He stopped, standing still right where he was in the middle of the barn out on King’s Crest. He was desperate for her.
He was trying to tell himself that it was all right playing by these rules.
Maybe that’s what she was doing too. She was right, though. It made sense. They made sense. They had known each other forever. He didn’t like that it was allabout him doing something for her, when he felt like the reality was he was getting a fantasy in return.
Maybe this is the real thing you can give yourself. The real thing you were denied.
That insidious thought came up out of nowhere and gripped him by the gut.
But maybe if their lives had been different, maybe if he had a different family, something functional, it would have been different. He would’ve met her. They would have been friends, but maybe they wouldn’t haveneededeach other the way that they did when they were kids. Maybe their relationship could’ve grown into something different organically. Maybe there was a version of himself that didn’t get left underground for days. That didn’t get lied to, tricked by the people that he trusted most. Maybe that version of him would’ve wanted a wife. Children. Would have known how to share himself. Share his life.
Maybe if he were different he could have had that.
Just thinking about that made him feel like he’d been stabbed. So maybe that was the gift. Maybe that was what he got. A moment. Like it was his honeymoon.
That was kind of sad. But, he was kind of sad. That was the truth of it. He let out a breath and went toward his truck, heading back to his house. Rue was sitting out front with a little pink suitcase next to her. He had thrown his own black duffel bag in the back. He had a couple sweaters, a couple pairs of jeans, one nicer outfit in case they wanted to go out to dinner at the resort and about five boxes of condoms. He had priorities.
She picked up her little suitcase, and started to walk toward the truck. He put it in Park and got out, movingto her and taking the bag from her. Their fingertips brushed, and his whole body went rock hard.
Her face turned pink.
“I hope you’ve got all the stuff in here that you promised me,” he said.
She looked down, then back up. How weird, to have an interaction with Rue that was uncertain.
It was almost exhilarating.
“I brought some things,” she said, holding her hands primly as she lifted herself up in the truck and sat.
“Tell me about it.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” she said.
“We have a long drive ahead. I wouldn’t mind something fun to think about.”
He rounded to the driver’s side and got in, closing the door, leaving them well ensconced in the tight space.
“Did you tell anybody about this?” he asked.
“No!”
“I didn’t mean about our plans, I meant that we were going.”
She shook her head. “No. I mean, I mentioned to Bix that I would be gone for a while.”
“I told Denver, because I needed him to be prepared for the fact I was taking the time off. He guessed.”
“He what?”
“He guessed. He knows what we’re doing.”
“Oh,” she said, frowning.
“It’s okay. He certainly is not going to expect it to have any long-lasting ramifications. It’s not like Denver has any long connections in his life.”
“That’s sort of sad.”
“He’ll be glad to know you think so.”
