But questions have begun ringing in my mind at a volume I can’t ignore.
Why have I spent most of my adult life single?
Why did I make that back-up plan with Zac to get married when we were twenty-eight?
Why have I been chasing after men who represent a set of ideals admired by others but not, in reality, by me?
Why didn’t I want to take things further with Lindsay, even before the accident that revealed his true colours?
And why does this quiet, unassuming man sitting across from me make my heart pound out of rhythm and my throat constrict with longing?
This isn’t a moment of repressed sexual attraction rising to the surface.
This is something much more complicated.
My thoughts scatter when Zac gets up. He steps aside so I can go first, his palm catching the small of my back as I brush past the heat of his body.
I’m not sure how much willpower I, of all people, will be able to muster. Because this man has become my castle in the sky, and he just admitted he’s had a crush on me for years. So really, what am I supposed to do with that?
With my back to Zac, I rub the confusing ache in my chest before I suck it up and lead him out of the bar.
CHAPTER 29
Eight years ago
While Zac’s attention is fixated on a funny-shaped bird digging through the roots of a tree, I toss a twig at him, which lands on the shell of his ear. His hand slaps the spot and he jerks up, frisking his thick curls for what I guess he thinks is a bug.
I burst out laughing. ‘It was just a stick, fraidy-cat. I’m pretty sure it won’t bite.’
With narrowed eyes, he turns to face me on the wiry grass blanketing the Bathurst park, lifting his palm over my thigh like he’s gonna slap it.
I squeal and curl up my legs, clutching my shins. ‘Don’t you dare!’
His hand draws closer, my legs squeeze tighter, my shriek gets louder, and this performance continues until Zac eventually flops down onto his back.
‘Coward,’ I tease while shifting onto my stomach,and three full seconds pass before Zac spins and cracks his huge palm right down on my ass.
‘Owww,’ I moan, but it’s hard to sound angry when I can’t stop laughing.
He’s giggling too, but his laughter quickly blends into an ‘Aww’. His remorseful eyes graze over the butt I’m covering with both hands.
‘You gonna rub it better?’ I tease, arching my back a touch.
Zac draws a quick breath, then shakes his head, blinking hard.
I stay on my front and pick at the grass while Zac stares up at the uninterrupted blue sky. When a woman strolls past tugging on the lead of a black dachshund, he beams at the adorable little dog until its flapping ears disappear around the bend.
‘So, I kind of have some news,’ I announce.
‘What is it?’
I roll onto my back, a smirk tugging at my lips. ‘I had my first orgasm last night.’
His jaw falls open. ‘What?’
‘Not my first one ever,’ I hurriedly explain. ‘But my first one without the guyorme touching my, you know …’
Every inch of Zac’s skin colours red.
