Unfortunately, my plan of rushing home immediately after my shift ends is derailed by a very exuberant Annie. It takes ten minutes, an encouraging text from Holden, and pleading from the other woman before I agree that maybe a night out with my coworkers won’t be so bad. Josh tells me he and Annie will swing by to pick me up at seven-thirty sharp, so I better be ready.
Which is why I find myself standing in front of the closet in only my underwear, rifling through my clothes, trying to think of a valid reason to change my mind. Ashton hasn’t thrown up since this morning, according to Holden, which is one less worry on my mind. But…
“I don’t think I should go.”
Holden doesn’t bother stifling his sigh this time, and he sets his laptop aside. “I’m not entertaining this argument anymore. You’ve worked with these people for, what, six months? And you’ve never once hung out with them outside of work.” His expression softens as he meets my gaze. “Dee, you deserve to have fun. To let off steam and be a person. You do everything for Ashton. I don’t want you to lose who you are just because you have responsibilities.”
“You’re right,” I admit after a long minute, nodding succinctly to convince myself he is, indeed, right.
“Of course I am. Now, as much I love the sight before me, you have plans. So go on, get ready.”
I find a dress in the back of the closet, a vibrant color-splattered thing with a scoop neck and an asymmetrical hemline. I stare at it for a second then tug it off the hanger. Holden helps zip up the back; his hands are warm, gentle, as he tugs the zipper up its tracks, and his breath ghosts across my shoulders. He presses his lips to the curve of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.
Now that I’m dressed, my stomach flutters. I raise a shaking hand to the necklace around her throat, twisting the chain carefully. The only people I’ve gone out to a bar with have been Luci and Tristan. Even then, it was after hanging out a handful of times first. And only if I knew Katie was able to watch her own child.
But I don’t let myself change my mind again.
It has taken its toll on me—going between work and home with no socialization outside of my coworkers. It brought physical aches to my chest to stare at the same walls day after day. The loneliness then only exacerbated my unhappiness. Now, though, now I have the chance to be someone other than a young woman raising her nephew.
“I’ll keep my phone turned up,” I promise as I head downstairs, tottering slightly in my heels. “Call if there are any problems.”
Holden’s hands are gentle but firm on my shoulders, and he holds me still to press a kiss to my pink-tinted lips. “Just focus on being a damn gorgeous woman out with her friends and stop worrying about us. Ash and I will be fine.”
“I know. I, uh, I’m not good at this.”
His laughter is quick, not unkind. “I noticed. Just… Have fun, sweetheart. That’s your only goal for tonight.”
With another kiss, he steers me to the front door, hands me the purse hanging on the hook, and pulls open the door. Annie’s SUV sits out front already, the bass-line of her music thumping in the quiet night. I smile before assuring Holden I’ll be home before midnight. He rolls his eyes and pushes me outside without a word. Annie cheers when I slide into the passenger seat, pulling out of the drive as I buckle my belt, and I watch my boyfriend and home disappear from view.
Nonnegotiable
LoganandElaine,bothin charge of the four-year-old rooms, already sit in a booth by the time Josh, Annie, and I walk in. I accept the warm greetings though my stomach roils with nerves. As soon as we sit, conversations burst to life. I spend the first fifteen minutes shifting uncomfortably in my seat; my skin has gone cold, and my palms sweat as the others share inside jokes and bits of their personal lives that I’m not privy to.
I hate that I wait—hope—for Holden to call. To give me a reason to end this night, even while I laughs at Logan mimicking a helicopter parent. It isn’t fair to my coworkers or to Holden for me to be desperate for this get-together to come to a close and for me to interrupt the time Holden is spending with Ashton. More importantly, it isn’t fair to me. Holden is right: I deserve time to myself. Is freedom from responsibility, no matter how little, such a bad thing?
So I let myself get pulled into the fold and enjoy the beer Josh buys me.
To my surprise, Holden texts an hour into my socializing, sends a photo of a sleeping Ashton. I grin at the image and save it to my phone. A quiet thunk of glass on wood catches my attention, and I glance up to see Annie scrutinizing me. Her gaze flickers between the phone and my face.
“So I know we all joke about Josh being a worse gossip than an old biddy, whichhe is, but he’s been perfectly respectful and not told us a damn thing about why you left, even though we all know he knows.“ Annie smiles, reaching out to leave a gentle touch on my hand. “You know we’re here for you, right?”
I nod and swallow the dredges of my beer. “Yeah, I do. And I appreciate it. I haven’t been a very good friend, have I?”
“We understand,” Josh says, “except maybe not Elaine and Lo. I mean, I don’t think you’ve ever really had a conversation with them.”
“I haven’t until tonight.”
Elaine raises her beer bottle and says, “And it was worth the wait.”
“Anyway,” Annie interjects, “like I was saying, we’re here if you ever need to talk.”
I sigh and run a finger along the rim of my glass. Should I…? “Well, my boyfriend and I went through a rough patch, that’s all. We just needed some space apart, but we’re okay now,” I tack on with a smile.
And as much as I know it’s ill-advised, I switch from beer to a whiskey and cola, and drink it as fast as I can. The ‘rough patch’ is over now. Holden and I are doing splendidly. But the cold rush of fire through my veins reminds me too intimately about the separation, clings tightly to my nerves, reminds me it could happen again.
Logan stands first, and I frown up at him before glancing at my phone. The numbers blur and float on the screen, but I manage to decipher them: It’s eleven-thirty, and it’s time to go home. I rise to my feet as well, help Elaine out of her chair, and gather up the glasses and bottles. Setting them in the center of the table, I let her pull me toward the door while Logan tries to convince Annie she’s had enough to drink. Elaine leans into my side, our arms entwined, with Josh just ahead.
He opens the doors of Annie’s SUV, and I slide into the front passenger seat before anyone else can. Logan waits until the other three are in the backseat before he gets in behind the wheel. He’d refrained from drinking—claimed he was involuntarily sober—so I trust him not to cause or be involved in an accident. Everyone buckles their belts, even though it takes Josh a few minutes to realize Logan is waiting on him, then Logan reverses from the parking spot.
