So, really, it makes sense that the child would equate ‘daddy’ with the one who man who has been a steady presence and influence in his life. Even when Holden is gone from the house, he never fails to call home, sometimes multiple times a day. It’s a stability Ashton has never had before.
I cover my face and close my eyes against the tears. As much as my heart sings with the knowledge Ashton trusts Holden so wholly that he’s put Holden on that particular pedestal, I can’t be certain Holden isn’t just going along with it to not hurt the child’s feelings.
The unsteady, standing-on-the-edge-about-to-fall feeling slowly fades as I listen to Ashton and Holden talking and laughing together. Images flicker into my mind, each more beautiful than the last: Dinner with parents and showing off a gorgeous new ring, black and white and hundreds of flowers and family and friends through a sheet of lace, Ashton’s first partner meeting his mom and dad, his graduation and wedding and children.
All with Holden at my side.
I want all of that. If he does, too.
God, I hope he truly wants it, too.
I regain control of myself and step back into the room. The softness on Holden’s face, the tender smile and shining eyes… They tell me he might want it, too. I blink a couple times and move to retake my place on the bed beside him. He wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulls me close into his side, and I reach for Ashton. He plops down on my thighs and leans against me with an ear-to-ear smile on his face. After inhaling as steadily as possible, I look at Holden.
“Happy birthday, babe.”
“Thanks, sweetheart. I’m pretty sure this is the best one I’ve ever had.”
“Then I guess that just means I’ll have to find some way of topping it next year.”
Something passes over his face, there one second but gone in an instant. He smiles and taps my nose with a fingertip. “All I need is you and Ashton, and it’ll be perfect.”
Before either of us can say more, a buzzing noise fills the air. His phone dances across the nightstand. He huffs out a laugh and pulls away to grab the device. I hold Ashton more tightly, breathe in the scent of his baby wash, and smile at my boyfriend.
“Showtime,” I announce.
He’s still chuckling when he answers his mother’s video-call.
Lisa’s face lights up when she gets her first look at Ashton who has shifted to sit on Holden’s lap. The toddler keeps his head buried against Holden’s neck, and I grab the plastic dinosaur off my nightstand, the one I meant to put in the toy bin last night. Ashton takes it from me but doesn’t move away from Holden.
“You’re a handsome boy, aren’t you?” Lisa asks. Her smile spreads across her face when all Ashton does is stare. “Oh, what’s that you’ve got?”
As if a switch has flipped, Ashton brightens and immediately launches into babbling about the pink T-rex. I don’t bother to hide her smile. I brush my lips against his temple then turn to Holden. He frowns when I ask if he’s finished with the tray, assures me he can take it downstairs later. I shake my head. He and Ashton deserve privacy to talk to Lisa; they don’t need me interjecting or intruding.
I walk out of the room a moment later with Holden’s quiet laughter following after me. Everything feels right, now. My heart sings with the steadiness Holden brings. The love and attention and respect. The forever I so desperately want.
Ashton’s enthusiastic chatter fifteen minutes later is the first sign I receive that he and Holden are coming down the stairs. I look up from my phone screen to see the two entering the living room. Holden focuses intently on Ashton, face serious as he listens. He responds just as seriously, which Ashton seems to take as encouragement.
I have never been more in love.
Holden sets Ashton on the floor and towers over me, leaning down to press his lips to mine. Small hands press against my cheek, and Ashton squeals.
“No tiss! Ick!”
I giggle as I pull away, and Ashton climbs into my lap as Holden examines the small stack of gift-wrapped boxes on the table. I gesture for him to sit down then urge him to start with the package wrapped in purple paper. Holden grabs the specified gift and carefully peels back the paper. He barks out a laugh at the sight of pink bottles, a strawberry-scented bubble bath kit.
“Tryin’ to say I stink?”
“Ash saw it and demanded I buy it for you.”
“Well, in that case, thank you, buddy.”
Ashton gives Holden a wide grin then his expression grows serious. “Bath ’night?”
Holden caves like a house of cards—much like I knew he would. He always struggles to say ‘no’ to Ashton, and a bath is one of those things that will rarely warrant a rejection.
The next gift is less amusing. I chews on her lower lip, squirming as Holden stares down at the item in the small silver box. His expression is unreadable, and I’m uncertain what it means. He stays silent for a long minute—sixty seconds of nothing—before swallowing hard. When he looks up at me, he blinks rapidly. It does nothing to clear the wetness in his eyes.
“This… Wow. Dee…”
