’t do either of those, Javi. Don’t ask and don’t tell me to.”
“Then you and I will walk out of here together, and I’ll take you straight to Maks. Anton can keep up if his knuckles dragging on the ground don’t slow his ass down.”
The guy went to UPENN on a full academic scholarship. He’s not stupid. He’s just not as smart as me, who went to Yale on a full academic scholarship too. Mine was entirely meritorious and had nothing to do with my family’s financial situation, which was far better than his at the time.
