Sunshine bristled a little at that. “Evilhasto lose. That is the way the world is set up. In order for humans to continue evolving, there must always be a struggle between good and evil. But good must always win in the end—”
“So why fight at all if you already know the outcome? And why am I forced to fight on the losing side? What if I don’t want to fight at all? Then I’ll be hunted by fucks like Raphael.”
“You’re making this about Raphael when it’s really about your problems with authority.”
“Problems with authority?” He looked sharply at her. “Is that what you call not wanting to get tortured or cursed for thousands of years or have your memory wiped for no reason?”
His tone was biting. He hadn’t spoken to her like that since they’d stopped being enemies. But then he’d been justified in his anger. Now, in her eyes, he was not.
“It’s what I call refusing to accept that good must prevail for the sake of all humankind,” she replied firmly. “Imagine what this world would be like if evil won the majority of the time. It would be awful. I can’t fathom the atrocities that would occur.”
Raum looked away again, shaking his head. “Whatever. Fuck. I don’t want to fight about this with you. I should’ve known it would come up eventually—you’re an angel. One of the good guys.” His lip curled. “I just don’t get why you can’t see how fucked up it was that your own people wouldn’t rescue you when you were taken. I would have torn the underworld apart looking for you.”
“I know, and I appreciate that.” She took a breath, glad to let the tension dissipate, and then thought about what he’d said. “I guess I’m not that upset because I’ve had years to think about it. It was a long time ago, and at this point, I would rather prove myself by regaining my rank than dwell on my many regrets over what happened.”
“Wait.” His brow furrowed. “You never told me why you lost your rank.”
“Yes, I did. Because of what happened to me.”
“I don’t get it. What’d you do?”
“I allowed myself to be compromised. I endangered the Realm and strengthened the underworld forces by giving them access to the weapons that can be made from my blood.”
Raum stared at her like she’d lost her mind. “You’re telling me that not only did they not try to rescue you, theypunishedyou for being fucking tortured? That’s sick. That’s fucking sick.”
“I endangered the Realm. I failed in my duty.”
“How!”
“I—” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I thought we weren’t fighting about this anymore.”
He said nothing, but the look of horror he was giving her made her stomach shrink with…embarrassment? Shame? But why? She’d chastised herself countless times for any feelings of resentment that sprung up against the Tribunal for her sentence. She’d once thought as he had, but she’d convinced herself it was selfish thinking. She told herself that a good angel would never challenge the Tribunal’s ruling and would accept punishment without complaint.
But Raum’s reaction…made her question things.
“How long ago did all this happen?” he asked.
“About four and a half centuries now. So long, the memories are distant now.”
His eyes widened again. The shock returned to his features. “Four and a half centuries.”
“Yes. Why?”
“That was when my memories were erased. Whatever angel fucked with my head left me with the understanding that it was a punishment for something I’d done, but other than that, I had no idea about anything. I had no idea where I was or how I’d gotten there or evenwhenit was.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” she said, “but I don’t think there’s a correlation between our two circumstances.”
“In the dream I had, I was waiting for you in an inn, but you didn’t come. I remember thinking about how we only met every few months, and neither of us had ever missed a meeting before, and I was worried. What if that’s why you weren’t there? What if that was the last thing that happened to me before my memory was erased? What ifthat’swhat I was punished for—being with you?”
“No, that’s—” She swallowed. “That’s impossible. The timing is coincidental, nothing more—”
“That’s a pretty big coincidence, Sunshine.”
“I’m not missing my memory, remember? I would know if we’d met. I would know if we’d been secretly seeing each other for years, or however long—”
“You wouldn’t if someone fucked with your memories the same way they fucked with mine.”
She froze, staring into his eyes.
