I brush it aside. Doubts and questions are what got me into this mess in the first place. They have no home here. I’ll be damned if I let them control my life again.
Still Home
IleadAshtonintothe house, yawning and stretching on the way. I am inordinately glad to be home—in more ways than one. Not only is the drive over, but I’m home.Home. Ashton immediately heads for the living room, for the toys I know are waiting for him. I breathe in deeply before stepping out of the way so Holden can come in from the garage. He sets the suitcase on the floor, wraps his arms around my waist from behind, and rests his chin on my shoulder. I place a hand over his and close my eyes.
“Welcome home, sweetheart,” he murmurs in my ear.
I smile at the words, the soft and sweet tone he uses. “Right where I belong.”
“Forever.”
I pull away and reach for my suitcase. There is laundry to wash and a home to settle back into. As I unpack the suitcase, I think back to the past couple of days. I’d told Tara I’d be back at work on Monday, so I have that to look forward to. Yesterday, we’d made a four-hour drive to visit my stepmother so she could see her grandson and I could see my mama. It wasn’t until before dawn this morning, when we were leaving Austin, that Holden told me he’d let the separation slip while talking to her.
I still can’t figure out how it came up in conversation, why he’d think to tell her anything at all. He had to have known that she would tell my mom and dad about it—and rightfully so. They deserved to know their daughter was nursing a broken heart. They deserved to know I almost lost the greatest relationship I’ve ever had, no matter that I caused the issue, too.
“You alright, sweetheart?”
I jerk to attention at Holden’s hesitant question, nodding quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Just doin’ some thinkin’, that’s all.”
“Your accent’s coming out. You must be tired, too.”
“Shush, mister.” I pause then shake my head. “But I am tired.”
Holden stretches out a hand toward, and I take it with a smile. He leads me to the living room where we sit as one on the couch. Ashton beams at us before turning back to his toys. I chew on the inside of my lower lip as I tuck my legs under me and lean into Holden’s space.
“I think I’m gonna tell Daddy he can stop paying on the apartment.”
“Why?” Holden asks quietly, frowning.
“I don’t think I’ll need it anymore, y’know? I mean, we’re together again. We’re back here. So why keep a place in Austin when it’s no longer home?”
Holden blows out a breath and rubs my arm with a calloused hand. “Luci explained it as him wanting us to have a place to stay whenever we visit.”
“When’d you talk to Luci?”
“How do you think I got to your apartment from the airport?”
My brows draw together, and I pick at a stray piece of fuzz on my sweatpants. I hadn’t thought about it, hadn’t tried to figure out how he got halfway across the city. I just assumed he’d taken a rideshare. Shrugging it off, I rest my head on Holden’s shoulder and yawn widely. The conversation fades to quiet, but I don’t mind. I’m too tired and worn out from the early wake-up and drive. Plus, my emotions are still too near the surface from having to say goodbye to my friends. Again.
Luci and Tristan had been thrilled to see me go, promising they would miss me but they were glad to see the back of me if it means I’m happy again. And happy I am. That doesn’t stop the doubts from creeping in at the edges of my subconscious. What if this is just a bandage slapped over a wound that won’t ever fully heal? I know this is going to take a lot of work, and I can’t stop the fissure of fear that things will end up reverting to how they were before I left. But, I surmise, all I can do is put forth the effort to make sure it doesn’t.
To fight for this relationship.
I am half-asleep when Holden gently eases me away from him. I protest weakly, but he shushes me with a quiet voice and soft brush of his lips to my forehead. Holden lifts Ashton into his arms then reaches for me; his hand has never looked so welcoming. I lace my fingers with his, let him pull me to my feet, and follow him up the stairs.
To my surprise, Holden doesn’t stop by Ashton’s room; instead, he carries the toddler into the bedroom across the hall. I understand after a moment—he’d nearly lost his family. Of course he’d want to spend as much time as possible with us now. Ashton snuggles into my side as soon as Holden sets him on the bed, and I kiss the soft hair atop his head. He rolls over to seek attention from Holden almost immediately. I giggle and reach across the toddler to run my fingers along Holden’s arm.
“I love you both.”
Holden chuckles and presses his lips to the ridge of my knuckles. “I love you, too. Now, Ash, do me a favor. Tell Auntie Dealla to go to sleep.”
“Go s’eep, An’ Dee,” Ashton parrots dutifully.
All I can do is shake my head at the ridiculous antics of my two loves teaming up against me. Settling further into the mattress, I lift her arm so Ashton can scoot even closer. With Holden holding my hand and Ashton’s warm breath puffing against my skin, I feel like I can breathe properly. Like home is home again, and I will always find it within these two.
I close my eyes and fall asleep with every roughened piece inside of me slotting smoothly into place.
Morning comes too quickly. One second, I’m dreaming of flying over the world on a glittering pink unicorn with my favorite actor astride the unicorn behind me, watching over everyone I love as they live their lives. The next, I’m waking to someone shifting in the bed next to me. Groaning, I bury my face in my pillow and tug the blankets over my head. A calloused hand brushes against me shoulder, and I sigh but don’t open her eyes.
