“For what it’s worth, it certainly can’t be more annoying than living with me. But there will be eating in the car, and you, mister, are not allowed to say one single, solitary word about it.”
“It’s my car, I can say what I want,” he protests with a laugh. “But fine, we can eat in it.”
“So, I don’t have to tell Tara whether I’m coming back or not until tomorrow. What do you say I show you ’round my town?”
“I’d love that.”
I dip my chin then push gently on his abdomen. Holden steps back, chuckling, and I lead him to the living room. There is no need for my suggestions—Holden automatically scoops Ashton into his arms and, with a smacking kiss to the toddler’s cheek, carries him to the entryway where his shoes sit against the wall. I make sure the diaper bag is fully stocked before following. As I slip a pair of sandals onto my feet, I let myself ruminate over the last few months.
The silences between us had been oppressive, screaming in my ear that I was alone again. The reality of it all seeped into my bones and weighted down my heart. Now, the quiet is peaceful, comfortable, as easy as when I first made Holden’s house my home.
Home.
I had never considered that there might be another place I call ‘home’. I’d moved from a small town to Austin at nineteen, all in the name of higher education. I had never gone outside the Texas borders; it’s where I grew up, where I knew I would die. I never would have dreamed that another state would feel more like home than Texas.
Or maybe it’s not the state that’s home.
Home is wherever Holden and Ashton are.
The park is busier than I anticipated, but I don’t mind. Not when Ashton looks so happy to be able to play with kids his age, not with Holden so near, not with the heat and sunshine and everything that feels so right. I lead Holden to a bench in the shade of a large tree, and we watch Ashton chasing after the other children.
Holden eventually leaves me by myself, choosing to push Ashton in the swing. I swallow past the lump in my throat and watch Holden’s quick smiles light up his face, listen to Ashton’s squeals of delight. A woman at a nearby bench clears her throat and grins when I meet her gaze.
“You’ve got a good one,” she remarks with a jerk of her chin in Holden’s direction. “What an attentive dad he is.”
I glance back at my little family and can’t stop my own smile. “Yeah. Yeah, he is. Thanks.”
Thankfully, Ashton doesn’t fight it when I say it’s time to leave an hour later. As much as I love watching him and Holden having fun together, I don’t want to spend my entire day at the park. So I take Ashton by one hand and Holden by the other, and we traipse across the playground to the surrounding trails. Ashton hops along, giggling at the squirrels that scurry across the pavement.
The trail opens up to the bridge that spans over the river. The water stretches toward the horizon on either side, glittering with sunlight and dotted with kayakers. The heat of the day has beckoned for citizens to emerge from their homes. I make sure Ashton doesn’t stick his hands or legs through the gaps between the balusters but allow him to expend his energy. I draw in a deep breath and turn my face to the sun. Earth and water, food trucks and restaurants that line the streets of downtown… I’ve missed this.
“An’ Dee! Boats!”
“Yeah, baby. People like water.”
“We go?”
“Nah, Auntie Dealla doesn’t do large bodies of water.”
“You don’t?” Holden asks, staring at me with brows drawn together.
I shake my head vehemently and call for Ashton to slow down. “No. I, uh, I have a phobia of, well, not so much drowning, really. I just don’t go in any body of water past where I can see the bottom.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Now you do.” I smile and nudge him with my shoulder. “I missed you. A lot.”
Holden lets out a soft laugh, loops his arm over my shoulders, and kisses my temple. “I’m just glad we’re both fighting for us.”
“So am I.”
Day fades, and the sun sets on one of the most relaxing days I have ever experienced. We’d eaten lunch at Tristan’s and dinner at a waterfront diner, and spent the hours between meals at a children’s museum and the waterpark. Now, Ashton sleeps peacefully in his bed while Holden has followed suit at my side. I smile and card my fingers through his soft hair before turning my attention to my phone.
well even after almost 2 weeks of not seeing her around in tenn, looks like our favorite country boy didn’t learn his lesson and run far away. he was spotted in austin with her and her kid, and who else is disappointed that he didn’t come to his senses???? guess it’s true. even your faves let you down.
I snort as I reread the post. I have to admit, the attached photos show a much happier portrait of our little family. After a moment of staring at the reality I’ve strived for, I close out of my browser and set my phone aside. Holden snorts quietly as I slide farther down between the sheets, but he doesn’t wake.
This must be what forever feels like, I think as I watch Holden sleep. I idly wonder, for a split second, what I would have done if Holden had never chased after me—would I have gone back to Tennessee of my own volition? Would I have given in to my need to be loved by him? Or would our story have ended with my unspoken goodbye?
